Let Me Be Your Escape
by BrixtaSparks
Summary: When Brixta Otomiya moves from her hometown to Los Angeles, California, she has no clue as to who or what she will encounter.
1. Intro of Epicosity

Part 1 - Intro of Epicosity

Taking my seat on the plane that would take me to the next part in my life, I began to think of all the things that I would be leaving behind.

My family. Friends. A familiar place. The overall sense of security.

But taking the place of what I left would be: A chance at success. A life of my own. And above all, a new beginning.

Sure I'd miss my home, and being able to know that my parents were just up the road if I needed them. However, no matter how comforting that information was, I had to give it all up.

So with my brave face on, I headed towards my destination.

Los Angeles, California.

My name is Brixta Otomiya, and I'm 21 years old. In California, I hope to find a path that will lead me to my dream career: A YouTube Partner!

Which in turn, would eventually maybe lead to an even bigger career.

Though, right from the start, I understood that it wouldn't be easy, after all, people find if difficult to take me seriously.

Despite me being 21, I have the appearance of a 14 year old, and no one really wants to listen to a kid.

So with the looks of a young teenager, light brown hair and blue-green eyes, I had made my decision to work as hard as I could, and to do whatever it would take in order for me to succeed!

I finally landed in L.A. early the next morning and after flying nearly halfway across the US, I was ready to go to bed. Which was simple enough, seeing as I had rented a small apartment a few weeks before I actually moved.

After a brief visit to the luggage claim, I hailed a taxi, gave the driver my new address, was driven to that address, paid the cab fair and finally looked at my new home.

It was nice.

Not exactly the type of place that I would bring a date to, but it was still somewhat quaint.

The walls inside the apartment were painted white and the floors were wooden. There was one small bedroom, a single bathroom and an open area for the kitchen and dining room/living room.

I wanted to explore my new place more, but by that point I could barely continue to stave the sleep that I so longed. So making a small pallet on the floor, I decided that it was time to take a nap.

Not much time had passed before I heard the buzzer to my apartment.

"Wh-who could that be? I wasn't expecting any company today, was I?" Although I was new to L.A. I had a couple of friends who lived out in Sacramento, but I doubted if it were any of them visiting me.

Opening the door, I saw a man wearing a turquoise shirt with big white letters spelling out "TOBUSCUS" on the front. He had brown hair, which was slightly messy, and brown eyes. He was rather tall, but he also had a certain sense of kindness to him.

He smiled, his eyes brightening as he did so, "Hi! Welcome to the neighborhood! I'm Toby. I live in the apartment right next door." He said as he gestured to the apartment to our left.

Trying to stifle a yawn, I shook his hand and groggily replied, "Thanks. I'm Brixta, and I live right here."

Laughing heartily, he casually leaned up against the wooden frame of the door. "Sorry if I woke you."

"It's fine, I'd rather it be this than to have my days and nights switched."

"Understandable." Toby said as he nodded his head in agreement. "So where are you moving from?"

"Lexington, Kentucky."

"Nice, well I'm going to leave you alone. I know that you've got to have unpacking to do."

I smiled, "Yeah, but it's really work that I need to get doing."

Raising an eyebrow, he asked curiously, "What do you do?"

"I record videos for YouTube. Right now I'm playing the game Amnesia The Dark Descent."

I noticed Toby shiver.

"What is it?"

"That game...it gave me nightmares."

"Yeah. Would you actually like to come in and keep me company while I play?" I really didn't like playing Amnesia by myself, and it would comfort me to know that someone who had survived the game would be there with me.

Toby shook off a shiver, smiled and answered, "Sure. But don't be surprised if I end up hiding behind your couch."

"I'd be surprised if I even had a couch!"

For the move, I'd only brought with me a few things that I knew I would need. And a couch wasn't one of those things.

Toby and me sat in front of my laptop, and I started the game up, as well as began recording. "Hey guys! Sorry that there were no videos yesterday, but with the move and everything, who can blame me? For those of you who don't know, my name is Brixta, and today I have with me my new friend Toby..."

I just realized that I hadn't gotten Toby's last name, so leaning away from my laptop, I whispered, "What's your last name?"

"Turner."

Smiling, I continued on, "Today I have with me my new friend Toby Turner. And today we're continuing on with Amnesia The Dark Descent." I gulped loud enough for my microphone to pick it up. "So let's get started."

Playing the game with Toby there was nice, he even helped me (and killed me) at some parts of the game. There were moments when I'd be screaming and doing all that I could to survive, and Toby would be yelling out, "RUUUUUN! IT'S RIGHT BEHIND YOU!"

We only laughed when I reached a safe point.

But almost as soon as I had began recording, my 15 minute limit on videos was up, and it would be until the next day before I'd be recording again.

"Well that's all that I've got for today, guys. Catch you tomorrow!" I stopped recording and got up, stretching. "That was fun! At least this way I don't feel like Daniel after he's had a run in with one of the monsters."

Standing up, as well, Toby looked at his wrist watch, "Sorry, but I've got a run. I'll see you later." He smiled as he waved goodbye, and left. Leaving me alone, to upload that day's video.


	2. Becoming Audience

Part 2 - Becoming Audience

My video was quickly uploaded to YouTube, and though I was always excited about each and every one of my videos, I only ever got maybe 30 views a day. But in my mind that was pretty good for me.

I had given the video the title of "Amnesia The Dark Descent - Part 13 - OMG! HE'S AFTER ME!" In the description I put that for this part of the game, I wasn't alone and that Toby (an Amnesia Veteran) had been with me, sharing the scares.

I noticed in my subscriptions box that a few of my favorite YouTubers had uploaded videos. Randomly clicking on one of them, I began watching a RoosterTeeth Achievement Hunter clip for Halo Reach. I didn't actually own the game, but I always liked to be prepared to win if an opportunity showed.

The clip ended, and I went back to my YouTube home page. Under my username I saw that I had 5 new comments.

I figured that they were from my friends on Skype. They were the people who usually watched my videos.

However, the first comment was by someone called EvilMonkey5051, and they had commented with, _"Holee crap! Ur gaming wit Tobuscus now?"_

The next comment was from TsubasaFlyAway, they had said, _"You're soooo lucky! I love TOBUSCUS! 3"_

All of the other comments that followed were basically the same.

My interest had been peaked, "Is Toby more well known that I had thought?"

In the search bar I typed in Toby Turner, and the first result was surprising. There was Toby, and I was astonished at the number of subscribers that he had!

Well over 600,000!

Clicking on the link that would take me to his channel, I noticed that the featured video on his page, had only been uploaded 25 minutes earlier.

He had called it "Be Myself". The video began to load, and I decided to see what his videos were like.

At first I was only looking at the front cover of a book, but the camera was shifted towards something new and Toby began talking.

_"Audience? Wha? What are you doing looking at this book and thinking that I can read? I can't read! Intro of darkness then redness then whiteness!"_

For the introduction of the video, Toby covered the lens of the camera with one of his fingers, making the colors as he said them.

_"So today," _he tried not to laugh, _"Today I met a girl, she's really cool! We played Amnesia, it was a party in a party basket! Her name is Brixta, and I have no clue as to what her channel is! GAWD DANGIT!"_

Laughing at how funny Toby was, I was drawn further into the video.

_"Seriously though, she's one of the few people that I can be myself around. And that's a loud, easily distrac-" _His words slowly died away, and I saw that he was looking affectionately at a blooming flower.

When he spoke again, his voice was more feminine than it had been before. _"It's a flower! See how pretty it is?" _He giggled, which in turn make me giggle as well.

A few seconds later, he had finally regained his composure, _"What was I talking about?"_

Answering, out of habit, I said, "Easily distracted?"

"_Oh! Right! I'm easily distracted and I'm just an overgrown kid! And it's nice to be those things once in a while. Which is why I'm glad Brixta doesn't know about any of my 3 channels." _Toby paused for a second, then added, _"At least I don't think she knows."_

I began to seriously consider all of the options that I had to choose from, one of which being to tell Toby the truth, and that my subscribers had given him away.

_ "Audience, you have no clue about how stressful it is being a YouTube Partner. You probably think it's easy, record a video, tweak it a little, upload it, and you're done." _He laughed wearily. _"Not even the beginning, but..."_

Pausing again, he quickly jerked the camera around, _"TWANSITION! None of that should be of concern to you guys! You're all worth every bit of it! And I thank each of you for giving me your support. Come here, Audience! Give me a hug!"_

He brought his camera in and hugged it as if it were an actual person.

The sign of a truly dedicated YouTuber.

The very thing that I myself was desperately striving to become.

After the heartfelt hug, Toby was back to being normal,_ "So have I said anything of great importance yet?" _He thought for a second and continued with a laugh and a smile, _"No, no I don't think so. So I better leave before I bestow you with my plethora of vast knowledge. Bless your face! If you sneezed during this video, then bless you! Peace off! Ba-da-do-do-do-do-do subscribe! Outro of darkness then redness then whiteness! Then BOOOP!"_

The video ended and I had already came to my final decision.

Secretly, I would be a part of the Audience, cheering Toby on from a safe enough distance, and at the same time, I would continue to let him be himself with me.

The Toby that very few knew.

My only question now was, how can I keep this secret from secretly slipping out?


	3. Bite My Tongue

Part 3 - Bite My Tongue

Early the next morning, before the sun was even up, I was still trying to sleep in my new environment. I kept slipping in and out of sleep, which was exactly the right combination for a cranky Brixta. And in my mind, I thought over and over, _"My kingdom for an actual bed!"_

Yawning, I flipped onto my stomach and buried my face into my makeshift bed made of sheets. With my eyes closed, I finally felt a wave of sleep coming over me. "Yay, sleepy time!"

I took a deep, calming breath as I fell asleep, but the next breath that I took was to stop myself from screaming in fear.

"AH WHAT? SINCE WHEN IS THERE A DISC 3? NOOOO!"

It was Toby, but what was he so upset about? I would've gone over to his apartment and ask him about what had happened, though I stopped myself from doing just that. I figured that something must have gone awry with one of his videos for a YouTube channel of his, all of which I wasn't supposed to know about.

So forgetting about what had just happened, I tried to settle down to go to sleep again. However, just like before, no sooner had I closed my eyes, that the yelling resumed.

"AH GAWD! WHERE DID I PUT IT? MOM! MOOOOM, WHERE'S MY GAME BOX? GAWD DANGIT, MOM! WHAT? I DON'T LIVE WITH MY MOM? SINCE WHEN?"

I clamped down on my tongue to keep from screaming at Toby, to can it, and that people were sleeping...

Or atleast attempting to.

No matter, though how limited my verbal voice was, my inner voice had absolute freedom._ "SHUT IT, BUSCUS! OH AND ABOUT YOUR GAME, THEY ALL DIIIE!"_

I had only been living at my new home for less than a day, and I was already able to tell that living next to TOBUSCUS was going to take a whole lot of patience.


	4. Can't Help but to GetOoooh! A Plane!

Part 4 - Can't Help but to Get...OOOOH! A Plane!

"Hey Brixta! Brixta! Wake up sleepy head! The sun is shining, the birds are chirping!" Toby called from the other side of the door, and from the sound of things, he was wide awake, which only made one of us.

Sleep now held me captive, and my hands held onto my ears, as I tried to block out Toby. "Go away...try again later..." I buried myself deep within my blankets, "Much later..."

I heard Toby trying to open the front door. He made a loud raspberry noise with his lips, and then proudly exclaimed, "This locked door won't stop me! I've been breaking and entering into the hearts of millions since 1985!" As he began to pick the lock, he hesitated a second then began to speak again. "March 3, 1985 to be exact...So could you write that down? And that I also want a shiny blue bike? OOOH! With a bell! A blue bike with a bell!"

Sitting up, as Toby continued to pick away, I sighed, "So you want a blue bike bell?"

"Yea-CHOO!"

"Bless...you?"

Toby had by then turned on his dramatic acting skills, "GAH! I'm allergic to alliterations! They're my only true weakness!"

I finally got up and went to unlock the door, and opening it, I joked, "But I thought that cake was everyone's only weakness?"

He gasped, "But the cake is a lie!"

"Le gasp! Then we'll all have to find a new weakness, now won't we?"

We both laughed a little, and I forgot the random out burst of rage quitting that had happened in Toby's apartment just a few hours earlier.

I left Toby by himself in my tiny living room, and went to get changed into a new set of clothes. And looking though my outfits, I noticed that I didn't have much of a variety.

My shirts mainly consisted of a few anime based designs, some Happy Bunny, a single My Chemical Romance, and the rest were just shirts that liked to insult the reader.

Out of them all, I chose a light blue shirt with 3 chibi ninjas, and the words "Ninjas made me do it" printed in bold black letters underneath.

To go with it, a pair of light blue jeans and my favorite pair of purple high top Converse shoes.

I got back into the living room and saw Toby sitting Indian style on the floor.

Today he was wearing another "TOBUSCUS" shirt, only this one was red, and a dark pair of jeans.

_"His wardrobe must be even more limited than mine is."_ I thought as I stood next to him, with a smile on my face. "What's up?"

He rushed to his feet and began speaking so quickly that his sentence became one very long, very jumbled word. "It' . . . . . . .stores?"

When he spoke, I imagined a faithful dog begging it's owner to "please throw the ball". But only without the wagging tail, Toby completed the facade with a pair of big brown puppy dog eyes.

"Alright, slow down and say that again."

He took a deep breath.

"One word at a time."

"It's Friday, so do you wanna go into town and check out a few stores?"

I took a second to think about the offer, then I asked, "What stores do you guys have? The chances that the same stores that are in Lexington being here are super thin."

"Actually, I was thinking that we could visit the Citadel Factory Outlet. It's not too far from here, and you can find anything and everything that you could think of looking for." He smiled widely, and I recognized that he was a completely different person than he'd been in his video from yesterday.

"So if I went there looking for...let's say...the original Declaration of Independence, I'd find it?"

"Not that far into anything and everything."

I acted as though I were truly disappointed. "I'll try to not get my hopes up then."

"Are we going then?"

"Yeah, just a minute though." I made my way to one of the cabinets in the kitchen, and opening it, I took out a cylindrical medicine bottle.

Toby eyed it suspiciously. "You don't do drugs, do you?"

I shook my head "no", removed 2 of the pills from inside the bottle and took them. "It's Concerta. Medicine for my A.D.D."

Looking thoroughly shocked, he whispered, "You have A.D.D.?"

"Who doesn't? Take a 5 year old to the doctor's, say that they're either too hyper or too unfocused, and automatically they have a huge A.D.H.D. plastered onto their foreheads."

Toby was speechless, a look of "that's not what I asked" clearly on his face.

"Yes. After a year of testing when I was in the 1st grade, I was finally diagnosed with A.D.H.D. which slowly dimished its way down to being just A.D.D."

"You could've just stuck with yes." He joked as we headed back towards the door.

Before leaving I made sure to lock the door that Toby and I had just exited through, which was also the door that Toby would try to pick open on a regular basis from now on.


	5. My Second Only Weakness

Part 5 - My Second Only Weakness!

The drive to the Citadel Factory Outlet turned out to be exactly like I thought it would be. Toby and I threw funny banter at one another, though Toby's wittiness beat my flimsy attempts by at least a good mile.

I had also remembered that this was my first real look into the city of Los Angeles since I'd gotten there. And if L.A. was to be my home, then I'd better learn the lay of the land.

Which for me, would be easier said than done.

"So what kind of stores do they have in the Citadel Factory Outlet?"

Laughing, Toby answered, "But I just told you."

"But I already forgot."

He sighed, "Well there are plenty of shoe stores, stores that only carry clothes considered to be of the highest fashion, of course there's the food court, and I think that there might be a pet store, but don't hold me to that."

"Then it's your basic mall?"

"I guess you could say that."

The drive took only 30 minutes at the most, and on the way there, I saw trees that I would never have even imagined existing in Kentucky.

Palm trees.

I had honestly never seen one in my entire life, and all that I could say about them was that the movies didn't do them justice.

When we actually arrived at the Citadel, I was speechless. It was 3x bigger than any mall that I'd ever been to. And standing in front of it, was a metal tower that stood at least 50 foot tall.

"Bu-bu-I thought you said it was your average mall?" I stuttered when my voice had finally been found.

"You mean it's not?"

I shook my head quickly, "No! This place would eat the mall back home for lunch!"

Toby walked towards the front entrance, while making another raspberry noise, "Shoo gurl, I doubt that."

However, just as I had suspected, the Citadel Factory Outlet WAS 3x bigger than the mall in my hometown, and that to see it front the front, wasn't just an optical illusion.

Inside, I saw what seemed to be like hundreds of stores dedicated to nothing but clothes and shoes.

Whatever happened to an actually legit bookstore existing within a mall?

Acting on its own, my body sighed.

Placing a hand on my shoulder, Toby asked, "What is it? Not what you thought it would be?"

"No, that's not it, but I'd kind of been hoping to find a bookstore..."

Laughing boisterously, Toby took off at a fast pace, pointing to something in front of him, "Is that all? There's a BarnesAndNoble this way, you silly nugget!"

My happiness began to climb again, "Really?"

As the excitement filled me, I took off, running ahead of Toby, turning my head from right to left.

I heard as Toby continued to laugh louder.

But he just didn't understand about how important books were to me.

So not letting up, I raced faster to BarnesAndNoble, and when it was finally in my sight, nothing could stop me.

The layout of the store was much like that of any of the others that I'd been to. Making it easy to find exactly what it was that I was looking for.

Toby was still somewhere behind me, but I figured that he'd catch up soon...

If he didn't get distracted that is...

My eyes roved over the shelves of books, my fingers sliding over their spines. Stopping only if I found a book that I'd potentially want to buy.

About ready to move onto the next shelf, I froze.

It couldn't be...could it?

But they'd gone out of business...hadn't they?

I slowly removed the book from the shelf, and smiled.

Toby wandered into the store less than a minute later, still laughing with amusement. "Brixta, where you at gurl?"

He heard an "I'm over here" coming from not too far from where he was already at, and following the sound of my voice, he quickly found me.

Bouncing up and down like a little bunny, I giggled. I was in the manga section of the store, and in my hands I held one of the books froom a series that I loved.

The book was held so that the cover was facing me, and all that Toby could see was the maroon and white back, and the intricate cross in the upper right corner.

"So what'd you find?"

Taking a deep breath, I excitedly said, "Trinity Blood: Reborn on the Mars, Volume 3: Empress of the Night!"

He looked confused, "What?"

I held the book out to Toby, so that he could get a clear view of its cover, but when he saw it, he let out a silent shriek of fear.

"A book! My only weakness!"

I cleared my throat, my excitement finally beginning to wane. "I thought that your only weakness was alliterations?"

He went back to acting normal, or as normal as could be considered for Toby, "Oh, right..."

His eyes grew wide in terror, "A book! My second only weakness!"

Sinking to his knees, he began to imitate the Wicked Witch of the West from the Wizard of Oz. "I'm melting! Melting! Oh, what a world! What a world!"

Toby had finally laid down completely on the floor of the bookstore. Tongue hanging out the side of his mouth and all.

Unable to resist the nagging urge to laugh at Toby's strange antics, I slowly began to walk away, from what was supposed to be his dead corpse, snickering.

In my mind, I realized that along with Toby being able to act like himself around me, that I was able to do the exact same with him.


	6. Who We Are, Except to Those Who Don't

Part 6 - Who We Are...Except to Those Who Don't Know Better!

Getting back to the apartment, Toby automatically apologized, and excused himself, telling me that there was someplace that he needed to be. He promised, though, that he'd be back later.

I understood where that someplace was, and set about doing my own thing. Which was mainly setting up my laptop and recording gear.

It was time for both Toby and myself to go and perform our hearts out, for the people who could either make or break our YouTube career.

Our viewers.

To me, my viewers were the ones who made making videos all worth while. To read their comments. To see each and every new thumbs up that my videos got was enough to make the negative responses fade away.

My subscribers helped me to continue, even when I considered ending my dream of becoming a YouTube Partner. And I was sure that Toby really did feel the exact same way.

When my laptop had booted up, I clicked on the icon for Amnesia, and prepared myself. "Alright, time to get this show on the road." I began recording, and with a smile, I started that day's video, the same way that I'd started the previous ones from before.

"Hey guys! What's up? I'm continuing with Amnesia The Dark Descent again today, and when we last left off, I had with me my friend Toby Turner, but unfortunately he was unable to join me today. Due to having a prior engagement to attend to." I watched as the little upside down sun dial baby indicated that the game was loading, and tried to shake away my fears.

In the game, Daniel had barely taken two steps when I heard a loud growl coming from somewhere down the stone hall.

The hand, that I had on the mouse, twitched.

Daniel took another step, and I heard yet another growl.

Amnesia wasn't letting me down, and it was holding up to its famed fear factor.

I whimpered as my whole arm began to twitch. "Who in their right mind could complete this game?"

To help save Daniel's sanity (and my own), I pressed the "f" button on the keyboard, which brough out your lantern in the game, took two more steps, heard the loudest growl yet, took off running up a small flight of stairs, and at the very top, came face to face with the Servant Grunt.

By this point, my entire body was trembling, and with a weak voice, I asked, or rather pleaded, "Don't kill me?"

My mouse hand began to scramble around, the direction in which I was running changing every other second. I wanted to get away. I needed to get away! But the Grunt was already persuing me.

On the verge of tears, I yelled out, "Mr. Face, I don't have time to play right now! Mr...Mr. Face, could you please...Please go away!" I turned the corner and was terrified to see that it was a dead end.

So with the Grunt closing in on me, I said directly to my viewers, "It was nice knowing you guys. It's been fun..." Taking a deep breath, I let it out in a loud sigh. "Okay, Mr. Face, go on and kill me."

Just like I had asked, the Grunt swiped at me with one of his clawed hands, ending Daniel's life at that part of the game for that day. The screen had turned black with white, ghostly floating letters, _"You must carry on!"_

With a trembling laugh, I muttered, "You're just a scary game! I don't have to listen to you!"

I ended the recording and apologized for it being so short, but I honestly would try to make a longer video next time.

Uploading my video, I opened a second tab in Internet Explorer and went to YouTube. So far, Toby hadn't posted anything yet, but I saw that another of my favorite YouTubers had.

_"How's it going, bros? My name is PewDiePie! Welcome!" _I watched as PewDie got scared, just as I had a little while ago, but I found that watching others get scared helped to calm me down.

A few minutes went by and I didn't realize that I was no longer alone, I had become so immersed into the video and watching PewDie as he tried to figure out puzzle after puzzle after puzzle, that my actual surroundings disappeared to me.

But just as PewDie got frustrated and spotted exactly what he was looking for, I felt a hand slide onto my shoulder, and along with PewDie I jumped up and screamed out, "BARRELS!"

I spun around and saw Toby standing there, shaking in a silent fit of laughter. "Bar...Barrels, huh?"

Heart pounding, I punched his shoulder, "Not funny, Toby!"

"Sorry, I just couldn't resist."

Remembering that I had locked my door after coming in, I asked, "Wait, how'd you get in?"

He held up a screw driver and the lock from the door. "Looks like I've found the perfect lock picking tool." Grinning at me, I had to remind myself, that this was Toby's true face.


	7. Holy HOTHOTHOT!

Part 7 - Holy HOTHOTHOT!

Toby plopped down onto the small pile of bedsheets that I had wadded together and placed in one of the corners of the living room, and with an overly exaggerated sigh, he picked up the book that I had bought earlier.

He took a glance at the cover before he quietly read the title out loud. "Trinity Blood: Reborn on the Mars?" Looking at me, I knew that he had questions, and that I was the only hope he had for answers.

Immediately, I knew what his first question was.

"It's one of two novel series that I've been collecting for a while. The company that printed them went out of business a year ago. However, the two series weren't quite popular enough for another company to even consider buying the rights and to continue printing them."

Nodding his head to show that he understood, Toby flipped open to a random page in the book. "The Jade Palace," he read after clearing his throat so that he'd have a nice clean voice.

He turned another page, and within seconds, his eyes had grown large, and his face had turned a nice shade of pink. "HOLY HOTHOTHOT!"

I went to go and stand next to him and I instantly saw what had gotten him so riled up.

Printed there in black and white was a picture depicting two female characters from the series.

One was a tall, blonde woman. The middle section of her bangs, however, dyed a red color.

The other, a shorter teenage girl. Her hair cut short, and was as red as could be. A star shaped birth mark clearly visible on her right side.

Both were obviously nude.

I watched as Toby struggled to find his next words. His mouth making the shapes for them, but yet, no sound.

Books really were his weakness, weren't they?

Or at least, this single page was.

He continued to sit there for several moments, his face resembling that of a fish out of water.

I hadn't seen him so silent before, and I was desperately wishing that I had brought my camera with me for the move, but I had left it at home, in the nightstand next to my bed. "Toby? The book didn't break you, did it?"

Slowly tearing his gaze away from the book, he shifted his vision towards me. "H...HOTHOTHOT!"

Laughing, I removed the book from his hands, "Uh, no Toby, they're not real people. Besides, one of those characters is a Nun."

With the book out of sight, Toby gradually began to speak in actual sentences again, "I think that I actually like that book! It didn't make me sneeze or anything."

Seeing through his ruse to get a hold of the book, i said, "It only happens once."

"Huh?"

"It only happens once." I looked up at him, with a smile on my face. "That whole scene, there's only one scene in the series that's like that...And, well, that WAS it."

He laughed uneasily, "I'm afraid that I don't know what you're talking about."

Grabbing the book, it was my turn to flip to a random page, and a few seconds later, I was imitating Toby, "HOLY HOTHOTHOT! HOLY HOTHOTHOT, BRIXTA!"

Toby stood up, and with a slightly gay tone to his voice, he said, "Oh no you didn't!" He snapped his fingers in the shape of the letter "z" as he spoke.

The imitation war was on!

He then acted as though he were holding onto something that was more precious and more valuable than diamonds. Then jumping as high as possible, he squealed, "OH MY GOD! TOBY I FOUND THIS BOOK! AND IT'S LIKE, SO GOOD!"

I nearly lost it when I heard Toby's feminine voice in person.

Getting to my feet, I gently tugged at the front of my shirt with my thumb and index finger, "Shoo gurl, my name is Toby Turner, and you know what? I swagger when I walk." I began to walk as slow and smoothly as I could.

With a raspberry, Toby brushed off my latest imitation with ease. "Beat this one." He smirked at me, and instantly, I knew that I had lost the game.

Those no good, evil, rotten...

"BARRELS!"

Toby had won the war, but that didn't matter. We both now stood where we were, our hands holding onto our sides, trying the keep the stitches in place.

With us, mockery always turned to laughter.

I had never had a friend like Toby before, and quite frankly, I found it hard to believe that I had only known him for a little over a day.

Toby made life entertaining. Fun. And I was interested in learning where my life would end up now that I'd met him.

Though it'd be equally as interesting to know how I'd end up changing his life, as well.


	8. To the End's of the Earth!

Part 8 - To the End's of the Earth!

When I woke up the next day, I had two very possible, two very Toby-like suspicions. I figured that he was either a) hiding somewhere within my apartment, just waiting to scare me, or b) he was waiting for me to wake up on my own, ad that he was still at his place.

As luck would have it, he was no where to be found within my apartment.

Maybe he was still asleep?

So after getting dressed, I headed over to Toby's apartment and knocked on the door.

No answer.

Turning the door knob, I found that it was unlocked.

If he were awake, then shouldn't he have heard me knock?

I entered his apartment for the very first time. Despite of the type of person that Toby was, his place was spotless. Well organized.

Not at all what I had imagined.

I'd thought that it would have been what your average bachelor's pad would look like.

It took me only a few seconds to find my way to Toby's bedroom, and getting there, I sighed quietly in relief.

There he was, still asleep in bed, snoring lightly. His brown hair, though normally having the appearance of not had been brushed, now stuck up in multiple directions at once.

Had he not been able to sleep soundly the night before?

I could see under his shut eyes, small dark half circles. Proof of how many nights he'd spent on projects for YouTube. Which made me wondered if his fans fully understood all of the hard work that he put into the videos that brought smiles to their faces?

Would they take the time to thank him for all that he's done, if they'd seen him like this, even just once?

To know how exhausted he truly was...

How would they feel then?

Leaving Toby to get more sleep, I went back to my apartment, and sitting down on the same pile of wadded up bedsheets that Toby had sat on yesterday, I silently began to cry...

I absolutely had no idea how difficult being a YouTube Partner must really be...

It was a little after noon when Toby came by to visit. "Brixta, hey I got a question to ask you, gurl!"

I thought that he'd maybe figured out that I'd come into his apartment without persmission, and I was ready to apologize. But I was shocked when he broke out laughing.

"Why so serious?"

My own attempt at laughter failed, leaving me with only one thing left to do. "I'm not serious..." I narrowed my eyes and stared at Toby through the small slits. "You are!"

His laughter got louder, and tears slowly filled his eyes.

After a minute, Toby was calm enough to finally ask me the question that he'd come with.

"Ever hear of a computer game called Minecraft?"

Of course I'd heard of it! Minecraft was the game that me and my friends would play together! I couldn't exactly say that I was a professional at the game, but I could claim that I could build a pretty, OCD friendly house.

Nodding my head, I answered, "Yeah, I've heard of it."

Smiling brightly, Toby raced out of my place and ran back to his. When he got back, in his arms he held a high tech laptop, which easily put my HP to utter shame.

"So, Brixta, you wanna play? I found a pretty abandoned server that we could use."

I didn't want to let him down, but I was afraid that I had to. After all, Minecraft had been on the family computer at home...

"Toby, I can't..."

With a half smile, he asked, "Why not?"

"I don't have the game."

As I witnessed the half smile fade, Toby tried to hide the disappointment in his voice, but I still knew that it was there. "Ah, well, that's okay. Maybe some other time." He turned to leave, and I caved in to my guilt.

Sprinting to where my bank card was, I grabbed it and called out, "Toby, where are you going? I said that I'd get the game, or did you not hear?"

"You never said..."

I cut him off in mid-sentence. "Yes I did. I said that I didn't have the game..."

"Right! But you never..."

"But that I'd get it!"

He put a hand on both sides of his face, and gently pulled downwards on the skin on his face. "You're making me paranoid!"

I laughed, and teasingly said, "Don't be a Joel Heyman!"

Puzzled, he asked, "Who?"

"What are you talking about? I didn't say anything." I forced myself to not laugh, but eventually lost. "Toby, I'm just messing around with you."

He joined in on the laughter, and I eventually made it to Minecraft's website. Buying the game, we both waited for it to install onto my computer.

To me, the installation process was always the worst! But after some time had flown by (only at the speed of slug) did the game install completely, and that it was ready to play.

The server, as Toby had told me, was pretty much deserted. The remaining fruits of all the time spent on mining by the players who had come before us, still stood where they'd been built.

To invest so much time into something and just forget about it, was beyond me, but looking over at Toby, as he began to gather raw materials, I said, "To the ends of the Earth!"

He stopped what he was doing to look back at me, "And then hopefully back again!"

The true game began, but only after we bumped our fists against one anothers.


	9. WHEEEW!

Part 9 - WHEEEW!

Toby's character wandered around a little distance from where my character stood. And so far, the only raw materials that we could find were: sand, stone and grass.

However, without any trees in sight, there was no way for us to mine the stones.

Neither of us wanted to tear down the things that had already been crafted, because there was still no evidence that the server was completely abandoned.

I hadn't noticed that I'd lost sight of Toby, so sprinting in the direction that I'd last seen him walking, I quickly found myself standing on the edge of a precipice.

Yet at the very bottom of it, was a never-ending forest of trees.

Still, there was no sign of Toby.

We had decided to sit back-to-back so that we couldn't look at one another's computer screen, and I had to admit, it was making things a little more interesting.

"Hey, which way did you go?"

Slowly answering, he whispered, "Nearly over the edge of a huge mountain."

I knew where he was, and that there had to be a way down. Walking along the edge, I found what looked to be the beginnings of a trail. I didn't know how far down it would take me, but it was better than Toby's risky way.

Following the path, I heard Toby whispering, "Easy...easy...GAWD DANGIT!"

His random out burst startled me, "What happened?"

"I just pummelled downward about 6 feet!"

My character turned in what I thought was Toby's direction, he had landed right next to me. And when he saw what I was seeing, he asked in astonishment. "WHERE DID YOU COME FROM?"

"The path down."

"Th-Wh-Ho-WHERE?"

I giggled, "It was just a few feet from where you originally started out."

"Wha..." He looked upward, there it was, in plain sight. "Seriously?"

Joking, I said, "For cereal!"

The rest of the trek was uneventful. Toby was careful enough to keep both feet on solid ground, and when we reached the forest, it felt as though we had arrived at our very own Promised Lands.

We began to punch away at the trees with our fists of fury, gathering up the blocks of wood that fell.

Making the crafting table when we were ready, Toby suddenly took off running and said, "WHOA! What...What is that thing?"

I had no clue about what he was talking about, but looking up from crafting a wooden sword, I saw what he was referring to.

How could we have missed THAT?

It looked like an ancient wooden roller coaster! Only in Minecraft, there were no roller coasters, there were minecarts.

The tracks started off as being just a straight, ground level line, but at about 30 feet, the track began to ascend, shooting up at a 45 degree angle. Powering it up, so that you could maintain a fairly quick speed, were pwered rails and Redstone torches.

And there was Toby, working his way to the very beginning.

"Hey, Brixta, there are minecarts over here!" Toby said as he removed one of them from the chest that had been set beside the start of the track.

However, I wasn't paying much attention, and was walking along the track, away from Toby.

When he spoke next, he was all but drowned out completely, "I'm gonna do it! I'm gonna ride this thing!"

"Uh-huh."

He set the cart onto the track and clicked on it, jumping in.

And he was off!

The next thing that I heard was Toby behind me, and he was happily yelling out, "WHEEEEW!"

My character turned around, just in time to see Toby, minecart and all, barrelling towards me. The first thing that came to my mind was the one scene from The Lion King when Nala was chasing after Pumbaa, trying to turn him into a tasty snack.

Toby was Nala.

And just like Pumbaa, I turned my character back around and got the hell out of there, screaming out as I went, "IT'S GONNA EAT ME!"

It was already too late though, Toby and the minecart flattened me down to being nothing but a pancake.

Toby laughed from behind me, "What did I just hit?"

I sighed, "That would be me.." I began to make my way to where Toby was, and I had decided, that when I got there, that roller coaster would burn for this.


	10. Self Doubt

Part 10 - Self Doubt

"Well that's enough Minecraft for today." Toby whispered as he shut his laptop down. We had barely played for an hour, and he was all ready to call it a day?

Hadn't he been the one so excited to play in the first place?

Leaving my laptop running, I continued to play, "Give up?"

He snickered quietly, "Nah, just promised a friend that I would meet up with them today."

"Oh," I pressed the "Esc" button, and paused the game. "Yeah, I've still got videos to record for today...I slacked a little yesterday, and if I'm ever going to become a YouTube Partner, then I'm going to start giving it my all..."

Toby gently patted me on the back, letting me know that I had his support.

Which I was grateful for. No one had ever given me their support in my chosen path of careers. Not even my parents. And Toby really was the only person that I knew who could possibly help me to achieve my dream.

But as I waved, and watched Toby leave, my dreams had never seemed as unreachable as they did then.

Did I really have what it takes to become a YouTube Partner? Did I have the right kind of personality to honestly keep my viewers interested? Did I have the absolute determination to actually do whatever it would take?

Thinking of Toby, I began to compare myself to him.

In his videos, he always gave his subscribers everything that he had to make sure that they'd keep coming back for more. On the other hand, there was me, the person who'd give up at the first sign of anything that would make me scream.

I blamed Amnesia for that.

Another factor that set Toby apart from me, he could be funny without even trying! In order for me to think up an original joke, I usually have to think them up before hand...and the end product usually isn't that funny after all.

Was it that my dreams were just too big for me?

I exited out of Minecraft and opened up WIndows Media Player, and began listening to music.

The first song that played was "The (Shipped) Gold Standard" by Fall Out Boy, and with it being one of my favorites, I instantly began to calm down.

Lying down, with my back against the floor, I looked serenely up at the ceiling. I was still finding it hard to believe that I had only been living in my apartment for three days.

Yet, how could it only have been three when it already felt like a full year had gone by?

Did Toby's presence have that effect on people? Or was it just me?

As I heard one song change to another, I quietly began to sing along with the lyrics. During my life, I had memorized over 300 songs. Each song usually sticking after having been heard twice.

My mind, as I whispered the words, started to have its own thoughts. Separating into two parts, the one that made me sing, and the one that made me worry.

_"What if I never reach my goal? What then?" _I closed my eyes, envisioning the lyrics I heard and what they meant. _"Maybe mom was right...I should've done just like Admir had, and just gone off to college for a few years..."_

The worrying half though of my older brother, Admir. He had been the child of my mom's previous marriage, making him truly my half-sibling, but we had been treated as though we were fully related from day one.

He was the successful one.

Married, had a daughter, owned his home.

The definition of perfect.

Leaving me where? As I was the youngest, I found that everything that I did, always got compared to how Admir had got it done, faster and better.

What was left for me to achieve, that he hadn't?

Nothing.

I was the daughter that had been standing in the shadow of her brother since birth.

Singing louder, so that I could try and drown out my fearful doubts, I sang along with the Japanese lyrics of "Amrita -Hikikatari". The piano opening always catching my attention. The softness of the melody holding it in place.

Normally stealing away all that was wrong, and healing it.

Today, however, the wrong stood its ground, and I was just singing along with yet another beautiful song.

_"Maybe...I'm not where I'm supposed to be...This just is maybe a fool's dream...made to enchant, but not to follow..."_ I sighed heavily as "Amrita" faded into silence.

For the first time, I noticed that it was starting to grow dark outside, and I wondered if Toby was having a better time than I was...After all, killing your own dreams never made anyone feel good...

Realizing how little self-worth that you have for yourself...

"Toby belongs here...he deserves to be a YouTube Partner...but me...Why did I even come here?" I softly whispered as I heard the sound of several people passing by the door of my apartment.

It was Toby, and he wasn't alone. I heard the door to his place close, and also heard the beginning of a song that I loved dearly.

"Whisper Something Fragile" was playing. A song that I'd heard once on the radio and wasn't able to forget it since.

Going back to whispering, I barely spoke the lyrics.

But when the song got to a certain part, my eyes suddenly snapped open, and I was affected by the song in a different way that I had ever been before.

It had gotten to the third verse, and my voice had frozen. So listening to the words and not just the lyrics, I hardly dared to breathe.

_"Miss Jones we'll run away_

_This part's for the girl, Miss Jones I will admit_

_Since you came into my world_

_It's changed me quite a bit_

_So look me in my eyes, and whisper something fragile_

_I'll see you soon_

_I'll see you real soon."_

Tears slowly filled my vision. It was almost as if the something fragile from the song, had been my dreams...

My heart...

My everything...


	11. What I Really Need Is

Part 11 - What I Really Need Is...

Within my dreams, I found the peace of mind that I longed for. No one judged me. I was me, and no one else. To not be surrounded by people that I could be compared to...

It was the only time where I could pick myself up, piece by piece, and fit them back together. But the night, can only last for so long...and some pieces are bound to be forgotten in the end.

How many pieces, though, need to be lost before I can no longer continue to be me?

As night turned to morning, I was still lying there on the floor of my apartment, and another part of who I am, had been forgotten. The events that took place, only a little while ago, were still fresh in my mind.

Part of me was glad that Toby hadn't been there to see me fall apart like that. Yet, the rest of me wished that he had, so that for once, someone could maybe have told me that everything would be fine.

"So much for me being able to help Toby..." I whispered as I sat up. "I can't even help myself..." Looking at the clock, I realized that it was already close to being one.

How long exactly had I been asleep?

Also, wasn't Toby usually greeting me with another idea on how to spend the day, by now?

It didn't matter. I still needed some time to collect myself together, so the time alone, wasn't that bad.

I had somewhat grown used to what had happened the night before. Seeing as this had been the fifth or so time that it had happened. So it wasn't anything entirely new.

Brushing my hair, I quietly left my apartment. I had spotted a very small patch of grass when Toby and I had went to go to the Citadel Factory Outlet, and I'd been wanting to visit it since.

Shading the grass, was a tall tree. I normally wasn't the type to get excited about nature, but I needed to do something that wasn't normal for me to do.

I had to sort out the things in my life that I was unsure of.

First, would it just be better for me to go home?

Sure, Toby might be a little sad at first, but he'd be fine. He would figure that we were both just strangers crossing paths...walking the same road for a short time, but only to go separate ways in the end.

Second, that I just drop my dream of being a YouTube Partner all together.

That would end all of my doubts, right?

I leaned up against the tree, and slowly sunk down to the earth. "Why is life so difficult? Why can't I live without this fear of failing...Is it that if I fall one more time, that I won't survive it?"

My mind went back to the past, and I revisited all of the pain that I'd had to endure...

Shutting my eyes, I forced myself to stop! Why should I think of something that would only cause more harm than good?

I needed something to lift my spirits, but before I could decide on what, I heard Toby's voice. "Brixta! There you are, gurl!"

Hiding any remaining sign that something was wrong, I waved at Toby, and called back to him, "Yeah, just needed some fresh air."

He laughed, and that brought a smile to my face. "Hey Toby, do you want to do something today? I need a break from games, but I don't feel like going out, so do you want to watch a DVD or something?"

"Yeah, have anything in mind?"

I smiled, I had figured out what I needed, "You up for some red versus red and blue versus blue?"


	12. Just What Doc Ordered

Part 12 - Just What Doc Ordered

From my apartment, I grabbed my copy of the first season for the popular web series, "Red vs Blue". I'd been introduced to it sometime during the running of season two, so I was caught up with what was happening. Though, I still didn't know if Toby knew what "Red vs Blue" was.

When he saw the DVD box, he smiled and asked, "What's that?"

And just like I'd done with "Empress of the Night" I held the front of the cover out for him to see. This time he had the adverse reaction. "Halo? It's a Halo series?"

Slowly nodding my head, I whispered, "Yes?"

"Shoo gurl, pop that DVD in!" He excitedly exclaimed.

After I had put the DVD into the player, and we'd watched the usual "Federal Warning" the menu appeared, and I pressed play.

Swaying from side to side as the opening song played, I watched as the characters for the show were introduced, and clapped like a giddy school girl when Caboose was shown.

Toby laughed, "Who's he?"

"The best Red vs Blue character! His name is Caboose, and he just happens to be the fan favorite!" I explained as the remaining characters were shown.

"I see." There was a small pause, and when the first episode began, Toby pointed to the Spartan in the maroon armor. "Him...he's my favorite."

My head hung low in shame, "Simmons? You pick him to be your favorite? If you're going with one of the Reds why not go with Sarge, or Grif...even Donut is a better choice than Simmons..."

Out of all the characters from the series, Toby had managed to pick my least favorite one. I can't understand why I don't like Simmons, maybe it's because his voice actor freaks me out a little, but officially I don't know.

"Simmons, huh? Yeah," he smirked at me, "I like him."

As the episodes quickly went by, and we soon got to one of my favorites. "Don't Ph34r the Reaper" and I couldn't stop laughing when the famous scene with the trio chorus of "son of a bitch" came around.

What made it even more hilarious was when Toby had laughed himself to tears. :Ho-How have I not seen this before?" He pleaded as he doubled over in a fit of laughter.

Just when I was going to attempt an answer, my second favorite scene occurred.

The scene where Caboose is begging Sheila, the smart tank, to let him out before it's blown up. And then the reaction from Caboose when Sheila is damaged.

"Sheila, NOOOO!" I quoted as I tried not to laugh.

Toby and I both watched intently, and when the ghost of Church came back, he said, "I thought that something like that happened only in a horror movie, and not in a parody like this."

Choosing to ignore him, I continued to watch. It seemed like it had been forever since I'd seen "Red vs Blue" and after such a long break, the series was better than I'd rememberd.

When Toby saw a new character, a Spartan in black armor, he asked, "Who's he?"

I giggled and knew that Toby was in for a surprise, "That's Tex. A freelance agent." Keeping a close eye on him after that, I watched his reacting when it was revealed that Tex was a girl.

"HOTHOTHOT!"

We both laughed and watched the rest of the season in silence. This really was what I needed all along.

A good laugh that was genuine.

A good laugh, with a good friend.


	13. Towards the Sky

Part 13 - Towards the Sky

With "Red vs Blue" over, Toby and I needed to decide on what to do next. We could do what I said we wouldn't and go out into town, just to hang out at a few stores, but I still didn't feel a hundred percent better.

Though while we both had sat there in Toby's apartment, I had decided on one big thing. I would be Toby's escape from his stressful present, and he could be my escape from my depressing past. Helping each other in our darkest hours, while also keeping each other company during our brightest days.

Weathering our storms. Knowing that a blue sky would always be there waiting for us both.

Looking over at Toby, his brown eyes shining brightly with anticipated enthusiasm. He was obviously up for an exciting adventure where we both head off to a store. Fight off our many allergies. And still make it back home in time for a nice glass of milk, or in his case, a nice iced coffee.

"So what's on your mind? I can practically hear the rustic gears grinding all the way over here." I commented with a slight giggle.

Joining in on the laughter, he snickered then answered, "I was just thinking you must be pretty far into Amnesia by now." He grinned, and I grimaced.

I had absolutely no want or need to think about Amnesia right then. But I answered honestly, "Nah, I'm still in the prison block...Amnesia turns me into a human chicken nugget..."

The laughter continued, Toby truely was a carefree, highly dis-tractable, overgrown child when it came to me, wasn't he?

If only we all could be so lucky.

Yet with a stern expression, I stared at Toby, shook my head and muttered, "Go ahead and laugh it up while you still can. But really, what did you do in order to get through the game in one piece?"

Hearing is explanation, I knew was going to be interesting, and that it'd be worth a good laugh or two.

"Boone."

Baffled, I just sat there. After all, what the hell was a 'Boone'?

Did he mean Daniel Boone?

_"It would make sense," _I thought, _"but I still have no clue as to who or what 'Boone' is...Did Toby name one of the monsters 'Boone'?"_

Finally after a moment of trying to figure it out on my own, with a smile and a clam nod, I ventured to ask, "Okay, you got me, what's a 'Boone'?"

More laughter. "Here's a clue. This rock is my Boone!" Was all that he exclaimed with a determined look in his eyes.

It had finally hit me..."OH! So you had Boone, just like PewDie's got Stephano, Piggeh, the Barrels and other fun characters!"

The determination faded away, only to be replaced with sheer and utter confusion. "PewDie?"

Gasping, I whispered, "You've never heard of PewDiePie?"

Toby shook his head no, his eyes reminding me one more of a puppy. Only this time, a sad puppy in fear of being punished.

"Toby...Toby...Toby Turner, it is time that you become enlightened! It is time that you become a bro, just lime me." I had gotten up and walked over to where he was sitting. And placing a hand on his shoulder, I gently gripped it, then added on, "If you want to become a bro. We could just play Amnesia if you'd like that better."

For a second he thought,, then wit a sheepish smile he said, "Can we just play the game for now? Then maybe this Pie guy later."

Slightly taken aback, I couldn't help but ask myself if Toby was actually embarrassed, or was he just playing? It was hard for me to tell, I'd only ever seen him as happy, funny, confident, hyper but never embarrassed.

Well unless I didn't count that time with that one book...but that was just him caught off guard...This was genuine shyness.

With a warm smile, I gave his shoulder another gentle squeeze. "Sure. You know I can't really play unless my friend, the Amnesia Veteran, is there with me. Without you there, like I said earlier, I'm just a giant chicken nugget."

At this, we both cracked a smile.

I immediately began to set up my laptop, and all of the recording programs that I used. Toby helping out as much as he could, turning off lights, leaving only one small lamp on.

If you're going to play Amnesia, you'd better do it right. Surrounded by darkness, and little to no sanity to start off with.

That way, you can't lose what you never had.

"You ready to be my co-commentator?" I asked as the menu for the game loaded.

"Only if you find my Boone!"

Laughing nervously, I replied, "Okay, but I've got to get past Mr. Face-Lift-Gone-Wrong first!" I clicked on the load game that I wanted. "Which, to you, might very well be the most hilarious thing that you'll ever see...of all time!"

Before he could speak, I began recording, remaining as calm as possible when I spoke. "Hey guys! You will never guess who's here with me today! Go on and try to make a guess!" Glancing ove at Toby, I asked, "Do you think that you can guess it right?"

Humming softly as he thought it over, he asked, almost sounding as though he'd guess wrong, "Is it Toby Turner?"

"DING DING DING! We have a winner!" I laughed for a moment, then continued, "That's right, today I have Toby Turner here with me! Now for those of you who don't know who I am, I'm Brixta, and we're playing Amnesia The Dark Descent, and I'm still in the prison block...happy, happy...Joy, joy, joy..." I muttered sarcastically, as Toby chuckled beside me.

"Oh, and another thing, Toby seems to have lost his pet rock. Its description is: gray and answers to the name of 'Boone'."

Looking then at my computer screen, I shuddered, The prison block was my least favorite part of the game. Every turn that you took was closely followed by a scream, growl or chattering teeth.

All of which were more than enough to drive Daniel over the edge.

As I navigated my way down the long, dark hallway leading to the small set of stairs, I could hear Toby jumping next to me. And I was pretty sure that he'd eventually jump his way to the moon in a minute if he continued as he was.

However, I couldn't blame him. If it wasn't for him being there with me, I'd probably be rage quitting at the game by that point. Yelling things at it, like, "You're the scariest game ever to be made," or "I can't believe that I ever bought you! What drove me to make such an insane decision?"

When it comes to a survival horror game, I found, that little to no insults can be made that would do it justice. That it's just best to play it, and give it what it wants.

Screams. And plenty of them.

I couldn't help but to jump and squeak a little when Toby startled me, by saying, "Hey is that Boone?"

Suddenly I was looking up towards the ceiling, but was still moving forward. My mouse hand had been scared to the point where it was twitching.

Something that was never a good thing for me when it came to a video game. "Toby..."

Covering his mouth to stifle his laughter, he quietly said, "Sorry."

I tried to shake off the now impending fear, and without realizing where exactly in the game I was at, I heard a menacing growl.

"Oh, you've gotta be kidding me!" Rotating Daniel a little, once again, as always, I found myself face-to-face with the servant Grunt, and with a small laugh, I stated, "So we meet again! You know, we can't keep seeing each other...it just won't work..."

Mr. Face struck once, ending Daniel's life again. "Like I said, it wouldn't work!"

Toby was on his back, rolling around in boisterous laughter. At least he was enjoying himself.

With a soft sigh, I paused the game, "Well guys, I'm sorry that I haven't made an progress again today. I would continue playing, but..." I watched as Toby was still rolling around, "But I think I've got to take Toby to the funny farm, where life is beautiful all the time! So say good-bye Toby."

Between breaths, that came between fits of laughter, he got out the words "Good-bye" as best as he could.

This was just another bright side to both of our storms, and looking up at the ceiling of his apartment. Towards the direction of the sky, that was hopefully as blue for him as it was for me, I joined him in laughing.

Tears falling from our eyes by the time we were done. And making our friendship all the more stronger in the process.


	14. Within Dreams

Part 14 - Within Dreams

Later that night, after I had gone back to my own apartment, and gone to bed. I quickly fell asleep, and entered into a dream that I'd had before. Only this time, there was one major difference.

Toby was there.

The dream that I'd fallen into, was more like a nightmare than anything else. It was the aftermath effect that Amnesia usually left with me.

Toby and I had somehow wound up in a dark hallway, neither of us having anything to light our way.

So looking in his direction, I whispered, as quietly as I could. "Toby, we've got to get out of here, now! We've got to be careful about it too!" My eyes darted from side to side, sweeping over the entirety of the hallway. Trying and failing at adjusting to the darkness.

I knew what awaited us at the end of the hall...and I was determined not to see it again.

Not in this dream!

Yet with a goofy grin spreading across his face, Toby gently patted me on the back. "No need to fear. Shoo gurl, all we had to do is find Boone, and then we can wish this all away!" Laughing loudly, not showing any fear of what was surrounding him, Toby smiled wider than I'd ever seen him smile before. His smile stretched from one ear to the other.

He truly was confident that Boone was our secret savior? The hero that would swoop in and defeat our enemies?

Within the darkness, I could still see the sparkle of hope that was nearly always in his eyes. "Okay, we'll look for Boone, but Toby, our safety comes before a rock." I whispered even more quietly than I had before.

This nightmare had always terrified me, and I feared having it night after night after night. And it usually wasn't until the screaming started that I woke up.

Though, in the dream, I was normally all alone, however, Toby was here this time.

"Brixta, I know that our safety comes first. But 'This rock is my Boone' is more than just a rock that I named Boone. It stands for a strong foundation that can be stood behind. A foundation that will never give and crumble away."

My gaze never left his face. "Toby?"

Calmly, he took a step away from me, his eyes staring at what was up ahead of him. His voice, remaining as friendly as ever, "Come on, we can't stay here for much longer. They'll realize that we're here, and the hunt will be on soon."

Barely moving my head, I nodded, and I knew that he was absolutely right. It wouldn't be long before the servant grunt, and the ever more fearsome brute, would know that both of us were there.

They'd find us quickly. That much was for sure.

As Toby resumed walking, I quickly followed behind him. Unable to stop myself from shaking in fear. The darkness constricting me, consuming me. It was nearly enough to make me whimper in terror.

Forcing me to face all of my worst fears at once.

Why wasn't I running? Why wasn't I trying to escape all of this? Why wasn't I crying out for someone to wake me...to save me?

About ready to open my mouth and say something to Toby, I heard a loud moan coming from someplace nearby.

The moan sounded almost like a whale.

My eyes grew wide, and my mouth opened, I was finally ready to scream my lungs out, but Toby slid behind me, covered his hand over my mouth, and hid us both behind a stone pillar that was close to us.

No sooner had we hidden ourselves, that a tall, disfigured monster walked by. Its head, split open at the top, a rusted blade attached to its arm, replacing a lost hand.

It was one of the brutes.

How unfortunate for us. However, despite the brute, showing up, my mind lingered on the fact that Toby had saved me...even though it was only in a dream, he had still saved me from waking up, screaming as loud as I could. Terrified for my life.

Toby's hand continued to cover my mouth until the brute had finished patrolling that area, and only removed it after he was sure that the monster wouldn't be coming back. "Are you okay?"

"...Yeah..." Was all that I could mutter while I stared down at the stone floor. Was Toby usually this brave...and had I just failed to see it so far?

Or, was this just my mind making him into the person that I needed to have with me, while I was still in this dream?

Hearing him sigh, he pressed his back up against one of the walls, and slid down to the floor. Sitting there with his knees drawn to his chest. "You know I've been keeping a secret from you..."

Setting down beside him, I finally spoke in my normal volume, "Yeah, I know that you're really TOBUSCUS. But don't worry, it's only in dreams that I'd ever admit to knowing it." Gently moving my neck to the left, I rested my head on Toby's shoulder.

It seemed that right then, neither of us were afraid of the dangers that we were surrounded by. And it was at that time that the scenery of my dream changed.

The darkness faded, and a bright light took its place. We were out of the world within Amnesia.

We had survived.

Taking a deep breath, I glanced over in Toby's direction, only to find that he was already staring in mine.

"What's on your mind? I can hear those gears grinding all the way over here." He whispered with an impish grin.

Returning the smile, I replied as I slowly began to close my eyes. "The fact that I'm lucky enough to have found a wonderful friend like you."

Chuckling softly, he agreed with me, and my dream began to drift away.

Waking up in my apartment, I smiled. Even in dreams could Toby help me feel better, no matter what the situation might be. That he had a certain calming effect that could ease my fears away in no time at all.

I really was lucky to have met Toby, and not for even a second, would I ever dare give him up!


	15. Changing Things Up

Part 15 - Changing Things Up

Bright and early the next morning, Toby was standing outside of my apartment, knocking on the front door in the rhythm of what sounded like multiple show tunes. Fortunate enough for him, I was already awake, showered, dressed in a fresh pair of clothes, and ready for a new day full of grand adventures.

My dream from the night before, was still fresh in my thoughts. I was unable, as well as unwilling to forget it. I wanted to think about how Toby had rescued me from the brute for just a little bit longer.

"Brixta?" He called from behind the door, and I wasn't positive as to if he had the screw driver that he'd deemed to be the "perfect lock-picking tool" with him.

Though I didn't really want to find out. The more time that Toby spent trying to break his way into my home, the less time that he and I would have to spend together.

Opening the door, I was happy to see Toby standing there, with that same enthusiastic smile that I'd grown to love. Today he had chosen to wear something that wasn't a "TOBUSCUS" shirt, but still printed on it was a logo that many people would still recognize.

It was a black shirt with the red "M" that stood for Machninima.

Personally, I wasn't a big fan of them, but as a person who wanted to be a YouTube Partner, knowing who they were was just one of the basic things that you needed.

Walking into my living room, Toby sat down on what had evidently become his favorite seat in the house. "What's on the agenda for today? Yesterday, I got the distinct feeling that Amnesia would be out of the question."

"That it is!" I sat down on the floor next to Toby, and thought for a short while. We hadn't exactly done anything that he'd wanted to do, so deciding on that, I looked over at him and asked, "I don't know. What about you? Do you have anything specific in mind?"

He smiled wider, his eyes lighting up, almost like a child waking up on Christmas morning and finding that Santa had left dozens of presents behind for him to open.

"Well I actually was planning on heading into town today. One of my Heelys lost a wheel, and I need to get a new one. And I heard of another game, it's by the same people that made Amnesia, it looks fairly interesting."

I immediately knew what game he was talking about. "You're referring to Penumbra, right? The game series that came out before Amnesia?"

"Yeah, Penumbra, I've read a few reviews for it on GameStop's website. Do you know anything about them?" He asked, looking more intently at my face.

Of course I knew about them, I was a huge Frictional Games fan! So nodding my head, I said, "I actually bought all three games last year for my birthday. Still haven't played any of them yet, I'd like to beat Amnesia first."

Watching as his smile grew even wider still, I continued on with saying, "You're welcome to play them, if you'd like. It'd be nice to not have to be the one playing the scary game for once."

I couldn't help but laugh at the look that was on Toby's face by that point. Had he thought that the Penumbra series was a non-scary game?

Apparently, he had.

But then what were you to expect when it came to games that had titles like: Overture, Black Plague and Requiem?

Titles like that couldn't bring good news, or perfect rays of sunshine.

No, they're destined to bring screams and terror!

We both sat there in silence for a moment, and then it hit me that he'd mentioned something that I had absolutely no clue as to what it was. "Toby, what's a Heelys?"

Lifting his left leg and crossing it over his right, showing me his shoe. In the sole of it was an impression that looked as though there was something that normally was there, but was now absent.

"Does a..." I pointed at the impression, "Does a wheel go there?"

"Usually, but like I said, the wheel for this shoe, has been lost..." He sniffled, acting as though the loss of his wheel was the end of the world.

"But why do you wear shoes that have wheels to begin with?"

Without any hesitation, Toby answered my question, and I knew that I hadn't been the first person to have asked him that. "Because I'm twelve in the head, and it's also fun to get a running start and scream out 'WHEEEW" as you're speeding down the sidewalk. It's an added bonus if other people are there watching it all happen. They all have the same confused expression."

He raised one of his eyebrows, and left his mouth slightly agape. Both of his eyes were opened wide.

Quite honestly, he really did look confused, but I just smiled fondly at him. "So do you wanna go and get that wheel of yours? I'll even look into getting a pair of these Heelys so that there can be twice the fun, and twice the confusion!"

Toby jumped to his feet, his face lit up with joy, "Shoo gurl! You don't need to ask me twice! Let's go! I've got my car keys, my wallet, my brain and my friend!" He wrapped his arm around the back of my shoulders and pulled me closer in towards him. Reminding me before we left to grab my bank card, if I was seriously going to consider buying my own pair of Heelys.

In his car, we had settled on listening to the radio, and to just leave it on the station that it was already set on. The song playing when Toby had started his car up, was one that I knew, and quietly began to sing along with it.

_"Leave it all the fights and all_

_Summer's getting colder_

_Drive all night to hold you tight_

_Back to California_

_Days went by_

_We waited and I guess we're getting older_

_We couldn't win in the end."_

Though I'd been whispering along with the music, when it had ended, I heard Toby gently clapping next to me. "We need to go sing Karaoke sometime!"

Blushing, I muttered, "I...I don't think that'd be a good idea. I get stage fright really bad..." Shifting my vision down to my feet, I whispered, "Besides, I'm not that good..."

"Nah, I thought you were pretty good."

I quickly brushed away his complement, and looked out at the road as it went by. My mind heading back to my dream, it wasn't going to be something that I'd forget easily. The way that I'd been saved.

It was the first time anyone had ever saved me, even in dreams. I felt my heart beat a little faster, and I couldn't help but jump when Toby spoke again.

"Hey, Brixta, I never asked, but when's your birthday? After all, I believe that I told you mine, right?"

Without even looking at him, I nodded my head and whispered, "March 3rd. Mine's September 29th."

He responded, but I couldn't even hear what he was saying. I just wanted to focus on my thoughts until we got to where we were going. Which didn't take much longer. We were there within the next twenty minutes, and while Toby went to go look at wheels, I looked at the different styles of Heelys that were in stock.

I saw that some had only one wheel, while others had two. Stopping one of the sale clerks as they walked by, I asked, "What's the difference in the Heelys that have one wheel versus two?"

With a smile on their face, the clerk answered, "A Heely with two wheels offers more stability to a first time owner, and when the person feels comfortable enough, they can remove the smaller of the two wheels, so that it becomes a regular Heely. I hope that answers your question."

"Thanks." I looked back at the styles, deciding that it was probably for the best if I got a Heely with two wheels, seeing as I'd never worn a a pair of them before, and that I was also extremely clumsy, and bound to fall down.

A lot!

In the end, I chose a pair of black and white "Jazzy" Heelys. They reminded me of converse shoes, and when I had tried them on, I had liked the overall feel of them.

When Toby saw them, he nodded in approval. "Nice choice in going with one of the Heelys with two wheels. Save your butt a ton of pain!" He laughed and I giggled slightly along with him.

After we'd paid for our things and were just about to get into Toby's car to head back to my apartment, Toby asked, "Well aren't you going to try them out?"

I felt the box in my hands, was it really worth embarrassing myself in front of him, just to wear a pair of shoes with wheels? Yeah, I'd Heely around with him, but only AFTER I'd gotten used to them, and was no longer crash landing onto my butt. "Not today, I'd like to get somewhat used to them before I go racing around with a Heelying pro, such as yourself."

Smiling, we both got into his car and headed back to my apartment, where Penumbra was waiting for us both.

As soon as we were there, I went to go and set up my laptop and the game. I figured that he wouldn't be wanting to record a play through, so I left the recording programs alone. With the laptop in my arms, I took it into our usual gaming area. Turned out the lights, except for our one lamp. And Toby was ready to play.

Starting the game up, words began to be typed up onto the screen, and with a clear voice, Toby read the words out loud.

_"There are things I need of you. Things you may not understand, and may not wish to do, but please, do not make the same mistakes I did._

_My father, Howard, deserted me before I was born. I could claim the loss of my mother, and the letter I received after her funeral, blinded me to what I had to do. It would be a lie:_

_Human nature sealed my downfall._

_My name is Philip. If we are lucky, then by the time you receive this, I will be dead._

_If fate frowns, we all perish."_

Sitting next to Toby, I felt a shiver move down his spine when he'd gotten to the last line. I couldn't blame him though, the whole idea of an entire race having to pay for the mistake of only one person had always terrified me.

"I haven't even began playing the actual game, and already I'm afraid!" Toby whispered and laughed nervously.

Slowly he clicked on the 'new game' icon for Penumbra Overture, and we watched as the opening sequence played. We learned that Philip, who was evidently the main character in the series, had received a letter from his father...who had been dead for the past thirty years. And that writing from beyond the grave must be a family trait for the both of them. That in the letter, his father had asked him to travel to Greenland, to finish up some things that he himself hadn't been able to complete.

Things that would mean the end of Philip's life.

The story that was told, so far for the game was good, telling the basic back story of what had led up to where the game starts off at.

Which was a cabin on a boat, and just like in Amnesia, there were objects that Toby could collect. A journal, glow stick, flashlight, a few batteries and a key.

Very promising. More than what you could collect in the first room in Amnesia, which was a single tinderbox. It was obvious that Frictional Games were more generous when they had designed Penumbra.

"I guess that this isn't so scary. We've now got an infinite light source! No corner shall remain dark, so long as you have...your handy-dandy glow stick!"

Toby loosened up at this, and he left the boat, when he was sure he'd gathered everything that had been in the first room, but he quickly wished that he'd stayed where he had been.

He had found himself stuck in a horrendous blizzard, we both realized that Philip took damage to his health if you didn't move fast enough. And after a few attempts, Toby looked over at me, his eyes missing their usual sparkle, and he frantically whispered, "What am I supposed to do? I don't want to be stuck here for the entire game!"

Gently rubbing his back, I began to look at the computer screen, and when I saw something that we'd both overlooked, I pointed at it with my other hand, "What's that? It looks almost like a hatch..."

He looked closer at it as well, slowly nodding his head in agreement with me. "It is, but it's also frozen shut..."

"Let's see if there isn't anything around thatwe could possibly use to break the ice up."

The way that we were talking about the game, you'd think that it was an actual life-or-death situation, and when Toby gasped out of joy, and happily whispered, "This rock is my freaking Boone!" he clicked on the rock that he'd found, carried it over to the hatch, dropped it, broke the ice apart, and moved onto the next part in the game. We both couldn't help but to cheer and yell loudly.

We had solved the first of probably what would be hundreds of puzzles! An amazing feat for two adults suffering from A.D.D.

When the loading screen had disappeared, we saw that Toby was now in an underground mining shaft, and that there were a few more collectible goods. He, however, eventually found a hammer, the first thing that even remotely could've been used as a weapon.

But were you able to defend yourself in Penumbra? Neither me, nor Toby new the answer to that, but with the hammer in hand, Toby eventually found a weak spot in one of the rock walls. Breaking through it, and finding a tunnel that led us to the other side of a locked door that we'd encountered a few moments before.

We also found a metal pipe, and an odd metal structure with a hole just big enough for the pipe to fit in. Though, just as Toby was about to stick the pipe into the metal structure, some unknown force began to pound on a metal door in the floor.

This caused both Toby and me to jump nearly a foot away from my laptop. And without even noticing the fact that we'd taken hold of one another, as if trying to protect the other from what was in the game, we both quietly whispered, "That's enough for today..." and saved the game.

Remaining frozen the way we were, sitting there on the floor of my apartment, holding onto each other for dear life.


	16. Forever With You

Part 16 - Forever With You

Hearts still racing, Toby and I finally began to relinquish our hold on one another, both of our faces slightly pink with embarrassment. And it was Toby who eventually broke the awkward silence that had grown between us.

"So what now?" He quietly laughed, and I knew that he was trying to get the atmosphere back to where it had been before Penumbra had decided to scare the living crap out of us both.

Though, before I myself could answer, my stomach did the talking fore me, and I guessed that it was noon, time to eat some lunch. "Um, how about something to eat? Are you hungry?"

With another laugh, he hopped to his feet and wondered into my small kitchen, opening cabinets occasionally as he went. "Bread? Meat? Where are your goods, gurl?"

Plopping sideways onto the pallet where Toby had been sitting, I thought then answered, "I believe that it's all in the refrigerator. Also if I'm not mistaken, I've got turkey, ham and maybe, bologna. Chips are in the cabinet to the left of the fridge."

He quickly began to set about with making his sandwich, while I stayed where I was, my mind racing through was seemed like millions of different thoughts.

Different as they were, they all still had to do with the same subject: Toby.

It seemed that since my dream, I had began to see him in a completely different light than I had before. No longer was he just my silly friend and neighbor, but he'd also transformed into my silly neighbor that I just so happened to had developed a crush on.

Tilting my head to the side, I watched as Toby just started to devour his sandwich, that same goofy smile planted onto his face. "You going to join me? Don't think that I didn't hear your stomach growling and sounding even more fierce than the monsters in Amnesia! Because I did!" He joked in-between bites of his sandwich.

Sticking my tongue out at him, I got up and set about my own food, hearing Toby complaining and saying something like, "Hey, that's not fair...my mouth is all...yuck..." as I placed a piece of bologna on a slice of bread, and topped it off with a few chips. Then setting next to Toby, I took a small bite. "Hey, what other games do you have that I don't know about yet?"

I held up a finger, telling Toby to wait for just a moment, then when my food had been chewed enough, and swallowed, I listed them off slowly. "Bioshock...Limbo, but do DS and PSP games also count?"

"All depends, which DS games do you have?"

After another bite, I answered truthfully, "I highly doubt that you'd be interested in those games. Especially since they're just part of the greatest games from my childhood!" I smiled over at him, taking another small bite of my sandwich.

Grinning back at me, he asked once more, "What DS games do you have?"

"Not telling you." I couldn't help but giggle like a school girl, and I felt my heart begin to race again.

What was I doing?

Had I finally lost my mind completely?

Yet I couldn't stop myself...I had caused the beginnings of an avalanche that would end in one of two ways: all would be okay, and Toby would tell me that he feels the same way as I do, or...I wouldn't be able to face him ever again, and I'd become the old lady who devotes all of her time to her cats.

I fell completely silent, and stared down at the rest of my sandwich that, by then, I no longer wished to eat.

The last possibility that I'd come up with was one thing that I desperately wanted to avoid. At all costs. "Toby, can I tell you something?" I blushed a deep shade of red.

There was no turning back now.

Toby was all seriousness, all signs of kidding erased from his face. "Of course you can! What is it?" He gently reached over and touched my shoulder. A friendly, warm smile forming on his lips.

My eyes still staring down at my sandwich, I quietly whispered, "It's something important, okay...but do you realize how I feel about you?"

Looking up at the ceiling, he sighed, "That I'm a good friend? At least, I hope that you think I make a good friend."

Nodding slowly, my mouth beginning to feel numb, I continued, "The best of the best, but Toby, it's just that there's more to it than that...I mean, I know that we hardly know each other. That we only met a week ago...but..." My voice began to fade away. My vision blurring the world around me.

"Brixta?"

At the sound of concern in his voice, I jerked my head up, a few rogue tears falling onto the counter top.

"Brixta, what are you trying to tell me, because right now I'm confused as to what it could be...and there's no way for me to help, unless you just tell me..." Toby calmly whispered, as he wiped away the tears that continued to fall with his fingers.

Taking a deep breath, I rushed the sentence out in one long word. " . . . . . ..."

Still smiling, he said, "Okay, now slow down and try that again."

Quietly, I laid my feelings out on the floor, "I would like to think of you as more than a friend..."

I could tell that he was shocked by the way that he didn't respond. The tears flooded my sight.

"I'm sorry, Toby..."

No matter what I would do from that moment wouldn't make any difference, I would never be able to face him and look him straight in the eyes, and say that I was alright. So getting up from my seat, I left him sitting there by himself.

Without thinking, I headed straight into my nearly bare bedroom, grabbed a CD from my collection, put it into my CD player and waited for the random song that the randomizer chose to play. While it started up a song, I sat with my back up against the wall beside the player.

Finding myself once again trying to solve my problems with music. My mouth working on its own, and singing along even though I hardly felt like singing.

_"At times life's unfair and you know it's plain to see_

_Hey God I know I'm just a dot in this world_

_Have you forgot about me?_

_Whatever life brings_

_I've been through everything_

_And know I'm on my knees again._

_But I know I must go on_

_Although I hurt I must be strong_

_Because inside I know that many feel this way._

_Children don't stop dancing_

_Believe you can fly_

_Away...away."_

My voice faded away, and I suddenly became aware of Toby, who had opened the door to my room, and had sat beside me, without me even realizing it.

And I also became aware of the fact that Toby was now holding me tightly in an embrace. His voice in my ear soft, and kind, yet one that I hadn't heard, "Thank you!" With this, he gently pressed his lips to the crown of my head, kissing it softly.

Stunned, I touched my hands to the arms that were holding me, I wasn't exactly sure why Toby had said 'Thank you,' but regardless, I whispered as best as I could manage, "You're welcome, Toby."

So as the music continued to play, I closed my eyes, deciding that if it was a dream that I was in, that I didn't want anyone to wake me. That I was content to stay there with Toby.

To stay there in that single moment in time, forever.


	17. You Make Me Believe

Part 17 - You Make Me Believe

All through out the night, Toby and I spent our time together talking, about anything and everything. About what had led me to confessing my feelings to him, and when I told him about my dream where we had been in the world of Amnesia, he laughed softly. As well as gently stroked my hair, while still holding me tightly, almost as though, he had the same fear that I had.

That this was only a dream, and that at any moment, I would vanish from sight, and that he'd find that I never existed within the life he had.

However, I had come to the wonderful conclusion, that this was all read! A dream come true, for me along with him.

After I had told him about my dream, leaving out the part where I had confirmed that I knew that he was TOBUSCUS, Toby had whispered softly that he had felt the same since the day where we had played Minecraft together. That we both shared a bunch of the same interests, and that he believed that we had been made for one another.

Two sides of the same coin.

Both of us being our own person, with our own likes and dislikes, yet still having many things in common with one another.

Completing each other, each having at least one thing that the other lacked.

With my eyes closed, I gently nuzzled my head against his chest. "Toby what happens now?"

"Hmm?"

"I mean, what happens to us now? We both feel the same about each other, I know, that these feelings aren't a for sure thing...but what are we going to do in the meantime, until we know whether or not our feelings are true?" I gently grasped one of his hands in my own, mine barely half the size of his.

Intertwining our fingers together, Toby laughed softly, "I don't think that we should worry about that. After all, we have no reason to."

Feeling each breath that Toby took, feeling the steady rise and fall of his chest reassured me that he was right. That just like anything else in life, it was best to just take it all one step at a time. And to just let all of the pieces fall into place.

In the end, the truth would be known, and we'd do what's needed then...and only then. Until that time came, we would enjoy what we had, spending as much of it together.

"You're absolutely right. I'm just so used to worrying." I laughed at myself and at my unnecessary doubts. Then slowly, I brought the back of Toby's hand to my lips.

When his skin reached my lips, I felt my face burn, the thought of me being able to openly do things like that to him, would take a little while to get used to.

If I got used to at all.

Laughing loudly, I felt the vibrations of his laughter against my ear. "You're silly, you know that? You silly little nugget." He whispered affectionately after his laughter had faded. "But then again, I can be quite silly myself, if I want. So you can be the nugget, and I'll be a biscuit, alright?"

"Alright." I smiled at the sound of his voice, it was the type of voice that could probably soothe a crying baby to sleep. It was perfect.

HE was perfect.

And I was the girl who was lucky enough to be embraced by him!

Looking down, he eventually noticed the smile on my face, which in turn, brought an even bigger smile to his. "What's on your mind, Brixta?"

Giving his hand a gentle squeeze, I whispered, "The fact that I'm lucky to have met you. If I hadn't decided to move here from Kentucky, I doubt if we would've ever met. I can't say that it was fate, technically, but I think that it wasn't just by chance, either."

Resting his cheek on the top of my head, he slowly began to agree, "I know, because I feel the same. If you hadn't come here, I would never have known of your existence. Just like you would never have known about mine."

"I'm glad it turned out this way."

For a moment, we both just sat in the darkness, me listening to the beat of his heart, and feeling the beat of mine, I noticed that we wee in sync with one another. That our hearts were beating as one.

I began to debate with myself on if I should just tell him that I knew exactly who he was, after all, the most important thing in any relationship, is honesty.

So, finally, taking a deep breath, I reached my decision. "Toby, I have one final thing that I need to tell you..."

Hardly moving, he asked, "What is it?"

With another deep breath, I said what was on my mind, before I could stop myself. "I know exactly who you are..."

Laughing gently, he whispered out his guess, "Yeah, I'm Toby Joe Turner."

Shaking my head quickly, he lifted his up and quietly peered down at me, "What about TOBUSCUS?"

A moment passed and then I heard him groan, almost as though he were in pain, "How did you find out? I mean, I've been so careful with hiding it..."

"My viewers. They blew your cover my first day here, when we recorded Amnesia together."

Toby didn't say anything, and I feared that I'd made him upset with me. So looking up at his face, I saw that there was a painful sadness in his eyes. Sitting up on my knees, I placed a hand on either side of his face, and quickly went on to say, "Toby, I'm sorry, I didn't tell you that I knew because I was trying to help you...I saw your video where you said that you could be yourself around me! I...I thought that I was helping you..." I allowed my hands to drop to my sides, and in my mind, I thought, _"I blew it...didn't I?"_

About ready to give up, and leave him alone, he surprised me by pulling me in close to him. "I didn't want to drag you into that part of my life. Though I love what I do, some viewers can be quite ruthless at times."

Shocked by Toby's sudden actions, I quietly whispered out, "I've come to realize that." Slowly pulling out of his embrace, I looked into his eyes. The pain and sadness was still visible, and gently, I pressed my forehead to his. "Toby, the snide remarks of others doesn't bother me. What you don't know, is that you make me believe in things that I didn't before. You've helped me believe that there still are good people amongst the bad. That there are still things to be hopeful about."

The look in his eyes was one of being somewhat confused, and smiling, I softly stated what I thought was plainly obvious, "Toby, you've become the miracle that I've been begging to happen for such a long time! Don't you see, you've freed me from a past that tortured me, and brought me to a bright and sunny future! A future with you!"

He mouthed out his next words, then finally spoke them out loud, "I'm your miracle?"

Nodding my head, I confirmed the question that he was asking, "Yes! You are the miracle that I've been asking for, for many years now! The one good thing in my life, that's actually real!"

Smiling brightly, he laughed, "That sounds nice. I'm glad that I was able to help you. I'm glad that I was your miracle."

Unable to help myself, I smiled as brightly along with him, "So am I!"

Then, slowly and gently, Toby rested his hand on the back of my neck, bringing our lips together, for a soft kiss.


	18. Downhill From Here

Part 18 - Downhill From Here

Toby didn't leave my apartment until early the next morning, and the entire time that he was there, sitting beside me, I couldn't help but to get the feeling that this was meant to happen. That me spilling my guts out to him was the road in life that I was supposed to take. And the whole idea of this, every single though that crossed my mind, made me smile.

I understood that it would take some time to get used to the concept that he and I were together, but I was fine with that.

Before he left, Toby kindly reminded me of my newly bought Heelys sitting inside of their box on the floor by my laptop, and that it'd be nice if I were to open them up and give them a try. After all, I spent the money to get them, so I should at least get my money's worth out of them.

My only wish was that Toby could have hung around for just a little while longer, so that if I were to fall, he'd be there to help me back to my feet. But work was calling, and it was time for him to transform into TOBUSCUS, for him to go and add more years onto the lives of many, one laugh at a time.

So when I was finally alone, I felt as if me and the Heelys shoe box were having an old fashioned stare down. To my expectations, the shoe box was winning, and for a great reason, was the only thing that helped it win.

As far as I could think back, I had always been the clumsiest person in the world. When I was no older than three, I tripped in the parking lot of an apartment complex and managed to split my skull open from my forehead to the center of my scalp, without even so much as breaking the skin, or bleeding.

The only thing that I was left with was a headache, a bruise, a cracked skull and an interesting story to tell people. Nothing more. Nothing less.

Exhaling nervously, I closed my eyes and whispered as calmly as I could manage, "Come on, Brixta! Are you going to be terrified of every little thing for the rest of your life? Spiders? HELL YEAH! I hate those things!" I twitched a little as though as I could feel a spider crawling on me at that very moment, but got myself back to normal, and continued, "Everything else, no, I'm going to look it right in the face, and tell it that I laugh in the face of danger!"

Laughing, even if it was a little shaken, I still laughed as I began to take my Heelys out of their box, and with a glance down at them, I grinned. "Hey, my wheels have shoes!"

I quickly undid the safety tie that attached the wheels to one of the shoes, and began to cut away at the plastic covering the wheels.

Why anyone had ever chose plastic to cover anything, had always been beyond me. All that it managed to do was irritate the person who had bought what it was covering.

Though after a short struggle, I finally took out the wheels to my Heelys. They were slightly heavier than they looked, and were a real pain in the butt when it came to popping them into place, but eventually, I noticed that I was trying to put the wrong wheel into the wrong place.

"I must be the very first person to need instructions for a pair of shoes...That makes me the most pathetic person ever...of all time!" Was all that I could mutter as I slipped one shoe on, and then seconds later, the other.

Then, finally, I was on my feet, wearing my new Heelys that should've come with the warning of "some assembly required". The feeling of them was somewhat different than most other shoes. Instead of walking with both feet firmly on the ground, I had to walk with my heels elevated, making it look almost as if I were walking along on my toes. "All right! This isn't so hard!" I exclaimed happily as I began to walk towards the door at a quicker pace.

However, once I was out of my apartment and trying to walk around on the concrete sidewalk, I was doing more flailing more than I was Heelying, or walking for that matter.

I couldn't help but to scream out a little, then after a moment of avoiding my impending doom, I calmly put my left foot out in front and slid my right foot back slightly. "Okay, now to get moving in that general direction..." I whispered through clenched teeth, treating my shoes as if they were a bomb about ready to go off, and slowly pointing ahead of where I was standing.

The only thoughts that I was thinking of were, 1) How do I get these things moving without killing myself, and 2) Why do I get the feeling that this is one of the biggest mistakes that I'm going to make in my life...ever?

Taking a deep breath, I gently pushed off with my right foot, and nearly a second later, both of my feet switched positions, and managed to get crisscrossed. "That's definitely not right...at least...I don't think it is?"

Correcting my feet, and putting them back where I wanted them, I tried Heelying again. This time, instead of crisscrossing, the bottoms of my shoes squealed against the ground. "Nope, again, not what's supposed to happen..."

I corrected my feet for the second time, and in my mind I kept chanting, _"Third times the charm! Third time is the flipping charm!"_ Pushing off with my right foot, I glided along the sidewalk for maybe a foot, and then stopped.

A foot, ten feet, it didn't matter to me, I was smiling as triumphantly as I could, and all because I had Heelied by myself, and without any one's help. And I had also done it, without a single casualty, or without needing to be rushed to the hospital to get a million stitches!

My Heelys were officially my favorite shoes that I had ever owned! Dangerous as they were, that didn't sway my decision at all.

I was finally able to understand why Toby loved his Heelys, and to be there myself, alongside him, made my feelings of triumph and happiness just that much stronger.


	19. Dancing to the Beat

Part 19 - Dancing to the Beat

As I slid both of my Heelys off, I was struck by the urge to listen to a few songs that I hadn't listened to in some time. Not only was music my go-to-solution when I was upset, but it was also my go-to for just about anything. And American music wasn't the only type that I would please my ears with.

For the past six years, I'd been listening to a wide range of music: Japanese pop and rock, German, a little bit of Russian, a song in Swedish and as a remembrance of my favorite show when I was in middle school, a single song in French.

To me, music was more than a part of the entertainment industries, it was what kept me whole and intact for so many years where life was just one big mistake after another. It was what got me through the betrayal of the person that I thought was not only my best friend, but also my sister.

On a bad day, I would drown my pain in a music marathon of My Chemical Romance, Evanescence, Simple Plan, and Fall Out Boy. A good day would consist of the same bands, plus a little T.a.T.u., Origa, Yui Makino, Maaya Sakamoto and if I was in a really good mood, maybe a few songs by L`Arc~en~Ciel and a laughter filled dance-along with Caramelldansen.

When I listened to music, it felt as though I'd suddenly learned how to sprout wings from my back, and miraculously taught myself how to fly. Imagining myself soaring through the sky and its mountainous fluffy white clouds.

To know such a wonderful feeling of freedom, to grow as a person within that feeling, and to understand it all, I slowly began to ask myself if I could allow Toby to know the same exact feelings as I do when it came to music. Could he completely lose himself within the rhythm, the words, could he become one with the songs?

Quietly dancing along with music that only I could hear, I pictured Toby doing the Caramelldansen with me, and only just thinking of it was enough to make me nearly choke up with laughter that I was fighting to suppress. The sight of him swishing his hips from left to right, while holding both of his hands up so that they barely touched the top of the hair on his head, opening and closing his fingers over his palms as if he were waving, was absolutely hilarious to me.

I giggled madly and decided, out loud, what my evil mastermind plot was going to be for that day. "Oh yeah, as soon as Toby gets back, I will teach him the 'dance of the Otaku'! Then my life will be complete...well, almost complete."

As I waited for Toby's return, I looked up the different versions of the song and which would be the easiest to learn. Considering that the speedycake remix would be the best, I remembered the English version of the song, and that they lyrics were actually the instructions on how to do the dance.

I was still looking up and watching different videos, when Toby walked into my apartment. "Hey, didn't get very far with those Heelys did you?" He quickly set his car keys on the counter top in the kitchen, then hurried to kneel behind me, looking over my shoulder and at the computer screen. "So what've you been up to?"

"Well, I did try my Heelys out, took me nearly an hour to get the wheels in though..."

Just as I had expected he would, Toby burst out laughing, his cheek gently brushing against mine. "Is that as far as you got?"

Shaking my head from side to side, "Nope, got to the side walk outside, failed on attempts one and two, but Heelied like a pro on try number three!"

"How far do you think you went?"

"A foot, maybe?"

Toby nodded his head in approval, and I took that as my best opportunity to bring up the fact that I wanted to teach him something. So gently taking his hand in mine, I asked, "Have you ever heard of the Caramelldansen?"

He thought for a while then, with a slight hint of sadness, answered, "Can't say that I have. What is it? A movie or something?"

"I'll show you what it is!" I smiled as I clicked on the video that I wanted. Hearing the techno beat made me want to automatically start dancing, seeing as I had trained myself to do so whenever I heard the song play.

Standing up, I gave Toby's hand a slight tug, "Alright, just do as I do, it's really simple, but it can also make you dizzy."

He gave me a puzzled look, and I began to dance, hardly even needing the audio instruction. Swinging my hips from side to side, keeping my movements at a semi-fast pace to keep in time with the music. Yet I noticed that Toby hadn't joined in, I giggled and began to sing along.

_"So come and move your hips, sing wha-a-a_

_Look at YouTube clips, do it la-la-la_

_You and me can sing this melody_

_So come and dance to the beat_

_Wave your hands together_

_Come feel the heat forever and forever_

_Listen and learn it is time for prancing_

_Now we are here with Caramell dancing!"_

Eventually, as I sang, Toby joined in on the dancing. A smile on his face, laughing at either the song or the idea of how silly he must look, but he was feeling what I had felt for so long.

The joy of being part of the music, and just letting yourself go. To not care of what the world thinks.

To just have fun, and whether or not this was what normal couples did, didn't matter.

After all, there was nothing normal about either of us, and that was one of the reasons that we could do anything with one another, even if it meant just sitting and talking for hours, and still have a good time.

We could just be ourselves, and the laughter never seemed to run out. Which was more than enough to bring a smile to my face.


	20. Round Two is Always Easier

Part 20 - Round Two is Always Easier

"Whatever that was, it was fun!" Toby whispered between laughter and breaks to take a breath of air. He slowly then took my hand and drew me closer to him, hugging me gently. "You were cute doing that little dance, exactly like a tiny bunny!" Leaning forward, he kissed the crown of my head.

I couldn't help but to blush, my face feeling as though it had become a steaming radiator. "Well I do love carrots...So I guess that I could be a bunny..." Lifting my hands, I placed them on top of his. "Toby?"

"Yes?"

"Could you teach me how to really Heely? Instead of me just going out there and thinking that I can do it, only to find my butt kissing concrete about half a dozen times before I realize 'Hey, I suck at this!'" I rested my head against his chest, and continued, "Because I really do want to be able to get to the point where I can Heely around with you, and to actually keep up, without tripping over my feet...Which will happen, and in my mind, I can't think of a better Heelying instructor than you." Giving his hands a gentle squeeze to tell him that I really meant what I had just told him, I smiled.

As he continued to laugh, but with a quiet almost shocked quality to it, as if he could hardly believe what I was asking him, he whispered, sounding pleased that I had. "Shoo gurl! I wouldn't want it to be any other way!" Slowly releasing me, he pointed to my Heelys. "Come on, lace up, and we'll get this party moving."

Doing as I had been told, I grabbed both shoes and slid one foot in at a time, then securely tied the laces up into a sturdy knot. I wasn't wanting my shoe laces to become undone while I was moving. That, for sure, would be an episode that ended with me in a cast or two. Then looking up at Toby when I was done with my laces, I caught just a brief glimpse of him gazing at me with an extremely fond sensation within his eyes.

Brief as it was, I still saw it before he switched back to his regular demeanor. "Ready?"

Smiling with as much confidence as I could muster together, I nodded and with enthusiasm exclaimed, "Yeah! I'm ready to hit...the...road..." I thought that sentence over in my mind for a second, and quickly decided to change my wording. "I'm ready to learn how to Heely!" Getting to my feet, I tip-toed over to stand by Toby, and couldn't help but to smile when he gently took hold of my right hand.

The feelings that I got when he held my hand was that of safety, warmth and that wonderful 'butterflies in your stomach' feel.

"Then let's get to teaching." He joked and began to walk towards the front door of my apartment, and I immediately followed after him.

"Aren't you going to get your Heelys?"

With a small laugh, Toby showed me the bottom of his left shoe. "I Heely anytime, anyplace." Winking, he took off for the door again. "Okay, well you know the motto 'practice makes perfect' well with Heelys , that motto is your best friend, coming only after me, of course." We had got outside and were standing several feet from my apartment, Toby let my hand go and knelt down on one knee, "I'm going to get your legs in the positions that they need to be in, go ahead and hold onto my shoulders if you feel like you'll fall."

Nodding silently, I placed both of my hands on his shoulders, and felt that they were rather muscular. It didn't feel like he was overly muscular, but had just enough muscles to make me want to gasp. I hadn't ever thought of Toby as being bony, svelte, muscular or anything, he had just been Toby Turner since I met him, but now, after I'd thought about it, he would still be Toby Turner.

I snuck a quick peek down at what he was doing and saw Toby's hand gently around my left ankle, that he was moving it slowly as if it were a critical procedure, or a life threatening incision made during brain surgery.

Was he trying to be as careful as possible so that there would be no chance of me losing my footing and falling?

Soon enough, he was back on his feet, and was holding onto both of my hands with a firm grip, "Now Brixta, don't worry about falling, because I won't let that happen, all that I need you to concentrate on is keeping your feet parallel to each other. Always with your left foot leading, and your right somewhat behind your body." He looked me squarely in the eyes, as if to emphasize what he was saying, "Find your balance!"

I was understanding what he was telling me, that wearing Heelys was like riding a bike, if you take a turn too sharply or turn the handle bars too much, you're going to tumble to one side, but if you maintain a perfect balance with speed and steering, you'll do just fine. "Find my balance...Got it."

All of his seriousness began to melt away, then with an impish grin, he whispered, "So are you ready? I'm going to hold onto your hands, kind of pulling you with me as I'm walking, this is just so that you can get a good idea of where your perfect balance is on your Heelys. Then, when you feel confident enough, I'll let go, and you can try on your own. Ready?"

Too nervous to talk, too numb to move, I sent Toby the silent message that I was as ready as I'd ever be for something like my Heelys. Even with Toby's promise to make sure that I wouldn't fall, I was still afraid. Though, when he began to walk backwards, slowly dragging me with him as he went, and I decided to trust him fully.

Just like earlier, my feet tried to get tangled up in each other, but I quickly learned how to correct them while in motion. And then finally, after nearly five minutes of Toby towing me behind him, I was able to Heely along without my feet wanting to go in two different directions. Smiling as wide as I could, with it still looking natural, I looked at Toby's face and saw the mirror's image of the expression on my face on his.

"You ready to try it on your own now?" He asked as he slowed to a stop, and I gently bumped into him, stumbling a little as I did. Though, just as he'd promised, he held onto me tightly, wrapping one of his arms around my waist, keeping me steady so that I wouldn't fall.

My face became slightly flushed as he brushed away a strand of hair from my cheek. "You okay?"

I smiled again, and with my breath somewhat stolen from me by Toby's actions, quietly whispered back to him, "I'm fine, thank you."

"Anytime. You ready to try on your own though?"

Slowly, I began to nod my head, "If I don't ever try to Heely on my own, I'll never be able to Heely next to you, I'll never get to Heely next to the one that I..." Thinking hard about the next words that I was about to say, I knew that it was the right time and place to say them, "Next to the one that I love."

His eyes grew wide, and I wondered if I had shocked him again with my words. Then slowly, the color in his face began to drain away.

Had I said the wrong thing? "Toby?" Reaching up, I placed my hand against the coolness of his cheek. "I'm sorry."

Shaking his head, he smiled, "No need to be. I just hadn't prepared myself for that. If you don't mind me asking, what makes you feel as though you love me already?"

Without having to even stop and think, I began to list off my reasons, "I feel happy around you, I trust you with all of my heart, I feel as though I've known you my whole life, you make promises that you keep, and with you, I don't have to hide who I really am from the world. You accept me, flaws and all, and I love you for that!" Looking in his eyes, I felt my heart sink down into the pit of my stomach. "You don't feel the same as me...do you?" Was all that I could whisper as a tear began to slide down the side of my face.

Gently wiping away the tear with the tip of his thumb, Toby, his voice just barely a whisper, said, "Of course I do! I just needed to hear that your feelings were true, and that I wouldn't be throwing my heart away when I told you that I love you too!"

We both smiled, and Toby placed his index finger under my chin and gently brought my lips to his. Both of us stood there for a minute, him holding me close, his arm around my waist again, while my arms were gently around his neck, our lips pressed tenderly against one anothers.

The perfect way to end the perfect day, and I was sure that tomorrow would be just as perfect. Considering the fact that the guy that I loved, had just told me that he loves me as well, and with his help I had found my balance on my Heelys. Toby really was my piece of perfect Heaven, and I was the angel of his heavenly skies.


	21. Dreams of Wings

Part 21 - Dreams of Wings

As night slowly fell upon us, and as the sun vanished from the sky, Toby and I both took a seat on the cool earth. Looking up at the full moon, quietly I whispered, _"Hey, you teach me in silence_

_That being by your gives me comfort_

_The tune of the moon pours_

_Into your tender back that has lost its wings._

_The silence of the moon..."_

I could feel Toby's eyes on me as I spoke, and without him even having to say a word, I knew what he was going to ask, "It's the English translations of a song called 'Tsuki no Shijima' which translated roughly comes out as being 'The Silence of the Moon'."

He laughed quietly, and I could see him smiling in the light of the moon, his eyes were now on the sky. "What language was it before it got translated?"

It was my turn to laugh, "Japanese."

After a moment of not talking, Toby finally found his voice again, "You can speak Japanese?"

"No..."

"But you just said..."

"I can sing in Japanese, yes...Half the time, though, I have no clue what I'm saying. I might be able to pick a word out here or there. Like I know that the word 'tsubasa' means 'wings', but that's the extent of it." I shifted my gaze from Toby's face, and stared at the side walk that we both sat on. The truth setting in my mind. "I never really told you anything about me, did I?"

Gently resting his hand on my back, I heard his voice in my ear, "I figured that you'd tell me in your own time. And was I right?"

With my eyes closed, I dove head first into my past. All of the laughter, the friends, the pain and sorrow that I'd felt. I decided to skip past my childhood, which mainly would've consisted of me losing my favorite grandmother when I was four, if I had to tell him of my life at that point. Passed right over elementary and middle school, the memories left during those years all involved me being sick at home, or being admitted into a hospital. Instead, I just began with the events in high school, after all, those memories and wounds were still fresh enough for me to remember.

"I've always been the shy type of person, and it's only been until very recently that that fact about me changed. So I never had that many friends in school, but the friends that I did have, I would have done anything for them!" I slowly re-opened my eyes, and lifted them up to the ever present moon, "However, I don't think that they ever would have done the same for me..."

Peeking over at Toby to make sure that he was still interested, I saw that his full attention was on me, waiting for the moment that I'd put more details to my story.

So knowing that's what he wanted, I didn't make him wait anymore.

"When I was in the ninth grade, I met a small handful of people, only a few of them I still talk to, the others just forgot about me. One person in particular, I really got close to. Her name was Seth, and we were best friends all through ninth and tenth grade, then sometime during eleventh grade, something happened, and I was never able to figure out what..." I folded my hands in my lap, I was getting to the part of the story that had hurt me worse than anything had ever hurt me before. "It was after the weekend that I had turned eighteen, and I'd just got to school, heading to my first class of the day. Which was Advanced English, when I ran into my friend in the hall, she and I had the same first class, so me running into her wasn't anything new. Seth normally smiled, but that morning, she wasn't...I asked her how her weekend had gone, she told me that it'd gone by okay...I asked if anything interesting had happened, she said not really...Then another friend of ours showed up, and Seth was perfectly fine...ignoring me almost. That was when I let it go, and just went to take my seat. Finally, when school was over, I went to go and talk to her before catching the bus home, I asked her why she hated me, because from my point of view, that was how things looked. She simply looked at me, and said that she didn't hate me, but that she was annoyed with me...That was the last time that I ever spoke to her...It's not that I didn't want to talk to her, because in my mind, she was still my best friend, and I wanted to make things right...but I also didn't want to make things worse..." My voice drifted off, and I couldn't tell if I was crying or not.

Beside me, Toby sighed, a slight tremble in the sound of his voice was there when he spoke, "You didn't do anything! At least, not from what you've told me...It sounds like she was the one with the problem, and just couldn't think of how to handle it, so she blamed it on the first person that she saw, which unfortunately, was you." He moved himself so that he was sitting closer to me, and I slowly rested my head on his shoulder.

"No...I had to have done something...I just wish that I knew what..." The more that I said by this point, the further I seemed to fall into sleeps hands. Had I even slept any last night, or had Toby and I talked the night away? Unable to remember, I decided to give in to the sleep that I now desired, yet wasn't willing enough to leave Toby's side.

Next to me, he kept talking about things that I could no longer make out, I could no longer comprehend what the words coming out of his mouth meant.

Though as I slept, all that I could dream of were birds in cages being set free. Flying off in the pale morning light.


	22. Good Morning, Audience

Part 22 - Good Morning, Audience

Waking up the next morning, I instantly noticed that it was another beautiful day, and I wondered if Toby was awake. I began to stretch out on the bed, then froze, my mind whirling in a sea of panic. I didn't have a bed! I had a pallet of wadded up bed sheets on the floor!

Why wasn't I on my pallet? No, the more important question to ask was: Where was I?

I remembered talking with Toby about Seth, and other horrible events from my past, but that was it...Hadn't I gotten up and went back to my apartment? Had Toby left me outside all night?

I nearly gasped when my next question filled my mind.

Had I been kidnapped? Sure I might not be a kid, but I looked like one, and with all of the detective shows that I used to watch, I had learned that age meant nothing to some people.

Seriously thinking that I'd been kidnapped, I then remembered the bed that I was lying on. What kind of person would kidnap someone, then give them a bed...to sleep...in...

My eyes grew wide, when Toby strolled happily into the room, he gave me a pleasant smile and asked, "Morning sleepy head! How'd you sleep?"

Skipping right over his question, I asked him a question of my own, "Where am I?"

With that same raspberry response that I was used to getting, Toby replied, answering as if what he was telling me was plainly obvious. "I brought you back to my apartment. It was getting late, your door was locked, and I didn't want to invade your personal space." He sheepishly whispered as he gestured towards me. He finally cleared his throat and kindly said what I already knew, "After all, I'm trying to be a gentleman."

Snapping out of my former fear, I sat up on what I guessed was Toby's bed, "You've been trying to be a gentleman? I thought that you already was one?"

He blushed some, and slowly took a seat beside me. As I looked over at him, a thought popped to my brain, and before I lost it, I quietly asked Toby a question that had even my cheeks burning with heat, "Last night, did...did you sleep in here with me?"

A second after my question left my mouth, Toby gave me his answer, "I did. But trust me, I really did respect your personal space. I was a good boy." The look on his face, told me that he was telling the truth, but even before seeing his face, I had believed him.

Reaching my hand out, I took hold of one of his, and without even thinking, I gently leaned forward and pressed my lips to his. The feeling of his lips was unlike that of most guys. They were soft, and gentle against mine. Our lips seemed to fit together perfectly, as if they had been made for one another.

Gradually, I parted my lips away from his, and smiled widely him. Toby smiled back, then began to did around in one of the front pockets of his jeans, when he found what he needed, he pulled his hand back out. I saw that he was holding an iPhone, and instantly knew what was happening. "Toby...please...don't..."

He was pointing the eye of the camera portion of the phone at me, and with more energy than I'd ever seen him have, asked, "Audience? What-What are you doing looking at Brixta so early in the morning? Do any of you realize how rude that is, Audience? Intro of darkness, then redness, then whiteness!" Just as he'd done in the first video that I'd ever seen of his, Toby covered the lens and slowly pulled his finger away. "Well I guess that by now some of you have come to the conclusion that Brixta knows that I'm TOBUSCUS, and well you're right. Her being the smart nugget that she is..."

Interrupting Toby, I corrected him by saying, "Oh, it's got nothing to do with intelligence. Your fans just ratted you out." I giggled as Toby laughed from the other room. His laughter brought a smile to my face, and I was sure that his laughter was one of very few people that had the potential to cure cancer.

Walking back into his room, Toby pointed the camera at me again, then happily said, "And Audience, she and I know that we've only met a week or so ago, but we've spent nearly every waking moment of that time with each other, and we're, well kind of together." With an intense face, he gave the Audience a good stare down, and challenged with a goofy smirk, "Be jealous."

I could feel my face burning at around the temperature of the sun, and after a moment, stammered out, "Please don't..." Getting off of the bed, I followed after Toby, who by now, was back in his living room. When he saw that I was finally up, I heard him quietly whisper, "She's so pretty."

As he said that, I saw a slight sparkle in his eyes, and I silently giggled. He honestly thought of me in that kind of a light? He really was a true gentleman.

With a smile, I went and stood by his side, wrapping both of my arms around his chest. "Hey Audience, just ignore Toby, I'm the lucky one! I mean look at him! Look at me..." I made a look of disgust on my face, and then went on, "Toby's the most kind person that I've ever met! And that's why I love him! Now let me ask you guys the same question that I asked myself. Why is it that you love Toby? What is it about him that keeps you interested?" As an after thought, I whispered, jokingly, "And if you say that it's his body, just know, I can find you!"

His hand on my shoulder, Toby began to wrap up that days vlog. "That being said, I urge none of you to put that as your answer, because the outcome, not looking good...Now bless your face! If you sneezed during this video, then bless you! Peace off! Badadododododo subscribe! Outro of darkness, then redness, then whiteness! Then BOOOOP!" He ended the video, then looked over at me with a grin, "You silly nugget! You fit right into the Buscus world, and the fans are just going to love you!"

"I hope so! I wouldn't want any of your female viewers hating me..."

He thought for a second, then took hold of my hand, "I don't care, because I do love you!"


	23. Welcome to my Nightmare

Part 23 - Welcome to my Nightmare

Toby uploaded his video to YouTube, and was at my side again as soon as it was posted. He was wearing his smile, just like he usually did. His outfit of choice for the day was a green TOBUSCUS shirt, and dark grey jeans, along with, of course, his Heelys.

His wardrobe was so simple, and I wondered how he could get away with wearing the same shirt day after day, but only with a variation of colors making the only noticeable difference between them.

I then looked down at what I was wearing...the same clothes from the day before. Looking over at Toby I whispered, slightly embarrassed, "I'm gonna run to my apartment really fast and get changed. I'll be right back."

He immediately held up his hand and objected. "You can just wear one of my many TOBUSCUS shirts." Before I could say anything, he was already at his closet, sifting through a line of shirts, that together made up the rainbow.

Opening my mouth, a shirt was gently handed to me.

It was the turquoise TOBUSCUS shirt that Toby was wearing the day that I'd moved to Los Angeles. The day that the two of us had met.

The day that had started it all.

Slowly, I hugged the shirt, smiling as I said, "Thank you, but I promise that I'll be back in less than ten minutes. Then we'll have another fun-filled day of Brixta and Toby!"

Laughing, he walked me to the front door, his untidy hair sweeping over his face a little when the door had been opened, and I found that it was sunny, but that it was also rather windy.

I held Toby's shirt tightly and left his apartment, "Be right back. And if I'm not, then don't be surprised if I got myself locked in the closet or something."

"Well if you do, I'll be your knight in shining armor, and save you in your time of distress!"

"My hero!" I called back to him as I opened the door to my apartment, rushing off to get changed. I quickly chose a pair of light blue jeans to wear with my borrowed shirt. Tossing my jeans from the day before to the side and decided to deal with them later, when Toby wasn't waiting for me to get back to his place. Finally I removed the shirt I was wearing and donned the TOBUSCUS shirt that I'd set on my pallet.

Over all, it was rather large on me, and if I had wanted, I could have worn it as a dress. Though, I figured that would have been overly distracting for Toby to have handled. Plus, I happen to like pants.

I was at that point, fully dressed, and ready to spend more time with my favorite Buscus!

Out the door, and locking it up nice and tight, I turned and saw Toby leaning up against the brick exterior of his apartment, smiled as soon as he saw me. "I guess I'm quite a bit taller than you. What's your height, anyway?"

Looking down at the concrete, I frowned. My height had always been a touchy subject with me, but unwillingly, I answered the question that I hated the most, "Five foot three."

"You say it like it's a bad thing?"

With a sigh, I spoke to the ground, "It is a bad thing! When I get older and start shrinking, I'll get to be a legal midget...and I don't want that..."

Snickering softly, Toby turned away from me, his shoulders shaking wit silent laughter.

I couldn't help but to ball both of my hands up into tiny fists, and even added a small stomp of my foot. "Hey! It's not funny, Toby!" I guess that I not only look like a kid, but still act like one too.

His laughing stopped, and he was facing me again, "Brixta, how old are you?"

"I'm twenty-one..."

"And you're already afraid of getting old?"

I thought for a moment, shook my head and said, "No, just the shrinking part. It might be a strange fear, but I never said that my fears were exactly rational."

"No, I guess you never did. Now, what'd you like to do today?"

Acting as though I had no clue, and as if I were thinking about our options, I shrugged my shoulders, though in reality, I knew exactly what it was that I wanted to do. I wanted to watch a few of Toby's videos on YouTube, preferably, if they existed, his Amnesia playthroughs. If they happened to be anything like what I saw when he played Penumbra the other day, then they were gaming gold!

When I thought for enough time, I told him what I wanted to do. "Toby, did you record playthroughs, like I am, when you played Amnesia?"

"Are you wanting to play it some?" He smiled down at me, as we finally re-entered his apartment. "I'll protect you if you are."

"I'll hold you to that, but no, I really was just wondering if you'd uploaded videos to YouTube of you playing Amnesia. I'd like to watch them, after all, I'm a part of the Audience, along with being your girlfriend."

Toby pointed to his couch, and I took it as a sign that I should take a seat. Without a word, he grabbed his laptop, and hooked his hand on a small, portable table. Setting the table in front of me, along with the laptop, typed his password in with amazing speed, then looked over at me. "Are you wanting to watch all of them, from part one on? Or just the ones where I nearly mess up my pants with a multitude of bodily fluids?"

I giggled, doubtful of the last bit that he told me, "You didn't lose any body fluids while playing Amnesia, did you? I mean it is a scary game, but it only really messes with your psychological well being."

"Then my psychological part nearly peed all over itself." He was frowning, and I instantly began to feel terrible.

"I'm sorry, Toby." I inched closer to where he was sitting on the couch, and gently enveloped him in a warm embrace, nuzzling my nose against his chest as I did so. "If it makes you feel any better, I've nearly lost bodily fluids while playing the game, as well."

Slowly, he wrapped his arms around my shoulders, resting his cheek against the top of my head, and whispering just loud enough for me to hear, said, "I may have acted like I wasn't as scared as I really was, but trust me, there were parts in the game where I was terrified!"

"We don't have to watch your Amnesia playthroughs if you don't want to."

He pressed his lips against my hair, and I felt that he was smiling, then after a second he unfurled his arms from around my shoulders, sat up and went to YouTube's site. "Nah, we can still watch a few of them. Just no teasing me later, okay?"

"I promise that I wasn't going to tease you to begin with." I looked over at the computer screen to see him typing in _"TobyGames Amnesia"_ in the search bar. When the results popped up, Toby scrolled down the first page, skipping the first couple of videos, then randomly clicked on a video called _"Amnesia: The Dark Descent - Part 22 - WINDOW BREAKING!"_

Watching the video, I noticed that Toby got startled by the smallest of things. Such as a mouse squeaking from in the corner of a room, to random splotches of red that resembled fresh blood.

Then when there was less than five minutes left in the video, I noticed that Toby was walking on the edge of an outside window sill. The window's glass had been shattered, and as he took a step onto the ledge, an eerie noise was heard, and frightened, he said _"Toby's coming! Uncle Toby's screwed! Uncle Toby's dead..."_

Sure enough, as soon as he said this, he jumped off of the ledge, and had fallen to his death. _"Oooh...why did I jump off the cliff and panic?"_ Just as expected the floating white words that appear on the screen whenever you die, showed up, and Toby laughed, _"Oh, 'Tread carefully...' I wish that tip said, 'Don't jump off the ledge...for no reason!'"_

I looked over at the Toby sitting next to me on the couch. Giving him a reassuring smile, and reminded him, "I'm not going to tease you. Just as long as you don't tease me about my height."

"Why would I do that? Especially when I love you just the way you are!" He pulled me close, and kissed my cheek.

Giggling, I replied, "And I love you just the way that you are. I even love the fact that you're easily scared," he gave me a look, and I quickly began to explain. "That way, now you'll never be alone when dealing with a nightmare. You'll have me!"

Laughing softly, he gave me a tight squeeze, his brown eyes shining with glee, "You'll save me whenever something goes bad in my life?"

From the top of my head, I repeated one of my favorite quotes, and I felt as though it perfectly fit with what I was going to tell Toby. "_'No matter how gifted, you alone cannot change the world. But that's the wonderful thing about this world.'_ Do you know what that means?"

Thinking for a second, he shook his head no, and I began to explain it to him, "By yourself, you might be able to do wonderful things. But think of the things you could do with the help of others. Toby, with me, never again will you be alone."


	24. Enter Griffsor and Tabby

Part 24 - Enter Griffsor and Tabby

Soon after we'd watched his Amnesia playthrough video, and I'd told him that he'd never be alone again, Toby stood up, and abruptly decided to say, "I'd like to get a dog! What do you think? Should I get a dog?"

Dazed and confused, I dumbly nodded my head up and down, telling him that he'd be a great dog owner. However, personally, I'd never been that big of a dog person, and had always been more drawn to cats. The cats, in turn, had always been drawn to me as well.

Though, if it was to be Toby's dog, I was sure that I'd like it just fine. "Do you know what kind of breed you want?"

"Shih Tzu, just like the type of dog that I had when I was younger." He whispered with a slight frown, and I knew instantly that something had happened to his dog.

"What was its name?"

"His name was Falcor." Exhaling, he checked his pockets for his car keys, then with the keys in hand, said, "He was a good dog. So you ready? If we're going to hit the Humane Society, we'd better get there while the good pets are still available." Toby smiled at me, and I knew that he was serious about getting a new dog, and I couldn't remember if our apartments were one that welcomed pets.

But not even bothering to voice my concern on the matter to Toby, figuring that he knew if whether or not pets were allowed, I happily followed him out to his car, got in on the passengers side, buckled up and we were off. Playing on the radio was a song that I wasn't entirely familiar with, but by the time that the second verse came around, I was pretty sure that from that point, it'd be simple to sing along with, but for once, I didn't feel like singing.

I was just wanting to see all of the cats and kittens that were in need of a good home. "So how far away is the Humane Society?" I asked after we'd been driving for ten minutes.

With the wind rushing through the driver side window that Toby had rolled down, and as the breeze rustled his hair, he smiled, and said, "It's actually not too far from the apartments. We're maybe five, ten minutes away." Cautiously, he glanced over at me, "Why, you interested in looking for a pet as well?"

Nodding my head, I whispered, "I might adopt a cat."

Teasing me a little, he asked, "Why a cat? I'm allergic to them...Why not get a dog? That way, my dog and yours could be puppy mates?"

I laughed quietly, "Just because you're allergic to something, doesn't mean that you can't get along with it...granted that it's living. Besides, I'm allergic to dogs and cats. Yet I'm not complaining. And Toby, who said that a cat and a dog couldn't be friends?"

He thought about it for a moment, then gave me the age old response of, "Cats and dogs just can't get along. That much is just common knowledge."

"Wanna bet on it?" I challenged him, both joking and serious. I was joking because no matter what the outcome was, I wouldn't make the prize anything too over-the-top, I'd keep it as something simple. And I was serious, because I'd seen it happen. A cat and a dog could get along. So I was confident in the end product.

Toby put his game face on, "What are you willing to bet?"

I thought back a few days, as Toby was driving us to get his wheels and my Heelys. The conversation we'd had, what had it been about? Then finally, after a short time, it came back to me.

It was when we'd been in his car, and on the radio was a song that I knew playing. I sang along with it for a little bit, then I'd heard Toby clapping, and he'd said, _"We need to go sing Karaoke sometime!"_

Then I'd told him, _"I...I don't think that'd be a good idea. I get stage fright really bad..."_

What better thing to bet than something that scared the living crap out of me. "I'll go and sing Karaoke with you!"

Remaining silent for a while, I figured that he'd thought back to the same conversation that I'd gone to, and smiling he whispered, "Deal." We were, by then, pulling into the parking lot of the Humane Society.

With my hand on the car door, I was ready to leap out of Toby's moving vehicle, the way that people advise others not to do when exiting their car, but in an act of restraint, I stayed in my seat and waited until the engine had stopped. Getting out of the car, and taking a step towards the animal shelter, Toby asked, "Now you're going to be looking at cats?"

"Yeah, I'll be looking at cats while you're looking at dogs." I smiled, and we both neared the building, which was much like that of what other Humane Societies looked like.

On the outside, the foundation of the building was made of bricks and mortar. The inside was nothing but white walls, floors and hundreds of metal cages.

Walking to the front counter, I asked the lady at the desk, "Where do you keep your cats?"

She looked up at me, and I noticed that her name tag read "Lisa". Giving me a smile, she pointed to my left, "Continue going that way, you can't miss them."

Thanking her, I gave Toby a small wave, and in a fast walk, made my way down the hall. The cages that I passed held medium to large sized dogs, and I said hello to a few of them, especially if their tails were wagging.

A minute later, I had finally reached the section marked as "Cats and Kittens" and I quickly set to work picking out my new possible roommate.

Immediately, I was able to pick out a few contenders. One of them was a small black and white male American Short-hair. His eyes were bluish-grey, meaning that they were already turning that typical jade green color of eyes that cats usually have when they're older.

Another was a young, fluffy orange Tabby. Her eyes were sky blue, and I noticed that her tail was bobbed, and not knowing if she'd been born as a bobtail or not, I gently stuck my index finger through one of the openings of the cage.

With a quiet meow, the kitten stood up, and after stretching a little, went up to my finger, smelled it, then began to rub the side of her little face against it. "Hello little kitty kitty kitty! Aren't you sweet?"

Then, almost as if it were answering, another kitten a few cages down, meowed just loud enough to grab my attention. And pulling my finger back out of the cage, going to look for the one who had spoken up.

It was another Tabby, her eyes were jade green, yet the information card attached to her cage read that she was just three months old. Her fur was made up of fall colors. Black, white, tan, brown and a little touch of orange. The name given to her was Precious, but I couldn't see it.

Yes, she was a precious little kitten, but the name just didn't suit her, she didn't look like a Precious.

"Hi my pretty little kitty!" I whispered from behind the bars separating me from the tiny cat.

She was small, except for her ears, they were out of proportion to the rest of her body, and I giggled when she turned her head to one side, staring at me with those green eyes of hers.

Imitating her, I tilted my head to the side so that I was the mirror image of her, but as though she wanted to be difficult, she tilted her head to the opposite side. Meowing quietly at me.

The cage that she was in was slightly different than the other cages in the room. Instead of running both horizontal and vertical, the bars just ran up and down, with about an inch gap between the bars.

So reaching my hand in as far as it'd go, I quietly whispered to the kitten that I was quickly growing attached to. "It's okay, I promise! My name's Brixta, and I'm maybe going to take you home with me. I'd give you a warm bed that you could cuddle in, food to fill your belly every day, and lots and lots of hugs!"

Walking up to my hand, she didn't even bother with smelling it, she just started giving me what I'd always called "love noms" which was their way of saying "You're mine, and I'm yours! And nothing will change that!"

Smiling down at the small kitten who had seemed to have chosen me nearly as quickly as I'd chosen her, I felt the corners of my eyes dampening up.

She was the one.

This was the kitten that was destined to be my friend for when Toby couldn't be around.

I began to gently rub her neck with my finger, and she started to purr. "You ready to have a home?"

Right then, I felt a hand stroke my shoulder, and I knew instantly, that it was Toby, "Hey, you find the cat that you want yet?"

With a wide smile, I nodded out yes, and with my voice etched out of enthusiasm, happily told him about my pick. "This one, she's the perfect choice for me! I mean look at her! She's such a pretty little kitty kitty...and she'll be my pretty kitty kitty!"

Looking closely at my pick, Toby laughed slightly, "She's got a very differently marked fur than the rest of the other cats do."

"That's because she's a tortoiseshell Tabby. Tortoiseshell just describes the fur pattern, breed wise, she's just your average Tabby." I proudly explained as I continued to pet my cat-to-be.

As he kissed my cheek, he said, "Well I found my pet too, he's a Shih Tzu like I wanted, and I've given him the name of Griffsor. Have you settled on a name for this little one?"

Taking in the kitten, I smiled, "Yeah, from here on out, you're no longer Precious, you're getting a name change. Aren't you? My baby Tabby!"


	25. Facing My Fears

Part 25 - Facing My Fears

With our pets finally home, Toby and I stood back as both Tabby and Griffsor took turns exploring their new surroundings. Witnessing as they realized that they were out of their prisons, and that they were never to go back there again.

That they were free.

Yet, just as Toby had predicted, as soon as we'd brought them together into the same room, that all kinds of chaos broke out, and scooping Tabby up in my arms, I looked over at Toby. Then glancing down at the white and light brown Shih Tzu looking back up at me, and with a look of reproach, asked, "Toby, you didn't happen to have gotten the one dog in the shelter that hated cats the most, just to win the bet, did you?"

Tousling the hair on Griffsor's head, he replied with a raspberry and a laugh, "I can't help it that he's a murder tank! Can I, you stupid little Shiiiii-h Tzu?" Grinning at me, he laughed just as boisterously as I've ever seen him laugh. And I could only imagine what sort of look on my face it was that he was seeing. "Brixta, what do you think I was going to say?" He examined the expression that I was wearing and gasped, "You thought that I was going to swear, didn't you?"

"Well how many other words are there that begin with 'shi' as the first three letters that you hear in the word?" I thought about what I had just asked, and consulted my mental dictionary, the answer to the question being well over a hundred words, I slowly waved my hands and restated my question, "What other ways could you possibly end the sentence 'Can I, you stupid little shiiii-?' And I don't think that you'd call him a stupid little ship..."

"Well I couldn't even dare think of calling him a ship, after all, as I've said, he's a murder tank! Calling him a ship would just be an insult to him."

Rolling my eyes, I gently kissed the top of Tabby's small head, her ears twitching as a strand of my hair brushed pass them briefly. "Well, you won the bet...So where are we going to sing our karaoke? And please don't say that I'll be on my own! You've got to sing too!"

Prepared with his answer, Toby told me the name of the place where I'd surely become reacquainted with my lunch. "Jewel's Catch One, it's one of the top rated Karaoke bars in L.A.!"

Nervously, I laughed, "Oh yay...Sounds like all kinds of fun! I'd really feel better though, if you told me if you're going to sing, or not..."

"Oh, I'm going to sing. Just after you do."

I could already feel my stomach twisting up into knots, and we hadn't even got there. Singing around people I knew, or knew well enough had always been one thing for me, and I know that others say that it's easier to face your fears before a group of people that you don't know. However, with me, I got even struck down with stage fright when it came to random strangers, it had always been that way with me. Even when I was a child.

Trying to then divert my thoughts from my musical final moments in life, I turned my path of thinking to Toby, and I wondered about how well he could sing himself. After all, I had never heard him sing before, so if anything good were to come from our evening at the karaoke bar, it would be me hearing Toby sing for the very first time.

I also then asked myself what type of song he'd likely choose...What song would I choose?

My stomach twisted, and nearly lurched, forcing me to run from Toby's apartment and dart to mine, taking Tabby along with me as I ran. As soon as I was beyond the door of my place, I shut and locked it up tight behind me. Setting my now fussy cat on the floor, I took refuge in my bathroom.

I wasn't at the point where I'd get physically ill, but if it was going to get there, I didn't want Toby to witness it, which was why I'd locked the door behind me as I'd come in.

Leaning forward, I rested my forehead against the cool, smooth lip of the sink, both of my hands held onto the corners of the counter that it'd been set in.

I took a deep breath, and could hear Toby, on the other side of the front door, knocking frantically, calling out my name. Obviously, I'd worried him by just running off like I had. Letting another minute pass, I finally stood up straight again, and unlocked the door that Toby sounded like he was about to break down.

With the door open, he looked me over to make sure that I was okay, then trying to keep his voice even, pleaded, "Brixta, what the hell was that about?"

Shaking my head, I softly muttered, "I felt sick."

"Sick?" He calmed down, and closed the door, his light brown eyes examining me closely, searching for any sign of what could have made me feel ill. "Do yo feel like you've got a fever? Do I need to get you to the doctors? What do I do?" His eyes were getting wider with every passing second.

Smiling as much as I could manage, "You don't need to do a thing, I'm fine now." Though I had said it like it were true, I still felt as if I could lose consciousness at any moment, and all because of my stubborn nerves.

Toby didn't look convinced that I was fine, his eyebrows had become knitted together, and he was keeping a closer watch over me than what was usually necessary. "We'll just go do karaoke another time, I don't want to make you go out for something if you're not feeling up for it."

Again, I shook my head, "I feel sick, because of the karaoke..."

He smiled a little after I had said that my feeling sick was due to nerves. "So you're scared?"

"Again, I never said that my fears were entirely rational."

Laughing, Toby carefully sat down on the floor of my living room, making sure to avoid anything breakable, or alive that he might accidentally sit on. "Brixta, listen to me, you'll do fine, the people who go to this place are all either too drunk to notice if you mess up, or they'll sing and mess up right along-side you. No one who sings there is a pro. So, just relax, and while we're there, try to enjoy yourself."

I stood silent for a second, my mind going over every possible thing that could go wrong, but for once, I chose to ignore what it was that my better judgement was telling me.

Singing was one of the greatest joys that I knew, the only high in life that I had ever known, and I wanted so desperately, to share it with others.

So, with an actual smile, I said, "We'll be back later, Tabby, I've got a fear to face!"

Tabby meowed softly from somewhere in the room, and Toby, with me leading, left my apartment. Making sure that the door had been locked. We then stopped by his place, only to be greeted by an overly enthusiastic Griffsor, and I couldn't help but think that he and Toby were a pet and owner relationship made in heaven in the making.

After grabbing his car keys, we were both back in his car, and that that the sun was once again fading from the sky. "So where's this place?"

Not taking his eyes off of the road, Toby answered, smiling, "Where we live, we're not too far from anything, the longest drive to get someplace would nave to be half an hour." He quickly looked over his shoulder and changed the lane that he was driving in. "Do you know what you're going to sing?"

Shrugging, I reminded him, "I have no clue what music they have."

"That's simple enough for me to tell you. Let's see: Hip-Hop, R&B, Old School and the current Top Forty."

Snickering, I wondered out loud, "I take it that you've frequently visited this place?"

Toby easily ignored the fact that I was poking fun at him, and with a sense of accomplishment stated, "I might have dropped by once or twice in the past with a few friends. Though I didn't always sing, I might have grabbed something to drink at the bar."

We continued to talk as we had until we arrived at Jewel's Catch One, and that was when my nerves could no longer be contained, and had reappeared in full swing.

Thankfully, the crowd that night, wasn't overly big, and that was a comfort to me. Maybe, that way, no one but Toby would take notice of me.

Offering me his arm, Toby escorted me to the double doors and there on a desk, that looked as if it belonged in a high school, was a sign in sheet asking for: a name, and a name of a song.

Provided next to the sheet was a list of songs that they were currently using for their karaoke nights. And flipping through the papers, I caught glimpse of a title that I knew fairly well.

Seeing that song there, was sign enough for me to relax like Toby had wanted me to for the night. So taking the pen that had been lain next to the sign in, I wrote down in my usual, sloppy handwriting, my name and the song that I desired.

On the list, I was the first up to sing. Meaning that Toby would be lucky number two.

Time went by quickly after we'd taken our seats at one of the booths, and when it was my turn to take the stage, I jumped a little hearing the person who'd be introducing the singers for the night, call my name from the list. "All right, everyone, how about a warm welcoming hand for the first performer for this evening? Let's welcome to the stage Brixta Otomiya, who'll be singing 'Lost in Paradise'."

Everyone in the room began clapping for me as I stoop up, preparing myself for what was to come. Toby reminding me to stay calm, and to just have fun, before I nodded and left for the stage.

As soon as I'd reached the mic, the music began, and I tried to keep in time with the opening piano, making sure that I sung the right line at the right moment.

Willing myself to stay calm, and to get through the song in one piece.

That it'd be worth it in the end!

_"And as much as I'd like the past not to exist_

_It still does_

_And as much as I'd like to feel like I belong here_

_I'm just as scared as you._

_I have nothing left_

_And all I feel is this cruel wanting_

_We've been falling for all this time_

_And now I'm lost in paradise."_

And just like that, it was all over. As people clapped, some even whistle, I blushed, thanked everyone and left the stage.

When I reached our booth, Toby was already on his feet, waiting for both me, and for his name to be called next from the list.

"Wasn't that Brixta something else? Next up on the list, is a face that we've seen here before, so let's welcome him back to the stage! Come on up, Toby Turner! The spotlight waits for no one!"

Quickly kissing me on the lips, Toby headed for the place that I'd been standing less than a minute ago, and when the first guitar chords for the song were struck, I knew the song instantly.

It, personally, wasn't a song that I'd ever pictured Toby singing. Yet, here he was, about to prove me wrong.

_"On the ground I lay_

_Motionless in pain_

_I can see my life flashing before my eyes_

_Did I fall asleep?_

_Is this all a dream_

_Wake me up, I'm living a nightmare._

_I will not die (I will not die)_

_I will survive._

_I will not die, I'll wait here for you_

_I feel alive, when you're beside me_

_I will not die, I'll wait here for you_

_In my time of dying."_

When I heard his voice as he was singing, my jaw nearly hit the floor.

His voice was absolutely beautiful, and when it had reached my ears, I had to smile. What other hidden talents was he hiding from me?

Clapping loudly as he approached me, I called out, "Why didn't you tell me that you're the world's greatest singer?"

"I'm not the greatest." He laughed as we slid back into our booth. "I'm the second greatest."

Turning the tables on him, I borrowed his disbelieving raspberry noise, and corrected him, "No, you're the best singer that I've ever heard!"

"You faced your fears, and that counts towards more than skills do."

I thought it over, I had faced my fears, and I had enjoyed doing so. With a smile, I took hold of Toby's hands, "And it's all thanks to you none-the-less."

Returning my smile, he whispered, "Anytime."


	26. We're Gonna Need a Bigger Boone!

Part 26 - We're Gonna Need a Bigger Boone!

Back at my apartment, we had left Jewel's Catch One, both of us in high spirits! Though, as soon as I'd booted up my laptop, went to YouTube to see if anything new had been posted, that I saw that a few people that I was subscribed to had all either commented on, liked or favorited the same video.

A video uploaded by Frictional Games. The people behind Amnesia.

A video called "Amnesia: A Machine for Pigs - Teaser".

Seeing the title nearly made my breath catch and get stuck inside my throat. A Machine for Pigs? Why did that game title not convince me that the fact that there was now a sequel to The Dark Descent in the making, not the wisest idea thought of by man kind...

True, as it was, that I was a huge fan of Amnesia, I couldn't shake the questions that my mind was now asking me...was the world truly ready for this game?

Looking over my shoulder, I saw Toby scratching Tabby behind the ears, she was sitting down, her tail swishing from left to right. "Hey, come over here for a second...there's something that we need to see, and quite honestly, it thrills me, and terrifies me at the same time..."

Standing up, Toby walked to where I was sitting, stood by my side and asked curiously, "What'd you find?"

"This..." I whispered as I pointed to the video thumbnail, and Toby bent forward to see clearly what it was. After he'd been looking for no less than five seconds, I felt his body tense up beside me. "Should we watch it?" I asked, my mouse hovering over the link.

With his eyes closed, he took a deep breath, then letting out all of the air that had been in his lungs, took one normal breath and said, "Might as well, the Audience will want me to play it...so maybe watching this will make the game not as scary as the first...right?"

Nodding my head in agreement, though not sure if it'd actually work that way, I replied, "Yeah, I'm positive that by watching the teaser trailer it'll help desensitize your fears of the game..." I clicked on the link and the video began to play.

The first things that I saw and heard, was the Frictional Games logo, and creepy piano music. Something new that I saw was that apparently, A Machine for Pigs was a combined effort between both Frictional Games and thechineseroom, which I believed was also a gaming company known for producing horror games. The music continued, then the first glimpses at the game designs were shown. A place that looked like a wide, and beautifully decorated living room, a furnace or a machine room, an outside alleyway filled with smog, a dimly lit study, a room that might have been a lab with a skylight, another machine room with a spinning fan in the floor, an empty street, with the full moon shining, an alter with a pig's corpse sitting upright in front of a cross...and then a glimpse of some of the gameplay...

The main character was hiding under a set of wooden stairs, and something was breaking the door to the room down. Whatever it was, it didn't sound like the Brute or Servant Grunt from The Dark Descent...this thing was different...then I began to listen more carefully, and I was able to place the sound, with a face.

The enemy of this game, or at least one of the enemies, was a pig...an angry piece of bacon come to hunt the player down...

Then finally, the screen faded to black, and the title of the game was shown, Amnesia: A Machine for Pigs...

Still next to me, Toby made a noise and I wondered if he was going to be okay. "Or not...I swear to never eat bacon ever again..." He whispered, and stood back up, "Has there been a date given for when it'll be released?"

Taking a peek at the description of the video, I learned more about the game, along with an estimated release for it. "They're saying that it'll be out in early 2013, but get this, it's actually an indirect sequel to Amnesia: The Dark Descent, A Machine for Pigs will be set in the same alternate history, and that it'll take place within the same universe." I closed out of YouTube, and shut my laptop without turning it off, "And here I thought that Amnesia: Justine was the sequel to The Dark Descent..."

Laughing, Toby spoke the truth of what the coming of this game would mean for well over one thousand minds world wide, "Either way you look at it, we're screwed! All of us on YouTube with gameplays, who have either already played the original Amnesia, or plan to play it, are going to be expected to play this one." He looked over at Tabby, who had curled herself up into a tight little ball of fur, it was then that he became silent for a few minutes, and when he spoke, to me, he almost sounded defeated, "It's not that bad of a game to play if there's someone else in the room with you, but when a person watches a video of a game that's a survival horror, they expect to hear a scream or two..." He sighed, and I gently placed my hand on his shoulder.

"I know...before I even had the dream of becoming a YouTube Partner, even a little while before I actually went out and bought Amnesia, I had watched a few gameplay series of others playing the game..." I smiled guiltily as Toby turned to look at me, the expression on his face showing that he had one thought on his mind, and I knew what that thought was. "I really didn't know who you were until the day that I moved here."

Incredulously, he shook his head, "You watched gameplays made by other people before you played the game for yourself?"

Nervous because of his question, I wasn't sure if what I had done was considered a taboo within the YouTube world. So with my voice barely above a whisper, I muttered, "Yeanobe?" I had just combined all of the possible responses into one, foreign word, leaving no chances for me to be wrong.

Tilting his head to one side, he had obviously become confused by my decision to made a new word to use with answering his question. "Yeanobe?"

"It's the words 'yeah', 'no' and 'maybe' all mushed into one impervious word, it's impossible to answer a question wrong with the powers of yeanobe..." I smiled and Toby began to laugh, his sudden laughter startled Tabby, causing her to fall out of her ball shape, and hold her head up to search for danger.

"Your word sounds like a name that'd be used for a character in Star Wars!" He walked up to me, and wrapped his arms around my shoulders, squeezing me just a little bit, "But enough distracting me..."

I opened my mouth, and he let one arm go of me and he pressed a finger to my lips.

"And enough confusing me. Did you really watch gameplays of Amnesia before you played the game?" With an enticing smile on his lips, I answered shamelessly.

"PewDiePie, CinnimonToastKen and GoldGloveTV, and I've watched a few gameplays of some custom stories, some of which, I don't even intend to play."

Toby frowned, "You mention that PewDiePie guy an awful lot..."

Laughing, I told him like it was, "He makes great gameplay videos, plus, he's funny!"

When Toby still didn't smile again, I gently poked his side, quietly whispering, "Poke, poke, pokity poke."

Cracking a small grin, he began to give me another tight embrace, "Just tell me this: Is he better than me?"

My thought process had been temporarily destroyed because of Toby's off-the-wall question. Had he asked that as a joke? Or...But we'd done nothing of the sort...and it was entirely impossible for me and PewDie to...well...

I felt my face grow red, and I pressed it slowly against Toby's chest, then muffled, I asked, "Are you making a joke? Or are you being serious? Or am I just interpreting your question all wrong? If it's the final choice, then please, I beg of you, kill me where I stand..."

Trying to tilt my head back with one of his hands, Toby gave up after about five seconds of gently trying to get me to look at him, "Brixta? Why won't you look at me?"

"Because yeanobe wouldn't work...and I'm ninety-five percent sure that I've screwed myself over royally due to my never ending stupidity...and now I'm a babbling baboon with nothing better to say, except for: blarg."

His laughter to what I had just said, started off slow, then soon enough, I was feeling the vibrations of his laugh all through my face. "Could you please try explaining how that works?"

Taking a deep breath through my nose, I could smell Toby, and my mind cleared a little when I'd breathed in his nice scent, yet, not completely recovered, I mumbled, "Not exactly..."

He laughed some more, my brain beginning to function again, bit by bit. And to think, all of this had started because of a teaser trailer for Amnesia: A Machine for Pigs...good thing it hadn't been a serious conversation.

Though, finally after what felt like an eternity, I had recovered from my shock, and stood facing Toby, "Sorry, I was just more than taken aback by your question, especially since there are three possible answers...I just don't know which would be more suited to give to you."

He took a minute to think, and then slowly, began to blush himself. "I hadn't even thought of the double meaning..."

It was then that we both just dropped the topic of who was better, Toby or PewDie, but if he really had've pushed the subject, I would most definitely answered with Toby, he not only made me laugh, but he was also mine, which was an added bonus.


	27. Draw Me In

Part 27 - Draw Me In

As I stood there, watching Toby's face return to its normal color, I couldn't help but to smile at him, the thoughts running around in my head all seemed to circulate around my feelings for him. About how much my love for the sometimes awkward YouTube Partner managed to grow at so much as a touch of his hand on mine.

Was it normal to grow so fond of someone in such a short amount of time? Was I in love?

I couldn't answer that question by myself...after all, as far as I could remember, not once had I ever fallen in love with anybody.

Toby finally looked over at me, his mouth turning up in a smile, "Whatcha thinking about?"

Pulling out of my thoughts, I replied wit the first words that I could think of, "Toby, what's it feel like to be in love?"

He chuckled, and thought, "Well, I guess that you just feel an overwhelming fondness for someone, you'd do just about anything to be with them, you'd risk your life for them, and I know that sounds a little extreme, but people do peculiar things when it comes to love. Sometimes it might feel like you've got butterflies in your stomach, or your heart could race when you think of the person. The feelings of being in love is never the same for everyone."

"Oh..." I looked down at my feet, "It's never the same...Have you ever been in love?"

"Once."

Lifting my head, I looked back at him, my mind repeating his answer, over and over, and suddenly, I found myself terrified. Did I even want to know who he had been in love with? Would I be okay if he didn't say that it was me that he'd only ever loved in his life?

Did I really want to hear his answer?

I had to know, after all, nothing ventured, nothing gained.

With a half confident smile, I dared to venture out, and asked Toby the question, whose answer would have to either be me, or not. "Who were you in love with?"

He laughed, and I saw his eyes sparkle, they were so full of life, and I realized that the chances of me being the one person that he'd ever loved, were practically non-existent, I was just a small part in his whole life...the bigger part...the part before I came into the picture...was a Toby that I'd never got the chance to see, a Toby that I never get the chance to know...His life didn't begin with me, it just changed a little...

Before he had even answered, my heart began to sink...was this also a part of being in love? Wasn't love supposed to be blissful? What I was feeling was just down right painful...And I couldn't help but to silently curse all that love stood for, I secretly wished to throw it all away...

I silently watched as he smiled, then finally he began to whisper, _"I want to be by your side forever, gazing at your smile_

_I want to live each changing moment in your eyes_

_In that one scene, forever colored in gentle hues_

_In order for us to be closed, I want time to stop forever."_

Unable to speak, I thought for a while, I knew those lyrics...were they lyrics...they had to be, because somewhere in my mind a song began to play. It was "Hitomi no Juunin" a song by one of my favorite bands L`Arc~en~Ciel. The English title of the song was "In Your Eyes", had Toby learned the English lyrics just for me?

"When..." I slowly shook my head, trying to figure out if I was awake or asleep. "Where..." My mind refused to form sentences that could be understood, leaving me to ask single worded questions.

Toby, laughing again, walked over to me, standing so that our faces were merely inches apart from each other. "This morning. Before you woke up."

"But where'd you even hear that song?" I asked, my mind catching up in time.

Looking unashamed, he told me, "Your apartment."

"My apartment? Wasn't it locked?" Before he even so much as had to open his mouth, I remembered all the way back to the first few days that we'd known each other. "Your perfect lock-picking tool?"

Smiling, he happily asked, "You remembered?"

"How could I forget..." I frowned, "Toby, I know that we've both told each other that we love one another, but up until now, I had only been thinking of 'I love you' as being nothing but words you tell the person that you're with...I hadn't thought of what the words really meant...but now...now I do..." I could feel my eyes widening as I spoke, "I might still be a kid...But now that I know, I can honestly say that you're my first love, I would have realized this sooner only I didn't know how it felt...Toby, I love you! I still don't know who your first love was, but that's in the past, and now, I want us to both live in the present, treating it as if it were our last!"

Drawing me in close, Toby held onto me as though an unseen force would drag me away from him. I could feel his heart racing beneath his shirt, and slowly, I placed my hand over the speeding beat, that felt like a small fluttering bird. I looked up at him, blue-green reflected in brown. His face was flushed, and he had a smile upon his lips, that seemed to just draw me in.

Was this supposed to serve as an answer to who it was that he'd loved?

Gently, he began to brush his lips against mine, and I felt my heart begin to race within my chest, and seemingly, Toby had felt it too, placed his hand over my heart, just as I'd done to him. Smiling, he stroked the side of my face with his finger.

So wonderful, was what was happening, yet my brain was denying to understand it. I felt every touch of Toby's hand against my face, my skin, and I could do nothing.

Tracing the tips of his fingers down my arm, I found that I was able to smile at him, seeing this, he also smiled, his eyes becoming the shape of an upside down crescent moon. Then slowly, his lips were pressed to mine, and as if snapping out of a daze, my brain was back, and I steadily was able to keep up as the urgency of the kiss increased.

Toby moved his hands, tenderly holding them to the back of my head, our lips moving with each others, and I wrapped my arms around to his back, pressing them gently against the backside of his ribs.

Just by doing this, Toby deepened the kiss even more. After a while, he began to lower us to the floor, lying me on my back, and with him beside me, interlacing our fingers together, he kept his lips on mine.

I had never seen this side of him, and I wondered why, then as Toby pulled away, we both were breathing slightly harder than usual. He pressed his forehead to mine, and with a smile, whispered, "I love you!" He looked up, and touched his lips to where his forehead had just been.

Suddenly, soon after his lips met my skin, I found myself yawning, and as kind as ever, Toby looked over at the clock that I'd hung on the wall.

It was nearly one in the morning. "Time for bed. Would you like for me to stay here? Would you like to come back over to my place? I mean, I do have a new puppy to think of."

We both smiled, "Can I bring Tabby? We can separate Griffsor and her..."

Laughing, Toby whispered, "I think that they'll be fine. Come on, let's grab her, and get some sleep." He got to his feet, helping me to mine. I quickly grabbed Tabby, who had curled up into a small fluffy ball, and as soon as I had a hold on her, she meowed angrily at me for disturbing one of her many cat naps of the day. "Ready?"

I nodded my head, and we left, locking up my now practically uninhabited apartment as we went.

Entering Toby's place, we were once again greeted by Griffsor, and I could vaguely hear Toby saying, "Calm down, it's not time to play, it's time to sleep."

I took Tabby over to a spot that was too high for Griffsor to reach, and set her along with her bed on it. Instantly, she curled back up, and was fast asleep. Smiling I left her be, and joined Toby beside his bed.

Climbing in first, Toby followed closely behind me, and whispered in my ear, "Good night." Then, holding me gently, we both fell asleep.


	28. Within the Darkness There is Still Hope

Part 28 - Within the Darkness There is Still Hope

My eyes slowly began to flit open, and I couldn't tell if I had gone blind, or if there were no lights in the place that I was now lying awake in. I tried to call for Toby, but I couldn't speak. My voice was lost, leaving me mute.

Was this a dream?

It was impossible for me to tell. Gradually, I rested my cheek against the ground, it was a stone floor, and I was at last able to decide that I'd fallen into a dark dream once more.

Unlike the last one, however, Toby didn't seem to be there with me.

I remained there on the floor for several more minutes, willing myself to leave, to escape all on my own. Though, I soon realized that I didn't have the strength to leave the way that I wanted.

How weak and helpless I was, slowly learning that I always needed someone to save me...How often I lost my voice, and needed another to speak out my words for me...Was I becoming the person that I wished to be?

Sitting up, I looked around, at all of the things that I couldn't see. No matter how blind I was, I couldn't stay there, I had to get up, and get moving, only to stop when I'd reached the safety of home.

To wherever Toby was.

Quickly standing up, I held my hands in front of me, in case I were to fall, I silently started off in the direction that I was already facing.

This darkness couldn't last forever, and somewhere, and I didn't know where, there had to be a light showing the way. I just had to find it.

Walking alone, it felt like I was on my way to face the end. That even so much as trying to put up a resistance would be a futile attempt to save my life. And, that dream or not, I wasn't ready to give up the ghost just yet.

Death would have to wait, because my life, had only really just become worth living.

In the past, there had been times when I felt that the act of living, had been nothing more than a waste of time. That if I were gone, there would be no one who would be there to miss me. Just like a lot of others who were my age, who could have been considered a troubled teen, when they were at those ages, I had, at least once, considered leaving the world behind.

I had never told anyone of how I felt, back in those days, and no one ever realized at how much agony I was really in. Day after day, immersing myself within pages of dark poetry...poetry that I had written from my heart. Poetry that seemed to flow from my pen, becoming something unique, something mine. A picture formed through my words, saying that I was begging for my peace of mind. Pleading for anyone to help me, save me, before my end came...I asked if it was all too late...

I even sometimes had blamed God for making me feel the way that I did.

When I had thought of ending it all, I became nothing more than a pathetic coward. Trembling at the way that I was thinking...hating myself more than what should have been possible...

The darkness, encompassing me, was managing to bring all of those feelings back up to the surface as I continued on. Forcing me to relive all of the emotions that had, at one time, tortured me.

I didn't want to give in.

I would refuse to go back there.

I had had enough of those days, and I needed to feel alive, and I needed to hang on to hope, even if there's barely any of it left. If I allowed myself to become defeated, then that would be it for me.

Even if in the real world, I were to lose my sight and voice for good, I admit, I would feel sad knowing that never again would I be able to see the faces of those that I hold dear, and that I'd never tell them how I feel again, for the time that I had left to live...

But at least I'd still be living!

With a smile on my face, I forced myself through all of my past suffering, past all of my tears...I had a life to get back to...and after all, this was nothing but a dream! A dream meant to fill me with doubt.

Moving through the darkness, I felt as if my eyes had just opened for the very first time, as I began to see a tiny speck of light at the end of a long tunnel.

I could read the scribbles of writing that had been scratched into the walls.

_"Never give up the life you've been given!"_

_"Always see the truth, and all of the good in others."_

_"Remember that life is beautiful."_

The words stood out like a bright, white light, remaining visible even in the pitch blackness of the room. Whoever had wrote the messages, had intended for me to see them...

To accept them...

To understand them...

So walking over to the wall, I began to etch in my own words of wisdom, for the next poor soul to fall into this black and white silent film that was a dream.

_"Even if you feel like you are alone, know that you're not. Even if you feel unloved, please believe me when I remind you, that the only person who doesn't love you...is you yourself...Open your eyes, like the rest of us have, that all of your pain, sorrow, fear, won't last, there will come a day when all that you feel is happiness! Open your eyes, and see for the first real time all of the beauty within the outside of the world where you hold all of the suffering that you feel. It'll be okay. Open your eyes, and see that even within the darkness, there is still hope left to be found! You just have to be willing to see it. If you're willing to do that, then you're going to make it out of here, just like I'm about to."_

I smiled at the words that I had just wrote, hoping that the next person would continue on with the tradition of leaving behind notes on how they now viewed life. Leaving behind all of their negative thoughts and feelings...the cause of the darkness...and I began to hope, that one day, enough people will have passed through the tunnel, writing enough messages, gaining enough hope to expand the tiny light at the end of the tunnel, so that it reached the starting point.

Making my way towards the center of the tunnel, I looked towards the light, and I noticed that someone was standing there, waiting for me. I couldn't tell who they were, but I began to sprint in their direction.

Nearing closer, I realized that it was a whole line of people, waiting to the left of the light. And every face, I knew.

Standing there, was every person who had ever loved me, dead or alive. First was my parents, both looking at me, they said nothing, yet they smiled. Had I finally made them proud? I then laid eyes on all of my grandparents, all of who were no longer living, and I was unable to call them anymore. I wanted to tell them how much I missed them, but my voice was still lost. So with a teary eye, I continued on. Next was my older brother, his wife and my only niece, who had grown so much since I last saw her. She took her tiny hand, and waved at me. Waving back, I looked on to who was next, my aunts, uncles and cousins.

My family. All together in one dream.

I saw all of my friends who had become my extended family over the years, and seeing them, I thought of them as I always had, using their online usernames to identify them all: Mr. Pope, Nitemaric, Mido, Spartan, Lemons, Silverzeke, Near, Delusiah, Louisville and so many others!

When I saw half of them, it felt like we should have ran off right there, and just like in the old days, gone off to record a podcast.

Today's topic would have been: How blind could Brixta have possibly been for such a long time, to not see what had been right in front of her! Of course, we'd all get distracted, and rant about something else, and by the time that the podcast reached an ending point, we'd have covered ten different subjects.

Then, finally, I saw Toby, standing there with his smile wide, and his arms opened, waiting for me. Glancing back at all of my loved ones, I silently wished them all well, and hurried off to join Toby.

In his arms, he looked at me and whispered, though I didn't think that speaking in this place were possible, he said, "It's wonderful to have you back!"

Opening my mouth, I tried to talk. I was still incapable of verbal words.

With a slide of his hand, Toby quietly laughed, and slid his hand once in front of my face. "How's that?"

At first my voice was a hoarse croak, then slowly, after several tries, I was able to speak clearly, "Where are we?"

His laughter and smile faded, "We're in the World of the Lost. It's the place where anyone who's ever given up on themselves and others will end up. Here you're given one last chance to right yourself, and if you've done it correctly, you'll eventually find your way to the Light of Wishes."

Once again, I found myself silenced, and barely moving my lips, mouthed out the names "World of the Lost" and "Light of Wishes".

How did Toby know so much about this place? I had only asked him about where we were, in hopes that he'd know one ounce of information about it, and not its entire history.

Without even needing to say a word, in my ear, Toby whispered, his former elation having been restored, "Brixta, my dear, this is nothing but a dream, and you make it into whatever it is that you want. You created the World of the Lost the moment you fell into this dream, and you designed the Light of Wishes because you wish to help others who are like what you once were. When you wake up, all of this will vanish...some of it, already is..."

I twisted around, just in time to see the face of my dad's mom disappear, fading back into nothing but darkness once more.

One by one, they each blacked out, becoming nothing but a memory.

Turning back to Toby, I asked, "Will you be leaving?"

He shook his head, his eyes flashing green for a second within the now growing white light, "No, I'm here for as long as you want me."

I looked over my shoulder, back to where my family had been standing, and looking at the spots where I saw my grandparents, for the first time in what had felt to me as long as an entire life time, I felt a pang of sadness. I had no way of knowing if I'd ever see them again, and yet, I had spent so little time looking at them, re-familiarizing myself with their faces, that had since their deaths, been forgotten.

Resting his hand on my shoulder, Toby gave it a gentle squeeze, "What are you thinking of?"

"I've got to re-think some of the things over in my life..."

Chuckling, he whispered, "You may not be able to change the past, but the future's whatever you make it."

I nodded, "I know, and I intend to."


	29. On the Inside

Part 29 - On the Inside

As I was lying on Toby's bed, my eyes finally opened, I could hear him gently snoring next to me, and peering over at him, I noticed that his hair was messier than it usually was. Leaving me there resisting the urge to help tame it, or to at least, get it to lay down. But when he softly mumbled about something in his sleep, and turned so that he was resting on his side, facing me, I decided, that somethings were just more important than having neat hair.

After all, just take a look at Albert Einstein, he must have been the inventor of the messy hair look, and he won the Nobel Prize in Physics, so maybe there was something behind the hair style.

Something that the rest of us couldn't see.

I happily watched Toby as he continued to sleep, his mouth in a smile, and I wondered what it was that he was dreaming of. Had he been teleported into the same interesting one that I'd had? Or was he seeing something else?

Maybe a day when Amnesia would no longer be scary? If that was it, then he'd just have to continue dreaming on, because that day would never get here.

Even if there were to be such a day, Amnesia would never be the same, and what would be the thing that attracts the players to it?

The fact that it'd most likely take place in the Land of Fluffy White Things That Couldn't Possibly Hurt Me?

Horrified by just so much as the thought of it, I decided to just stick with the original, the game where you can never seem to get used to the scares, and where you never seem to get bored with the puzzles or story.

It simply and plainly never got old!

I then abandoned all thoughts of Amnesia, and began to try and dissect my dream, trying to understand it all, trying to figure out why so many people that I loved had been there.

All tat seemed to come to mind was, when I go down.

Would would it be that people would think of me when I go down?

Asking this, I began to silently began to think of a song, that I believed held the answer.

_"When I go down_

_I go down hard_

_And I take everything I've learned_

_And teach myself some disregard."_

And it was true, I needed to learn that if I made a mistake, that I'd need to tell myself to ignore that mistake. I needed to learn that failure wasn't the worst thing that could happen.

That it'd be best to learn what I'd done wrong, and to then move on.

Sighing softly, I sat up on Toby's bed, looking out of the nearest window to me. It was raining heavily outside, meaning no Heelys, no outdoor vlog, just a day of staying at home, watching the rain continue to drench everything that it touched.

The idea of that didn't bother me, I was the kind of person who was always content to stay home, just as long as I could find something to do. Which wouldn't be hard, I've always been easily entertained.

However, being incapable of sitting still for more than five minutes, Toby would feel very differently about the rain than I did, and it was right then, that I'd find out what he'd have to say.

I heard him groan as he stretched out, waking up, and looking over at him, I saw that he was looking dismally out of the same window that I had. The first words that he said wasn't "Good morning," or even, "Hey, how'd you sleep?"

No, his first words of the day were, "AW MAN! WHAT A BUNCH OF BALLS!" His smile from while he was sleeping had disappeared, and at once, I could tell that Toby really didn't like the rain. He got up, without saying a single word to me, and headed off towards his bathroom. I could hear him rummaging around, looking for something. When he apparently couldn't find what it was, I had a distinct feeling of deja vu. "WHAT? NO! I PUT THEM RIGHT HERE! WHERE'D THEY GO? UGH! WHAT HAPPENED TO THEM?"

I waited for his yelling to subside, before I called out to him, "Did you lose something that you needed?"

He made an irritated mumble as he continued to rummage, sifting through things that I couldn't see.

I decided to try again, "Would you like some help?"

Remaining silent for a while, he slowly whispered, his voice neutral, "I've got it..."

Within my own silence, I nodded my head, got off of Toby's bed, grabbed Tabby from her safe spot, and left. All without another word. Getting back to my apartment, opening and then locking the door behind me. I quietly set Tabby onto the floor, went over to my laptop, which was still on from the night before, clicked on the icon for Windows Media Player with the mouse after it was running at full speed, and began to listen to the first song that I saw. "What If" by SafetySuit. A perfect fit, for my current confusion, so singing, as I knew the song by heart, I felt that I'd not done what I would have like to, instead of progression, I was falling back into a retrogression, and that would lead me back to the days that I'd had enough of.

_"What if it makes you sad at me_

_And what if it makes you laugh now, but you cry as you fall asleep_

_And what if it takes your breath, and you can't hardly breathe_

_And what if it makes the last sound be the very best sound..."_

My voice trailed off, and I could hear Toby continue to search for what he'd lost. In my head, as I listened to him shout angrily, I thought, _"As usual, I've made someone else angry at me...leaving me without so much as an explanation why...I really don't want to go back to those days...Yet, it seems that's where I belong..."_

Soon enough, words that I needed to get out, to write down, began to form in my head, it was best to just write them, and be rid of them.

I quickly grabbed a sheet of paper, deciding that falling back on all of the progress that I'd made, wouldn't be the worst thing that I could do. But with my pen in hand, I began to write, not caring if my words rhymed or not, that that was the ultimate beauty of poetry.

_"Alone in my room_

_I sit and I cry_

_Hearing the shouts_

_That begin to take my life_

_Yet slowly still_

_I'm fading away_

_Leaving this world_

_I've had all I can take_

_So becoming nothing_

_So quietly I say_

_I give and I give_

_But you wouldn't take_

_The words of my broken smile_

_With no wings I fall_

_Quickly to hell_

_Away from your voice_

_Away from my shell_

_I wish it hadn't ended_

_But for me_

_The bell now tolls."_

Slowly, I set down both the pen and paper, I couldn't hear Toby anymore, I could barely feel anything. I had become numb to feeling pain so many years ago. Smiling grimly, I laughed once.

The sound of it was foreign to me, and there was no sign of me being in it at all, yet I'd heard it before. When I fell into a state like the one I was in, I became something different, and it always felt like I was trapped within myself, and that someone who wasn't me, was in control.

I could feel my mouth twist into a sneer, "So easily am I broken? Why even continue on with a life that's so meaningless?" It was me talking, but those weren't my words, what I was crying out on the inside was, _"Don't go there Brixta...Worse things could happen! He might be having a bad day!"_

My shoulders were trembling, I was about to lose it, yet, I could do nothing. I was just a puppet, whose puppet master was all about cruel jokes.

"NO! I'm just a curse! A cursed being who doesn't belong! I can't continue lying to myself!" Positively crying on in my mind, I pleaded, _"NO! I do belong! Please...Please just stop this..."_

As the tears began to fall, sheeting my face, my body screamed out, "DAMN YOU! YOU DID THIS TO ME! YOU TURNED ME INTO THIS MONSTER! AND I HATE YOU BECAUSE OF IT! YOU HEAR ME? I HATE YOU! NOW WHY CAN'T YOU JUST KILL ME? YOU'VE DONE EVERYTHING ELSE, NOW DO THE ONE THING THAT I'VE EVER ASKED OF YOU!"

I feared myself.

I feared what I could do when I got like this.

I could hear Toby now, screaming and banging on the door, and as much as I wanted to answer his cries of panic, I couldn't, I just stared at the side of the door closet to me, I merely whispered, "Far, far too late..."

_"WHAT? NO! He's not too late! Don't give in! Fight the darkness!"_ I screamed, yet, I was screaming only to deaf ears. _"Please, Toby...Please, save me..."_ I was alone, and for the first time, the words that I spoke physically, matched, the words that I was screaming within myself, "Help me..."

The door began to give way from all of Toby's frantic beating, and slowly, he broke in, only to find me standing there, tears running down my face, my eyes on the ceiling, my hands at my sides.

I could hardly feeling anything, and I couldn't move. But softly, I managed to whisper to myself, "You stupid coward...I'll always hate you for this..."

I then fell to my knees, so exhausted, but otherwise back in control, I couldn't take much more of losing myself like that, and just as I fell unconscious, I desperately thought, _"Forgive me for this, Toby..."_


	30. Beneath the Skin

Part 30 - Beneath the Skin

I could hear Toby's voice, it sounded so close, yet, so far away from me. There was something strange about it, and I wondered, _"Has he been crying? Why would he-"_ But the memories of what had happened flooded my mind, and I remembered exactly why he would be crying.

It had been because of me. I had nearly lost myself in a moment of uncontrollable fit of anger, of sadness...I had lost control of myself, and it had been the part of me that I so desperately hated who had been calling the shots.

As his calls got clearer to my ears, I finally understood what he'd been saying, "Brixta! Brixta, can you hear me? Brixta! Please respond! Please, do something!" He began to shake my shoulders gently.

Finding my voice, I answered, "I'm here, and I'm so sorry about that, Toby...I...I don't know what came over me..."

Toby didn't laugh, he didn't smile, at least not from what I could tell, my eyes were still shut tight. I could feel that he was trembling, and again, I whispered, "I'm so sorry..."

It was a minute before he spoke to me again, and just like he'd asked me yesterday afternoon, he pleaded, "What. The. Hell. Was. That. All. About?" He left a distinct pause between each word as he said them in turn. Then as I felt a fresh tear, either his or mine, fall upon my cheek, he asked the same question again, only louder, "What the hell was that all about? Please, tell me! I'm racking my brains trying to figure this all out!"

Finally, I opened my eyes, the picture that I saw was fuzzy at first, but slowly came back into focus. Toby was staring down at me, I noticed that there was something different about him, but I chose to ignore it, I had music to face. "It's very simple, Toby...I'm broken...and just like anything that's been broken but attempted to be put back together, it will eventually fall apart again. I'm nothing but a puzzle, that's lost some of its pieces. I can never be whole again."

Shaking his head, he asked, with a confused look in his eyes behind his thinly framed glasses, and I realized that was what was different about him. How long had he worn glasses? It was a good look for him. "What are you talking about? How could you be broken? People don't break!"

I couldn't help but to laugh on the inside, and as I discovered that Toby had been sitting on the floor, his legs resting under him, my head placed just a little above his knees, held in the spot where his legs met, I turned my head to one side, leaning my cheek against the upper side of his leg. Then very quietly, I began to explain, "Sure we do. Given the right conditions, we can, so easily break. Me I've been slowly breaking since I was a child...I quickly learned the cruelty of others, always being told that I was either too fat or too ugly...This was an everyday thing. I'd go home, day after day, in tears. You've got to remember that I was only six or seven, so what could I do to defend myself...Absolutely nothing...With me being so young, you can only imagine the ways that the words said to me, would begin to leave scars...Scars that would be continuously reopened, leaving no time for them to heal..."

Toby gently ran his hand down my hair, which was lying limply down over one leg, and splaying out onto the floor. "But you're right here, you're fine..."

"No, I'm not..." Closing my eyes, I said, "I can only put the pieces back...I can only cope...accept things as they are...but when that gets to be too much for me, then I..." I didn't want to say it, so I settled for, "Well you saw it...That was all of the pieces falling apart...It technically doesn't take much for it to happen...but when it does...I'm no longer in control...I'm no longer me..." I looked back up at his face, his eyes had lost their luster, and his mouth pulled down in a frown, "I'm sorry if I'm hurting you, but Toby, the truth would eventually have come out, and all that I can tell you is welcome to my life..." My eyes looked past his face, past his sadness, my mind finding patterns within the ceiling. "We all have our own personal demons...secrets that we don't want anyone else to know about...my demon was formed because everyone liked to poke fun at me...call me names...But do you know something, Toby?" I asked, a ghost of a smile forming on my lips.

He looked at my face, studying my smile, then slowly he whispered, his voice full of uncertainty. "No...what is it?"

_"When I go down_

_It hurts to hit the bottom_

_And of the things that got me there_

_I think, if only I had fought them..."_

Bewildered, he spoke as if I had just talked in a language that he didn't understand, "What?"

Quietly laughing, I asked the only thing that I could think of, "Where would I be if I had fought against those who've added onto my broken mind...Would I be fine? Bearing only minor wounds, that with time, would have healed? Or would I still be exactly where I am right now? Lying here, beyond any and all repair?" My laughter faded, "I could lie here all day, telling you about the different stories of how many ways I've been put down, each time for no reason...of all the times that someone told me that I wasn't good enough to do something...all of the times that I've witnessed my family falling apart...Do you know what it feels like to lose everything that you've ever loved, all at once? Only for it to be given back, then taken away again...You eventually just stop caring...you eventually just give up...I even stopped allowing myself to get close to anyone...fearing that one day, they'd just disappear...after all, I can't lose what I never had to begin with..."

He gave me a tiny smile, and happily encouraged me by saying, "You got close to me?" Toby was just so hopeful.

Gazing sadly upon the face so full of faith, so much will to believe for something good to happen to me.

However, the best part of believe is a lie, and I no longer wanted to believe in what could never be.

"Toby, that was a miscalculation on my part, I never intended to drag you into my messed up world..."

Toby smiled, and I couldn't understand why, but then so determined, he began to tell me the exact words that I had expected from him, "Well I'm involved in your life, no matter how messed up it might be! I'm not going to be like those other people who were heartless enough to put you through hell!"

"I only hope, that you realize, that for every step that I take towards recovering, I always end up two steps back for each time that I fall." I whispered as he continued to smile down upon me.

He shook his head, undeterred by my words, "If it were anyone else...I might have done things differently, but you...you're a part of my life! And I'll accept you broken, mended or insane! You just need to let me in on what it is that you're thinking of. Let me in, so that I can find a way to help! You can choose to believe me or not, but I really don't want to lose you!"

With my voice, just barely above a whisper, I agreed with him, "I don't want to lose myself either."

"Then let's work together, and get past this."

Smiling as much as I could, I nodded, "If it's you helping, then I should be fine." And just like that, I had found the one and only person in all of the world, who had ever sincerely cared about me up until that point. Who would take me as I was, and work with what was left, rebuilding me from the ground up, making me new once more. I couldn't promise that never again would I fall apart, or that I'd be perfectly fine. I couldn't say that I would forget all of the bad that had happened to me.

But what I could say. What I could promise, was that I would try my absolute hardest!

I hated the life that I was leading, but hopefully with Toby's help, I could at least get it back on track.


	31. The Instant of Awakening

Part 31 - The Instant of Awakening

After I heard Toby tell me that he'd help me get over my past, or at least get to the point where I could hopefully keep it in check, I decided, that maybe it was time to try and do something about it. Instead of allowing it to ruin and run my life! The second that he promised that he was absolutely dedicated in helping me with my task at hand.

That was the very instant that I woke up! That was the moment that I gave up on giving up! To live and to be free of my past...all of the horrible things done to me, and all of the horrible things that I may have done...I no longer wanted to be linked to any of it.

Right from the start, neither of us were willing to say that it'd be easy. But we were both dying to say that it'd be worth it!

So as the wind and rain continued to rage outside, Toby, with a small hopeful smile gently whispered, "If you'd like, you can go get changed. I'll wait right here."

Getting to my feet, I nodded, grabbed the first shirt and jeans that I could find, then hurried off to get changed in my room. I was still somewhat drained from what had happened, but slowly, I was feeling better. Carefully I began to remove Toby's TOBUSCUS shirt, which he'd let me wear yesterday, to which had made me so happy, but it was now time to return it. Then finally, I took a look at the shirt that I'd grabbed.

It was green, and on it was a picture of one of the Creepers in Minecraft, which was printed just above the still intact Creeper.

I smiled as I slid it over my head, and then nearly jumped right into my fresh jeans, after removing the old.

As I was about to leave, out of the corner of my eye, I caught sight of one of the many pieces of clothing that I had brought to Los Angeles with me from home. Picking up the unique hat made of white fleece, I put it on, making sure that it was on straight and that it was facing the right direction, I went back to join Toby.

Seeing me, as I came into view, he gave me an amused smile.

My hat had done it again. It was my happy hat, or as my niece called it, it was my bunny hat.

"Cute." He looked closer, seeing the circular red plastic jewel glued to the center of the hat, the center of my forehead, and slowly reaching out, he touched it. But when nothing happened, he frowned, "What's it do? This little thing, it looks like a light...is it broken?" He asked curiously, pointing to the red circle.

"It doesn't do anything." I answered with a smile on my face.

Toby continued to look at my hat, trying to figure out what it was exactly. "Is it a mouse?"

"Nope."

He tried again. "A rat?"

Laughing out loud, I shook my head.

"A rabbit, now if it's not that, then I give up. So is it a rabbit?" He sounded hopeful, thinking that he'd guessed right this time.

Crossing my arms in an "x" shape in front of my chest, I was forced to tell Toby, "Wrong. There really is no easy way of understanding what my hat is, all that I can tell you is that Mokona is Mokona. It's my happy hat."

With an expression of confusion, the only thing that he was able to say was, "Okay...?" His brown eyes gazed at me, and I could tell that he was still worried about my state of mind.

I didn't blame him though, I was just as concerned as he was. Feeling as if every step that I took, was a step taken on thin ice, but I didn't want that to stop me, I couldn't. Now that there was someone willing to guide me out of the World of the Lost, I had to leave my dark confines while there was still time. While I still could find the strength to leave.

"Just believe me when I say that it makes me happy." I began to dance around, my motions made at random. I was trying to do anything to show Toby that for that moment, I was okay, that this was the calm before the storm, but that the storm was many more miles away. Leaving time for us to get to work on mending me. "Toby, what are you going to do to help me not fall apart anymore? I mean I've tried a lot of things. Pretending. Denying. What do you plan to do differently?"

He smiled as he watched me dance around, at that second I was doing the Running Man, the long ears on my hat flopping around with every move that I made, "Well I'm going to show you, that even if things were bad in your past, that it doesn't always stay that way. That the only thing that's constant is change."

Becoming still for a minute, I quietly whispered, "Where'd you get that? A fortune cookie?"

"Where'd you get that hat? Bunnys-R-Us?" He jokingly threw back at me, and we both laughed.

Switching over to a silent version of the Cha Cha Slide, I whispered, "Touche, actually I bought it at a store that's kind of like an F.Y.E. But all that you're going to do, is show me that things change?" I hopped twice, giggling at the look on Toby's face. This was me between bouts of my depression. This was me being as back to normal as I could manage.

If you could ever have called me normal to begin with.

I turned on my music in Windows Media Player, dancing along with "Headfirst Slide into Cooperstown on a Bad Bet" as best as I could, and Toby continued to watch me, the same amused smile on his lips. I'd never been much of a dancer, not as long as instructions weren't said within the song, but push come to shove, I could always turn to swaying and hoping that the right style of song is playing.

Eventually, he joined me in dancing spastically just as "Inner Universe" began, the look that I could see on his face, when the three languaged lyrics reached his ears, was that of both amazement and confusion, his feet moving with such fluidity, that I wondered if he'd come directly from the song. "So what language is this in?"

"Russian, Japanese and English. I've always thought that it was an absolutely beautiful song, even if I never could get it right whenever I try to sing it." I laughed as I attempted the first line of the chorus, and my voice shot up and to me it sounded worse than nails on a black board. "It's just too high, and sadly, I can't do high pitched singing."

It was a few moments before another word was said, the music had been turned off, and we'd both stopped dancing. Toby was now standing off, looking out of a window near the front door, which we'd fixed as best as we could. I could tell that he was deep in thought about something, his glasses gently slipping down the bridge of his nose, and I couldn't help but to notice how scholarly they made him look.

With his glasses on, he looked as if he could have been a lawyer working a case...a very casual lawyer...with an alter ego named "TOBUSCUS" who was a super hero. Ready and willing to swoop down, and save the damsel in distress.

Toby could do anything, he was just that amazing!

He eventually looked over, and saw me gazing happily over at him, flashing a smile he quietly whispered, "What is it that you normally do for stress relief?"

I was impressed, he really was trying to figure out how to fix me, but I wasn't sure if stress was the initial cause of the attacks. "Well, there's what you already know, I sing, and play video games, but those are only temporary solutions. I also write, and draw, not very well, but I do." Looking at his face, I began to quietly whisper, "Toby, really, I don't fall apart because of stress. Now that you've helped me to open my eyes, I think that I've come to realize that my problem lies in my past. And my past alone. It's the memories of all those days that's plaguing me. It would be so much easier to do what it is that we'd like to, if we could just erase some memories from my mind. If we could just do that, then think about how much happier I would be. Free from everything holding me back, so that I can move forward. That's really all that I want, to break free...yet it's the one thing that I never can seem to get close enough to." I took a deep breath, tilting my head back so that I was staring up at the ceiling, "You have absolutely no idea how long it's been that I've had to wait in order to be released. But then to know how long that's been, you have to know how long I've had to wait to find someone who actually cared enough."

Toby was now standing next to me, and keeping my head tilted back, I so gently took hold of his hand, "I've often wondered if I've forgotten how to really smile. To really laugh. To live. I've just been going through the motions. Hiding beneath a mask...Just tying to fool the entire world...I wonder now if I was just trying to fool myself, and everyone else was just going along with it...Thinking that I was fine...Yet if they all knew what I looked like beneath the surface of that mask...would they have seen all of the pain...sorrow...and hatred that I harbored within myself...would they continue to see nothing but the lie?"

Squeezing my hand in his, Toby calmly explained the way that most people thought, "They probably did see it, but chose not to do anything about it. A lot of the people out there in the world are selfish when it comes to helping those who are in need of it the most. We live in a world where people continuously use the words 'I', 'me' and not nearly enough 'you', except for when it comes down to placing the blame for something on someone else."

All that he'd just told me, I couldn't agree more. To think to how much more people would rather abandon their own kind, all because of their busy hectic schedules. Thinking about all of this, I couldn't help but to whisper out, a sour edge to my voice, "A desolate place once called humanity..."

Hearing me, Toby asked, a little confused, "What was that?"

Cutting straight to it, I answered, "A poem that I wrote many years ago, and still to this day, I remember every word written in it." Slowly, I gathered my nerves, and began to recite from heart and memory, _"You stand before me_

_While the world waits below_

_You say no one needs me_

_But what would you know?_

_You hide your true face_

_So that no one can see_

_The truths to these facts_

_So that no one is free._

_A world falling down_

_Like the building blocks of youth_

_Leading us no where_

_But too far from the truth._

_A world full of crime_

_Is all that we see_

_A desolate place_

_Once called humanity."_

Next to me, Toby said nothing, and I couldn't tell if he was afraid, or thinking over the contents of the poem. After a minute of silence had gone by, I quietly asked, "Do you think that I'm the only one in need of being saved? Because I'm not. There are plenty of others out there, waiting to be heard...I originally wrote that poem as part of a homework assignment, but eventually, it became more. It became my actual thoughts. If people continue the way that they are...starting fights with others, stealing just to get by...then what kind of humanity will exist another hundred years from now? Those who are starting the fights, those who are stealing...those who choose to ignore...they all need to wake up. They all need to hear the voices that have remained unheard for so long. This world is unraveling...bit by bit...and no one seems to want to stop it. If I could do anything, even if I can't repair myself, I want to help those who are like me. To help them not feel so alone." I slowly looked over at Toby, who was already gazing at me, his brown eyes filled with what could have been sadness, "It's taken me nearly fifteen years to realize all of this, but since you've helped me to wake up, I've began to see, that I want to be there for them, just as you've been here for me. I want to share the hope that you've given me, that everything can be all right again."

Speechless, he nodded his head, pulling me in for a gently embrace, and I knew that never again, would I be ignored.


	32. Relentless Rain

Part 32 - Relentless Rain

For the next few hours, Toby and I continued to talk about the direction that humanity was heading in, the different ways that we could help the voices that had been silenced finally be heard, and that we'd just try multiple things that might help fix me. We wouldn't push ourselves to discover my unknown hope, because we both knew that eventually we would stumble across it. Given enough time. It would make itself known.

Sometime while we'd been discussing all of this, we failed to notice that the rain had stopped, and that it was safe to venture out into the outside world.

I stood somewhat just out of the dripping radius of a tree, water clinging to its leaves for just a second, then falling the rest of the way down to the earth below. Watching as a pair of Robins flew away, I waited for Toby, who had decided to take Griffsor out for a walk, before the rain decided to start back up again, I took in the absolute beauty of the world around me. The rain had left everything more alive than it had been just yesterday.

A gentle breeze grabbed hold of my light brown hair, moving it playfully in the air. I slowly closed my eyes, and held my arms out so that I was standing in a "t" shape. Feeling the wind play across my skin, the coolness of the rain still hanging around, it would be memories like this that I'd want to keep dear to my heart.

Memories of Toby. Memories of the way he makes me feel. Memories of the unofficial new beginning of my life. Memories of letting go of my past.

Yet I could still feel the heaviness of all that I wanted to cast away, lying in my mind, dormant at the time, but still very much there. How much would I have to give up in order to forget? What price would I have to pay?

Sighing very quietly, I heard the sound of approaching footsteps, but without looking, without even so much as checking to see who was there, I whispered, "Welcome back."

Toby laughed softly, capturing me with the sweetness that was his voice. Capturing me, ensnaring me. Leaving me to think that the sound of his lovely voice would be what would save me. I wondered silently if Toby knew exactly what he did to me, even if there was no physical contact? Did he know that if he smiled, he could make me smile as well? Did he know that if he were ever to get hurt, that I would cry for him, pray for him, and wait beside him until he were better? But his voice, did he know that with his voice alone, he could grab the attention of my soul, while making me feel all jumbled up?

He smiled, reaching out to take my hand in his, then quietly he asked, "Would you like to take a walk with me? We could probably both use the fresh air."

"Yeah, we probably could." With my hand still in his, he began to lead the way towards the main road that was to the right of the apartment complex. I didn't ask where we were going, but I did wonder if Tabby would be okay being left in my place, with the door in the shape that it was in. And I doubted, that if anything were to happen, that Griffsor, who had been put back into Toby's apartment, would do anything to save her.

Slowly my worries subsided, and I was free to concentrate on mine and Toby's walk. Which was both calming and refreshing for my mind. Then suddenly, I heard, "Come on, I think that it's this way."

"What's what way?" We turned onto a grassy path, trodden down from others who had come before us. "Toby...Where are we going? I thought that we were going on a walk, and not a hike?"

Laughing, he stopped to look at me, his smile untouched by the now light drizzle of rain coming down, collecting on the lens of his glasses, and very quietly he whispered, "You'll see when we get there."

As my hair began to stick to the side of my face, I nodded, and trusted Toby with so much. And he knew it, so he wouldn't lead me astray, nor would he let me do anything dangerous. So when he continued down the path, with trees on both sides, each one boughing over slightly, creating an archway that seemed to go on for miles.

It was almost like we had walked right into a fairytale, the land around us so preserved, and safe from human hands.

A perfect dream.

Walking in step with me, Toby smiled his beautiful smile, teeth flashing before he asked, "What do you think?"

"It's gorgeous! But where are we?" Whispering was all that I could do, my eyes glued on the nature, which was so rare to see.

"It's a park. The states made it so that a few patches of land, that's pretty much the same as this one, are to remain as they are. Standing tall, growing as they were intended. Though we haven't even got to what I want to show you." He said, walking a little quicker, and the rain began to pick up. Soon we'd be caught in a downpour, but I wasn't worried.

A little rain never killed anyone, and with Toby there beside me, I had my own personal saviour. Who was already saving me, one tiny bit at a time.

We had gone another ten minutes, when Toby got behind me, covering my eyes with his now damp hands. "Okay, let me guide you, I want you to be really surprised when you see what it is that I'm taking you to." He whispered in my ear, and then softly said, "You ready?"

Somewhat numb from the rain, I responded, "Yes."

Unable to see anything, I was walking as blind as I had in my dream from the night before. The only difference, I knew that there was no absolutely impenetrable darkness, only broken by the Light of Wishes.

No, I was with the safety of my true Light of Wishes. Toby illuminated the darkest of places when we were together. Making the darkness that I was seeing not the true darkness of the world.

While the rain continued to fall down upon us, I began to get chilled down to the bone, but we were nearly there, we couldn't turn back now. However, just as I was about to open my mouth to ask how much farther we had to go, Toby removed his hands from my eyes, brought his soaked fingers to his lips and began to breathe on them, trying to warm up. Slowly he then whispered, his hair becoming more and more plastered to his ever whitening face, "Well, what do you think?"

I turned and looked at what was now before me. It was a field, wide and full of wild flowers. A sea of colors. But no matter how beautiful it was, no matter how much I wanted to gaze at it, I knew that the thing that needed my attention the most, was standing next to me, and growing paler by the minute. "Toby," I whispered, as I wrapped my fingers around his as best as I could, his hand was freezing. "Toby, come on, we need to get you back to your apartment."

He looked at me, his expression showing that he more than understood, but that he also agreed. "Yeah, I'm beginning to not feel so hot."

Nodding, I began to lead us back down the path of boughing trees, Toby trying to keep us with me, his face steadily becoming drained of all color. In no time at all, we were back on the main road, all that was running through my mind was that Toby had saved me, and even if he didn't need saving, I had to at least help.

When we were at the door of his apartment, I wrenched it open, and led Toby over to his bed. I rushed to find towels, and to get him a new change of clothes. In his bathroom, beneath the sink, I found the towel that I needed, with it in hand, I quickly took it to him. He was lying on his back, shivering slightly. "Toby, come on, here dry yourself off. When I get back, I'll have a clean and dry shirt, pants, and everything ready for you." He slowly nodded, and began to dry off his skin with the towel. "I'll be right back!" I ran to his closet, grabbed the first shirt and pants that I saw, then hurried to his dresser and took out a dry pair of boxers for him to put on. In his room, he was still drying himself off, but smiled when I handed him the clothes.

"Thank you." He whispered, sounding drowsy.

Smiling at him, I bent down pressing my lips to his forehead, and beginning to feel as if I were frozen, promised him, "I'm going to get changed, you do the same. Please?" He nodded again, and I left, shedding my clothes, that were just as soaked as Toby's had been, as soon as I was in my apartment, the door shut behind me. I didn't bother drying off, if I got sick, then I got sick, but Toby needed me, and I wanted to get back to him as quickly as possible.

At my closet, I threw on a black, red and white shirt, that had a man sitting on a chair, supporting himself up with just his bare feet, black circles forever resting under his eyes, and with hair messy and as black as oil, the words "Death Note" printed above him in black ink, overlapping a bright red cross. Then pulling on a pair of gray jeans, I rushed to my tiny kitchen grabbed two tea bags, then calling out, "I'll be back later!" to my small Tabby cat, walked to the door of Toby's apartment, knocked and slowly poked my head in.

He was sitting on his bed, changed into his new clothes, but to me it looked as though he might have fallen asleep.

I walked over to him, gently held onto his shoulders, and lowered him so that he was lying down. Feeling his forehead, I could tell that he was starting to get a fever.

All of this had been because he wanted to show me something as beautiful as one of the last remaining field of wild flowers. It hardly seemed fair.

Setting down the green tea bags on the counter, I carefully crawled beside Toby, and laid down on his bed. My eyes staying on the same window that I woke up and looked out that very morning.

How amazing it was, that so much could happen in one day. I nearly lost my mind, wanted to end my life, confessed my past to Toby, realize that I'd like to help those who are like me, get to go see a beautiful park, then Toby and I both end up sick in bed.

My face began to grow hot, and slowly I began to shake. Curling up in a tight little ball, I turned onto my side, looking at Toby, who was still pale, but with more color to his face than earlier. I smiled, closing my eyes.

The only sound heard in Toby's apartment, was that of the relentless rain outside.


	33. A Heart that Believes

Part 33 - A Heart that Believes

I wasn't sure about how much time had gone by. Not knowing if it had been hours, days, hopefully not weeks or months, but when I woke up, I felt worse than bad. I felt absolutely terrible. Shivering from head to toe, my whole body aching, making me feel as though I'd been hit by a semi-truck, followed by being run over until I was sure to die.

Wanting to just lie there motionlessly, I weakly called out, "Mom...mom, I don't feel very good..."

Next to me, Toby groaned, and sounding just as bad off as I was, whispered back, his voice telling me that his throat was sore, and that it hurt to talk, "Brixta, your mom isn't here..." He coughed, gently rubbing his neck. "So how are you feeling? Hopefully better than I am..." He tried to laugh, but his laughter turned immediately into a moan.

Remaining still, I whispered, "You want the long version, which includes a human pancake making semi-truck? Or the simple version, which can be summed up with the word: Ow?" I winced, finding that even so much as talking hurt, but without needing to go to a doctor's office, I already knew what I had. "I think I've got the flu..."

Reaching over, I felt his clammy hand gently stroke mine, and slowly turning mine over, I took hold of Toby's hand, "So how are you doing?"

It took a minute before he quietly told me the status on how he was feeling, "Head hurts a little, same with my throat, it's all scratchy...but that's it, at least, that's it for now..."

Looking out of the window, I could see the first sign of daylight, and figured that it'd been just a few hours since we'd both crashed on the bed. When I'd gone to sleep, I had only been feeling a little bad. "Toby..." Whispering, as I felt an all new wave of pain hit me, I said, "Please, destroy that semi before it runs me over again..."

He tightened his grip on my hand, carefully moving closer to me, and with the slightest touch, pressed his hand to my cheek. "I'm sorry, I made us go to that park..." In the lifting darkness, I could hear Toby sigh, and I wasn't about to let him blame himself for this.

"No, it was fun, and I never got the chance to thank you for such a wonderful outing!" I rolled over, resting on my side and gently tucking my head under Toby's chin, wrapped my arms gingerly around his waist. All of this killed my muscles, but I loved Toby, and love knows no boundaries! "Thank you! For everything! You saved me, and I'm so thankful that you did! I honestly don't know where I'd be if I hadn't met you! So thank you again, Toby!" Gently, I kissed the base of his neck, feeling him laugh quietly as I did so. "I love you so much!"

As the final rays of the morning sun shone through the window, I could feel Toby nuzzling his face in my hair, a smile on his lips, then sounding muffled, he whispered, "I love you too! Just never scare me like you did yesterday, I was so terrified that I had lost you! And I didn't know what was happening...I thought you'd gone to get changed, the out of no where, I hear you screaming about how you hated someone, and that you wanted to die...it felt like I couldn't get to you fast enough...When I saw you just standing there, staring up at the ceiling, almost as if you were looking for an answer, you just fell to your knees...unconscious...I thought that I was too late..."

It hurt hearing Toby tell me about how he felt and how he'd seen me, but I deserved to feel the guilt. "I'm sorry, I thought that you were angry at me..."

Instantly, his smile fell away, and was replaced with a taut line, "Why would I have been angry with you?"

"Well you woke up, and began to yell, I think that you'd misplaced something, and when I'd asked if you needed help looking, you very...I don't know how to describe it...well you told me, with a lack of emotion in your voice, that you had it..."

Toby went silent, his arms squeezing me so very gently. "That's when you left...forgive me! Please! I wasn't mad at you...I'd lost my contacts, and couldn't find any of my spares...leaving me with only my glasses to wear...but I wasn't mad at you!" His lips pressed to my head, which hurt a tiny bit, but not enough that I'd make him stop.

Closing my eyes, I began to ignore all of the pain that I felt, trying to stuff it all into a little pocket somewhere that wasn't near Toby or myself, but my efforts were fruitless, and I was left feeling the tender excruciating pain radiating through my entire body. All that I wanted, was to be alone with Toby, alone without the pain consuming my arms, legs, head and ever my fingers.

I would just have to work through the pain. Work through, and endure it. Anything in order to be with Toby.

"It's okay, I understand now. Besides it's all over, and I think that I can start believing again. And it's all because of what happened yesterday. Though we might both have fevers now, I know that it will pass, but me being with you! That'll last forever!" I laughed quietly, not even feeling sick anymore, but I knew, that I'd have to pay for my moments of happiness later. "I know that the feelings of my heart have done a complete three-sixty, but sometimes, that's the way it works. You know? It's like I've finally figured it out...though I know that I'm far from cured, we're at least one step closer to it." Ducking my head out from under Toby's chin, I glanced up at him, smiling widely.

For the second, we both seemed to be illness free, getting up and setting about his apartment, having something easy for breakfast. Headed over to my place, fed Tabby, who seemed to be in a foul mood after being left by herself all night. Toby and I decided not to push ourselves too much, so after Tabby had eaten, I scooped her and her blanket up, and before leaving, grabbed two books to read while sick in bed. Finally after everything was done, I went back to be with the one that I loved above all others. "So what'd you like to do today? We could watch a movie, play video games, maybe even read?" I set Tabby and her bed on the floor, which I had been holding with one hand, then held up for Toby to see, the two books that I'd been carrying in the other.

Half-hearted he shrunk back from them, opening his mouth in a silent gasp, "Not books! I already told you that I'm allergic to them!"

Frowning, I whispered as I sat down on the edge of his bed, "Aw, but they're really good!" Flipping one of the books open, I began to read, Toby with his eyes on me the entire time, watching me as I read the first chapter, then the second, finally when I was about to start on chapter three, which was titled "Destroyed" he opened his mouth and began to ask questions.

"What's the name of the other book?"

Smiling as I turned another page, I answered, "Another Note: The Los Angeles BB Murder Cases."

He looked down at the black and white book, with a silver cross made out of bones. "This takes place in LA? It's not a documentary about an actual event is it?" Slowly he took hold of the book, opened it, read the title of the first chapter, "How to Use It..." Glancing over at me, he began to silently read through the first official page. Cringing away as he envisaged the brutal murders depicted within the words. Soon enough, it was more than he could take, and closed the book. "That was..." He thought of a word that would describe what he read, and how he felt, "Horrific? Why would you buy a book like this?"

Shutting my book, which was called "L Change the World", I smiled and whispered, "Because I adore the series that it's based off of. I have many, many likes in this world, Toby, one of them is justice. And it's thanks to these books, and the series that they're from, that I even truly understand what justice really is. I guess that due to my past, that that's the reason why I hold it so close. Why I can relate to some of the characters." I looked at the cover of the book in my hands, my finger marking my spot, and there on the hardcover face of the book was the same male character that was on my shirt.

Toby was standing beside me now, looking down at the busy scene on the cover. A man pale with lids blackened from many nights of no sleep, black hair sticking in every direction, a long sleeved white shirt, faded blue jeans and pinched between his thumb and forefinger, he held onto a lollipop.

"Who's that?" He asked, pointing to the man.

With a smile, I whispered, "The one fictional character that I felt like I could relate to the most in the world. Just like him, I may not look like much, but I'm both rather physically strong and intelligent. For the latter, I just never really apply myself all that much." Laughing, I cleared a smudge away from the glossy book cover, "His name is L, and when I was in high school, I was actually given the nickname 'L', the reason given to me when I asked why, was because of my intelligence, and since then, it's stuck with me"

Snickering slightly, Toby sat down beside me, and I couldn't tell if he were being serious, or if he were joking, asked, "If you had to give me a nickname based off of anyone of those characters in either book, what would you give me?"

I looked over at him, my eyes taking him in, the soreness from being sick was coming back, so quietly I eliminated the nicknames that didn't suit him, "You like video games, yet you don't smoke, so it wouldn't be Matt. I've never seen you eat chocolate, so not Mello either. I've already got a Near, but you're not obsessed with toys like robots and action figures, so it wouldn't have fit anyway. You're not insane, or eat jam directly out of a jar, leaving B as a no-go...I guess that you'd be an L, like me...You're intelligent, have odd little quirks and for the most part, you think quick on your feet." I smiled, and crawled back towards the head of Toby's bed, lying down, my mind now running a mile a minute, having slipped into what I had learned to call my 'L-mode'. It was simple to get in, just as simple as flipping on a light switch, my thoughts wanting to solve any question or puzzle shown to me.

Laughing with a huge smile on his lips, Toby followed after me, and laid down himself.

As I looked at him, I knew that in my heart I really could believe in more than I had believed in such a long time. And with every second that I spent with Toby, my heart would continue to believe in more.

I was finally healing.


	34. You Are My Sanctuary

Part 34 - You Are My Sanctuary

Slowly falling victim to my fever once more, Toby seemed to still be fine, watching over me as I periodically trembled, despite how unbearably hot it was. A fever like the one that I had, wasn't anything new to me. After all, I had always seemed to be in and out of the doctor's office for strep throat, ear infections, bronchitis, pneumonia and for asthma more than I seemed to actually have been well enough to attend school.

Quite literally, I maybe only ever could go to school eleven days out of each month. Once I was absent for a full month...September of 2001...a month that I, nor anybody else would be soon to forget.

Yet it was on the very day that wouldn't be forgotten that I was hospitalized. I can't say that I remember much about what happened, because my fever had been so out of control, but I remember what I was told after the fact.

Looking around me, I tried to keep my body from getting too stiff, crying in my head, as each move felt like a million. I honestly wanted to just fall asleep, and not wake up, not until I was over my bout of the flu. "Toby...how come you got better so quickly?" I glanced up at his face, his eyes tinted with sadness for me.

When he'd thought over his answer to my question, he quietly whispered, his left hand smoothing my hair away from my face, "I'm guessing that it was just a few problems with my sinuses. Allergies...really bad allergies is all that it was." He stopped brushing back my hair, and rested his palm on my forehead. "How are you feeling?"

Laughing, more towards the inside, I whispered, "Fit as a fiddle...isn't an answer that I can give you...If I had to be completely honest, I'd have to say, medium to well done."

Briefly he smiled at my words, my joke about my raging fever, but his smile quickly faded, "That's not good...I wish that you'd get better soon..." Leaning forward, he pressed his lips to my burning skin.

"It probably only hit me this hard because of my breakdown...I was already vulnerable...Leaving me open to catch something that would keep me in bed for a few days..." I sighed, closing my eyes, letting them rest, before quietly complaining, "I hate being sick..."

Nodding sympathetically, Toby gazed down at the foot of the bed, where both Tabby and Griffsor had curled up, fast asleep. Seeing this, he chuckled, "You were right, look at the two of them, fast friends!"

I lifted my head slightly, craning my neck to get a good clear glimpse of them. When my head hit the pillow again, I quietly joked, "Tabby's really plotting her reign on world domination. She's enlisted Griffin as her toady. She loves hearing about how well she's growing into her ears, and he wants to be in her good graces when she achieves her mastermind plot." I slowly tried to poke my sleeping kitten with my toe, but couldn't reach her, and when she slightly cracked her eyes open, watching me, I couldn't help but to laugh a little. "It appears that I might be the first name on her list of 'people who are disposable', what she doesn't realize is that I'm one of very few humans that she knows, leaving a limited number of opposable thumbs around that could open her 9 Lives cat food for her! Isn't that right, Tabby?"

She ignored my question, wrapping her tail around her face, shielding her eyes so that she didn't have to look at me. I could tell that she was still miffed with me for leaving her alone.

Toby laughed, he seemed to think that I was feeling better, when in reality I still felt like crap, "You talk to her as if she'll talk back."

Stretching out my sore arms, I took my time in replying, "For the most part, she will respond to me, but she's just a kitty with an attitude, it would seem. That's what I love about cats though! There are two categories that they'll eventually fall into. They'll either be in category one, which is the sweet lovable cats. I had one of these, his name was Pooh Bear, and he was the nicest cat in the whole world! Had a kittens meow his entire life, which wasn't that long of a time. He died when he was only six. Then I had a cat, well he was my older brothers cat, but his name was Puff. The fattest cat that I've ever seen! Probably weighed thirty pounds at one point, and here I was four years old, lugging him around in my arms. He'd tolerate it most of the time, but he'd tell me really quickly if he didn't want to be bothered. Well he died when he was around eight." I thought for a few seconds, then whispered, "Okay, so there are actually three categories, the cats who are absolutely lovable, the ones who have both traits of the more dramatic ends of it all, then finally you have your cats who have attitudes. Like little miss Tabby here." I glanced up and over at Toby, a small smile on my lips. "But those who are in that last category, are some of the best feline friends that you can possibly have. When you gain their trust, they'll always be there for you."

Quiet, Toby looked around for a while, then he whispered, "You have an older brother?"

It hit me, that he knew nothing about my family, and I knew nothing about his. So nodding my head slowly, I answered, "Yeah, he's about thirteen years older than I am. He's married, and has a four year old daughter, who if I have to say is a handful, but she's adorable, so I forgive her. I'm the aunt that she loves to play kitchen with, but that normally turns into 'throwing things at Aunt Brixta, and laugh her little head off about it'."

He laughed, and woke Tabby up, now she had two names on her list of disposables. "They're difficult to handle at that age."

"Tell me about it! She'll either be a pro wrestler when she grows up, because that kid has got some serious skill, or she'll be known as the kid who didn't get a hundred dollars all because she couldn't do a bet that my mom had made with her. The bet was to see if she could sit still for five minutes. Long story made short, she lost after about three seconds." I whispered, feeling a wave of nostalgia sweep over me.

I missed my family, but knew that I couldn't talk with any of them, fearing that by seeing any of them or hearing any of their voices, would push me back over the edge.

Which was one thing that I couldn't afford to let happen.

"Toby? Do you know how I feel when I'm around you?" I quietly asked, already with the perfect word that I could use to it to him.

"How do I make you feel? Besides all tingly inside." With this he winked, and I took a deep breath, trying to remember the words properly.

_"In you and I there's a new land_

_Angel's in flight_

_wonk uoy naht noitceffa erom deen I_

_My sanctuary my sanctuary yeah_

_Where fears and lies melt away_

_Music inside_

_wonk uoy naht noitceffa erom deen I_

_What's left of me what's left of me now."_

He gave me his usual face showing me that he was confused, and I began to break it down for him, "You're my sanctuary. Here I am sick, and you're sticking around, not even afraid of catching what I have. You help me not to be so fearful, thus 'fears and lies melt away'. Make more sense now?"

"Yeah, but what about the parts that I had absolutely no clue as to what you were saying?"

"Say it backwards and you get 'I need more affection than you know' but that's just part of the song. You don't need to give me anymore affection than you normally do." I smiled, and with my muscles screaming, inched myself closer to Toby, resting my head on his chest. His heart keeping a steady beat within my ear.

Gently he rested his hand on my back, when he spoke, I detected a slight air of disappointment to his voice, "But what if I want to give you more affection?"

My face grew hot, and if it was because of my fever or if I was just blushing, I couldn't tell, but quietly I whispered, "If that's what you want, I wouldn't dare stop you." Carefully I hugged him as best as I could. "Would you be wanting more affection in return?"

"It'd be up to you." Was all that he said, and I could tell, without looking at his face, that he was smiling. "However, affection will just have to wait. You're not better, and I might not be over what I had. I say that we both give it a few more days. Alright?"

Nuzzling his shirt, I agreed, "That's what I was thinking. For now, I just want to hug you!" As I continued to do just that, Toby began to wrap his arms around me in turn. I loved him so much, and to be here with him, alone, forced me to use every ounce that I had left to keep myself from giggling madly. But he really was a dream come true.

My sanctuary. Where everything that was whole would never break. Me included.

I wasn't able to think of being with anyone else, so long as Toby was around. I wanted him, and him alone. No one else would ever be able to compare to his sweetness, kind-hearted nature, his laugh, nothing. He was all that I'd ever need.

And hopefully, I'd be all that he'd need as well.


	35. The Sun and The Moon

Part 35 - The Sun and The Moon

Night time came back around much sooner than I had thought it would, and all through the day I had been taking small naps, each lasting half an hour to an hour. So as I then lay awake, recharged and feeling much better than I had been during the day, I found myself looking upon Toby, fast asleep next to me. His face as peaceful as an angel.

The only problem that I could find was that now my sleeping schedule would be thrown off, and all because of one day's recuperation, leaving me nocturnal, and Toby as his usual diurnal pattern. And I just couldn't let our life together become that way. Me, the moon, and Toby, the sun, forever chasing each other around in an endless orbit. So close, yet never meeting.

Closing my eyes, I decided to give sleep one final try, counting sheep, stars, whatever it would take.

Eventually after about a thousand sheep had been counted, I fell into a light slumber, stuck in the world between sleep and being awake, but it was still good enough for me.

I began to dream, and quickly found that they were fairly odd. It was Toby and me, and somehow, we'd both ended up in Kentucky, facing my favorite bookstore. Though just as I was about to reach the knob on the door, all of these homeless men were on the ground, sleeping. When I first saw them, I jumped up like a jack-in-the-box, and hopped my way over to be with Toby, who seemed to be ignoring the sleeping men.

At his side, I held onto his arm, freaked out by what had just happened, whispering, "We can just skip the bookstore for now, and we'll come back a little bit later."

Smiling he nodded his head, and began to guide us both away from the store, before either of us knew it, however, the stars were out, and we were standing in the middle of a dark parking lot, where there were only a few street lamps lighting the way for us, making it somewhat difficult to see.

Yet Toby was still there, and knowing that made it so much easier for me not to be afraid.

After we'd been walking for a while, a few stores, with their lights still on, came into view. Looking up at Toby, we silently decided to check them out, but what was on the inside of one of the tiny stores, wasn't what either of us expected.

It was an entire mall.

Complete with a HotTopic, GameStop, F.Y.E. and so much more.

Heelying off, Toby entered into the GameStop, and I wondered if I had my Heelys with me in this weird, but nice dream as well. Kicking off with my right foot, I found myself gliding effortlessly after him. The game selections were phenomenal, nothing like what I'd ever seen a GameStop carry at just one time. There were games going back to the PlayStation, along with old PC games that I had played when I first got a computer.

One of which, I found and happily picked up. It was a Windows 98 game, and I knew by heart what its title was, and what sort of plot it had. It was Carnivores, and it was one of those hunting games where you have to deal with big prey. Dinosaur big, if I had to be precise.

Holding it in my arms, I was going to buy it, if just for anything, the memories that I had of the game.

"Hey, Brixta, you'll never guess what they've got over here!" I heard Toby call out from somewhere within the store. Following his voice, I quickly found him standing next to a tall pile of new, never-been-opened copies of Amnesia: The Dark Descent.

Was this a good dream? Or was it a nightmare?

I slowly reached out and grabbed a copy, in my hand I noticed that it was lighter than it should have been. Could it have been a bad copy? A game case with no disc?

Not wanting to find out, I set it back down, as well as chose not to get Carnivores.

We left GameStop, the mall fading away into the store that was meant to be there all along. A common conventional store, with its many aisles divided up so that the merchandise was nice and neat and very easy to find.

Taking my hand in his, Toby and I both Heelied up and down the rows of goods, looking at the things that we might need, like toothpaste, coffee, tea, while skipping the things that we had no use for, hair dye, pay by the minute cell phones, or soda. Since neither of us seemed to drink much of it. We stopped at the small collection of movies and music that was stocked on the shelves.

Mainly all that we saw were movies that went straight to DVD and CDs that were meant for small children, and I didn't know about Toby, or how he felt, but I myself just wasn't ready to have a child of my own. And I probably wouldn't be for another couple of years. I at least wanted to be married first, with a stable job.

Gently tugging on my arm, we continued to wheel our way through the rest of the store, me tripping once over my feet, and falling down on my butt. When I fell, Toby stopped, offered me his hand, whispering as he did so, "Are you okay? Didn't get hurt did you?"

From what I could tell, all was fine. I took his hand and back on my feet, was surprised when I felt myself being brought in for a tight hug. His arms wrapped around me as far as they'd go, Toby pressed his lips to my cheek, his voice in my ear, whispering, "I love you!"

Filled with bliss, I softly told him the exact same, my mouth forming into a smile. "I love you too, Toby! Far more than you could ever begin to guess at! You're the dearest, the most absolutely wonderful thing that's ever happened to me! Around you, I feel more than I could ever thought possible for me." I began to blush, though the reason as to why was beyond my understanding. "You could never fully know what it is that I feel when I'm around you...Yes, you are my sanctuary. But you're so much more than that! When you, as little as just hold my hand in yours, can you feel me tremble with overwhelming joy? From the first time you and I met, you've had me under your binding spell, working it slowly so that I'd never want to escape it. You leave me craving for more time to be with you! I just can help but to feel this way, and I must tell you, that I love feeling the way that I do! After all, I would still be feeling nothing, if it hadn't been for you!" I realized that what I'd just said sounded poetic, but if that was how I could convey my emotions to Toby, then I'd use it for all that it was worth.

As long as the words were true, the way that they were told shouldn't matter.

His eyes were on me, it seemed that they might be looking at my very soul. A smile, wider than I'd ever seen, working its way onto his lips, the very smile that I so desperately loved. "You don't have any idea about how it makes me feel, hearing you say all of that!" Slowly he began to bring his lips to mine, while holding onto me with just one hand.

In a moments time, the scenery of my dream zoomed through dozens of different scenes. We were in my old bedroom, looking exactly the way that I'd left it. We then appeared in a meadow, unlike the one that we had stood beside yesterday afternoon. Soon the scenery flew by too quickly, and I couldn't tell where we'd gone, or where we were going. Then as soon as it had started, it stopped, and I could no longer see Toby.

I was now alone in an unfamiliar place. Looking down, I saw that I was in a wedding dress, and came to the conclusion that I must've been inside of a church. A rush of excitement flooded through me, as I hopefully thought that it must be Toby waiting for me on the other side of the large wooden doors. Waiting for me to walk down the aisle, ready to take his name.

As I lowered my veil, I took the few steps that were needed to close the gap between me and the doors. Opened them slowly, and instantly caught sight of a tall man with brown, nearly black hair, it was neater than what was normal for him, but I figured that Toby wanted to look good on our special day.

Getting closer, I took my place beside my groom, who when I turned to smile at him, saw that it wasn't Toby after all. I didn't know who it was that was standing so closely to my shoulder, where my skin was exposed due to my wearing a strapless dress.

Out of instinct I demanded the one question that I could think of, "Who are you?"

He laughed, the sound not quite reaching my heart the way that Toby's laughter did. Nor was his smile nearly as effective on me, and when he spoke, though he did sound nice, I could tell that it just wasn't the same. "You know who I am. We've been engaged for almost a year!"

Staggering back, I whispered, "I'm afraid that I don't know you. I'm already seeing a great guy, his name is Toby Turner, now if you'll excuse me, I really need to go find where he is..." I turned to leave this man that I knew nothing of, ready to leave him far behind me, my only thoughts in my mind were the ones begging to know where Toby could be.

Though he didn't follow, the man called out, "You won't find him. He's moved on, so have you. Or don't you remember, you left him for me."

I froze in my tracks, what he'd just said, there was absolutely no truth to it at all. Never would I leave Toby! Never! He was all that I needed, after all, he had saved me...What kind of person would I be to throw that all away? Not looking back, unable and unwilling to face whoever it was that stood behind me, with as much venom in my voice as I could manage, I harshly whispered out, just loud enough for him to hear. "You're okay looking, with your Harry Potter get up going on, but I grew out of that stage in life a while ago. Sorry to say, but you're a day late and a dollar short! I'd honestly be crazy to leave Toby!" Continuing to move forward, I heard him call to me once more.

"It will happen! Just wait and see!"

No matter how hard I looked, I couldn't find Toby, and once again, we had become the sun and moon, forever chasing each other around in an endless orbit.


	36. The Only Hope for Me is You

Part 36 - The Only Hope for Me is You

I woke up from my horrifying dream, only when I felt someone trying to shake me awake, and quickly my ears were able to pick up on the voice of the one person that I had been searching for. Had been so desperately looking and longing for. "Brixta! Brixta, wake up! It's just a dream! It's all over!"

Hearing Toby say that last sentence, caused me to bolt upright into a sitting position on his bed, my movement so abrupt that it shocked him a little when it happened. "NO! No, it can't be over!"

"You don't want the dream, that's been causing you to toss and turn, along with mumble in your sleep, to end?" He raised an eyebrow in doubt, and I silently sat where I was, thinking for a while, allowing my brain to catch up in time. To catch up with reality.

"The dream...it's over...You were talking about the dream?" I asked, trying to convince myself that that had been what he was really talking about. My eyes catching notice of the slight tremor running through my hands as I spoke. How long had I been sitting there...shaking?

Slowly Toby placed his hand over mine, his eyes wide with worry, "Yes, the dream...You were saying things like 'You're wrong' and 'I'd never leave him for you'. Tell me, what were you dreaming about that was so horrible that it'd make you toss and turn like you were?"

"I was getting married...Only I didn't know the person that I was getting married to...In the dream I told him that I was already seeing someone, when I said your name, he told me that I had left you...to be with him..." I looked down at my knees, and began to draw them close to my chest, the image of the man still so very vivid in my memories.

Brown hair, nearly dark enough to be black, blue-green eyes like mine, black framed glasses, he'd been about five to six inches taller than me, bushy eyebrows, and then there was the obvious fact about him. He wasn't Toby.

"He told me that not only had I moved on, but that so had you...And when I left him, to go and find you...No matter how hard I looked...No matter how far I searched...You were no where within my dream...No where..." I could feel his arms enveloping me in a warm embrace, which, somehow, helped me to feel better. More safe. More convinced that it had been just a dream that I'd had.

Sighing, as he sweetly kissed the top of my head, quietly I heard him begin to whisper, "It's true, we may not get to the point where we'd consider marriage, but that still doesn't mean that I don't care about you, or that it couldn't ever happen. Right now, I'd say that we could both agree that it's just too soon for us to even think about it, or for us to even really know how things will go with us. For now, however, I am here by your side, at this very instant, that's all that I can really promise you." Once more he pressed his lips to my head.

"I know, but I'd still like to be married to someone that I at least know, and not feel like I'm in an arranged marriage with some complete stranger." I looked out of the window, the moon still out, and getting off of the bed, felt the need to stand and stretch my legs out some.

At my side within a second, Toby asked me finally, "You okay? I mean, how are you feeling today? Better?"

Nodding my head, my feelings getting back to where they normally were, "Yeah, must've been some twenty-four to forty-eight hour bug, but I'm better, thanks." I decided to take a deep breath, but only ended up exhaling all of the air that I had just taken in, out of my lungs a second later. Slowly realizing that the thing that I really needed to fully calm myself was music, I had to listen to at least just one song to become normal again. "Toby, do you mind if I see your laptop for just one moment, please? My nerves are completely shot, and music is my only tranquilizer."

He looked over at his closed laptop, answering me with a smile, "Sure, let me log in, then it's all yours." Making his way to where he'd left his computer, next to his couch, and set on top of a portable table, he booted it up, glancing back over at me while he waited for the log in screen to pop up. "So, it really was that bad of a dream?"

"You have no idea! It all started off okay. We were in Kentucky, about to go and visit my favorite bookstore of all time! Then right before we actually get in, all of these homeless people appear out of no where, all of them were sleeping on the hard blacktop. Well I start freaking out, bouncing all over the place like a jack rabbit..."

Laptop booted, Toby laughed and with just as amazing speed as before, typed in his password. "Anything else happen? Or was that all?" He got out of the way, allowing me to take his spot.

"Four words for you: World's Best Stocked GameStop!" Opening up Internet Explorer, I went to YouTube's page, typing into the search bar the name of a song, any song that came to my mind. "Early Sunsets Over Monroeville" was what I settled on, and hearing the slow dance style of music, my body began to relax itself.

_"Late dawns and early sunsets_

_Just like my favorite scenes_

_Then holding hands and life was perfect_

_Just like up on the screen_

_And the whole time while always giving_

_Counting your face among the living."_

I couldn't help but to smile as the song continued to play on, the voice of my favorite singe filling my head with the colorful emotions conveyed through the lyrics. "It's the only song that I've heard about zombies that I've actually liked. Then again..." Laughing quietly, I whispered, "I've never really found a song by them that I didn't care for."

Listening to the song, I could tell that Toby was on the fence when it came to deciding how he felt about it. I could see that that he wasn't able to chose if it was good...Or not. "Do all of their songs have to do with zombies?"

The randomness of his question made me laugh again, and as the song came to an end, I began to type in the name of another, speaking softly, "You might like this one better." Clicking on the third link, I watched as Toby slowly smiled, hearing the music fade in to the point where it could be heard, then when the singing started, he nodded his head, showing that it had earned his seal of approval.

_"If there's a place that I could be_

_Then I'd be another memory_

_Can I be the only hope for you?_

_Because you're the only hope for me._

_And if we can't find where we belong_

_We'll have to make it on our own_

_Face all the pain and take it on_

_Because the only hope for me is you alone."_

Setting down beside me, the second verse now playing, Toby hugged me gently, "I love you, and I know that your dream was unsettling, but that's really all that it was. A dream. As long as things continue to work between us, then I'm here for you. Even if we do go our separate ways, I'm still going to be there for you."

I slowly looked up at Toby's face, "I know, I just don't understand where the dream came from..."

"Who knows? Sometimes the one's that come out of no where, are the weirdest it seems."

Narrowing my eyes, I quietly muttered, "You're telling me, I used to have this dream when I was a kid, that I was getting chased around by a giant dime...Then one where my cat was on a stair climber exercise machine...Now that one was weird..."

We both looked briefly at each other, broke out laughing, then hand in hand we stood up. Somehow coming to the same decision simultaneously to dance there in his living room, even long after the music had ended. Twirling in circles, neither knowing what to do.

Yet we didn't care about that. We were in it for the fun, and that was all.

After twirling, and after all of our laughter, Toby wrapped his arms around my waist, his eyes on me. "Well since we're both feeling better, would you like to go anyplace today?"

"But it's still night out..."

Smiling, he whispered, "Check again."

Looking out of the window again, I saw that the sun was indeed rising once more. Marking the start of a new day. How long had we been awake dancing, and listening to music? I didn't know, but taking a second to think, I eventually said, "As long as we're doing something together, then it really doesn't matter to me what it is." Smiling I stood up stretching, "So do you have anything in mind?"

With a little wicked smile on his lips, Toby whispered out, "Maybe."


	37. This Is My Town

Part 37 - This Is My Town

_"Ladies and gentlemen, the plane will be reaching its destination of Lexington, Kentucky shortly. Please take your seats, be sure to have yourself buckled in, and at this time, all electronic devices should be switched into the off position. And, on part of the entire crew, I thank all of you for choosing to use United Airways for your flight today. We look forward to seeing you all again soon!" _The stewardess placed the intercom back onto its hook, which was bolted to the metal interior of the planes' cabin, then proceeded to take her seat at the front by the main exit door, obviously ready to land at the airport.

Next to me, sitting by a window with its shade drawn open, Toby looked with excitement gleaming in his eyes. Watching as the ground slowly got closer, seeing for the first time the bluish grass that covered the earth. All of the horses grazing around fields that had been enclosed by medium height wooden fences. Barns built everywhere.

This was home. Nothing entirely new for me, but it still felt good to be someplace that I'd known all of my life. The place where I'd been born, grew within, learned, left and now returned to. It made me feel even better knowing that Toby was there with me, going back to my parents house, both of which, didn't know about my visit. Nor did they know about my guest. My boyfriend. Whatever it would be that they'd choose to call Toby, they still didn't know about him, and I knew, that with both surprises, they'd be shocked, as well as delighted.

Gently I touched the back of Toby's hand, which was calmly on top of the arm rest, his eyes still glued to the Plexiglas window, "Hey?"

Looking at me, a bright smile on his lips, he answered, not bothering to even mask one ounce of his enthusiasm from me. "Yeah?"

"When we get to my house, let's both just act normal, okay? My dad's one of those protective, has the shot gun in plain sight, but isn't going to actually use it, type of dads. In my opinion, he's all scare, but doesn't really want to serve time in prison. My mom...well my mom will talk your head off, and will tell you the same stories more than once if she forgets that she's already told them to you." I looked him directly in the eyes, drilling my next words in with all the strength that I had, "Toby, don't be a hero! You don't even have to listen to her stories if you don't want to. Not even once!"

Holding back a laugh, so that none of the other passengers would be startled by the loud, booming sound of it, he politely whispered, "I'll listen to her stories! I like stories that have no physical words to read. Plus you never know, she might tell me what you were like as a kid." He had a hopeful grin, and I began to think that our flying out to Kentucky, though it had been Toby's idea, was going to be a complete nightmare.

My parents, especially my dad, could never resist the urge or pass up the chance to tell some embarrassing story from my past. All of which revolved around me getting hurt in some dumb way that could have been easily avoided, me saying something stupid, or on the very few occasions where I had mispronounced a word, both of them knowing how precious proper English was to me. So deciding to beat them to the point, I hurriedly whispered, "I've tripped and fallen while walking down a sidewalk, my mom had been watching, I found her back in our house laughing. She said that I was there one second and then poof out of sight the next. Then once I mispronounced the words 'saccharin', 'aspartame' and 'niacin'. There those are the stores that they'd tell you."

Toby gave me a stare that obviously was meant to read as 'Are you serious, those aren't good stories! I want stories of the real Brixta!' Then he slowly took my hand, voice gently, eyes on mine, and whispered, "I'm sure that they'd tell me better stories than those! They're your parents, they'll be able to tell me all of the cute things that you've done. The intelligent things. The funny and silly things."

With a smile, I muttered, "Rose bush, tonsils..."

He laughed quietly, kissed my forehead, then we both heard the wings of the plane, the adjustable fins on them, moving in a downward direction. We were just moments away from landing.

Returning to his former state of uncontrollable enthusiastic elation, he happily asked, "Okay, so your parents names are what again?"

"Nahashi Otomiya, and Linda Otomiya. Yeah I know that my dad's name sounds Japanese, same with our last name, but the truth is, my grandparents were just very crafty, unique people. Oh, and before I forget to tell you, we have a fifteen year old border collie, golden retriever mix, named Socks."

The plane had reached a speed and had made it to the start of the landing strip, so as it was touching down, Toby asked, "Why's its name Socks?"

Before I could answer, the pilot began to speak over the intercom, _"On behalf of the Bluegrass Airport, welcome to Lexington, Kentucky. Local time is half past noon. It's a beautiful sunny day, and the temperature in eighty-one degrees. We hope that you've enjoyed your flight, and that the rest of your day is good."_ Slowly the plane got closer to pulling into our gate, and both Toby and I grabbed our carry-on luggage and sat them on our laps.

With it just being twelve thirty, we had plenty of time to get to my parents house, settle in, and still have time to do something fun during the evening, but then one thought came to my mind.

We had just crossed over three time zones worth of states, and where I was used to the time in Los Angeles, Toby even more so than me, we'd both be feeling a little bit of jet lag. Which would affect our festivities of the day somewhat.

For one, we'd probably be out cold asleep by nine, considering how early we'd woke up in the morning, the number of hours we'd spent dancing around, burning off energy that we could've used on something else.

Yet how could we have known that we'd be in Kentucky by the end of our early starting day? We couldn't. Flying all the way to Lexington had been an impulse decision made by Toby, and all by himself, all in less than a single second.

Just as the door of the plane was opening, allowing the passengers their chance to leave their small cramped seats, I looked over at Toby and said, "Now I know that you're going to be dying to do a lazy vlog here in the airport, but wait at least one second before you do. I'm going to call my house and see if my parents are there. And I don't need them hearing 'Audience, wha? What are you doing in Lexington, Kentucky?! That's precariously awesome!' You know? It'd just give the entire surprise away."

Smiling to show that he understood, it was then our turn to get up, and walk off of the plane, both telling the stewardess to have a good day. Then instead of heading to the usual luggage claim, we made our way to the special claims. Collecting both Tabby and Griffsor, who we'd decided to bring along with us, rather than leave them behind.

Finally, with our pets in tow, I pulled my cell phone out of my jeans pocket, dialed in my home number, which I'd had memorized for the past sixteen years, and waited for someone to answer. The voice, however on the other end, wasn't one that I'd been expecting, _"Hi Aunt Bixta, how's Caliphona?"_

It was my four year old niece, Kylie. I couldn't talk to her, at least not yet. "Kylie, let me talk to Granny. Give Granny the phone."

Without another word, the sound of the phone changing hands was heard, followed by my mom's voice, _"Brixta! I was wondering when you'd call!"_

"Sorry mom, things have been kind of hectic. How are things around there?" I asked, trying to sound as natural as possible, while trying to also keep myself from just yelling our, 'Mom I'm in Kentucky with my boyfriend, Toby, for the next few days.' but I couldn't do that.

So as I waited for my mom's response, I mouthed to Toby that I'd be done shortly, and that when I was done, it'd be a lazy vlog safety zone once more.

_"It's been about the same, as you heard we've got your favorite niece tonight. Admir and Halle went to the movies and an early dinner, they won't be back until around seven."_

Nodding my head, I responded with, "Well good luck with her. I've got to go, I'll be sure to call back later. Just found out that I've got stuff that I need to attend to. Love you mom. Tell the same to Kylie and dad."

My mom passed my messages on, then told me her usual good-bye words, _"I miss you, Brixta! And I wish that you'd just come home! It's just not the same here without you!"_

"I know, but I'm where I need to be. I'll call again soon. Bye mom." I whispered before ending the call, before Toby aimed his iPhone's camera at the both of us. His eyes wide with mock surprise.

"Audience?! Wha-What are you doing at the Bluegrass Airport, and just about to go and claim Brixta's and my luggage?! That's kind of you! Intro of darkness then redness then whiteness!" Several people around us stopped and stared as we went by. Looking at us as if we were both insane, or that Toby was the insane one, and that I was insane just through association.

Which I didn't mind, I'd rather be marked as insane just from knowing Toby, than to not have known him at all, and be one of the people now glancing at us, with nervous expressions on their faces.

With my attention on my "crazy" companion, I spoke to the phone, "We're actually in Lexington, Kentucky, and we're going to try and surprise my parents with a visit. And a surprise all my own, a famous YouTuber who's my boyfriend. My mom will flip!" We both laughed, and by now, I was completely ignoring the others around us.

Within her carrying crate, Tabby meowed unhappily, and pointing the eye of the phone on both her, and a scared looking Griffsor, who was in a crate all his own, Toby said, "This is going to have to be a short vlog. We have pets to tend to, and luggage to pick up, a taxi to hair and a house to get to. But fear not, there will be plenty more vlogs to come from the good ol' state that is Kentucky! Wheeew!"

The last bit of his sentence had been said in a thick, yet not quite this part of Kentucky, hill-billy accent. "We don't talk like that around here." I laughed, pointing out what wasn't the proper speaking etiquette of my fellow Kentuckians.

With the same accent, he told me something that I didn't know about him, "Maybe not, but I'd been born in Mississippi! WHEEEW! Where my cousin is also my sister!" He broke out laughing as he saw my jaw drop in shock. "Well I was born in Mississippi, but my cousin is my cousin. All seventy-five of them! And my siblings are my siblings. No incest runs in my family!" Casually winking at me, he continued on to say, "Otherwise how else would you explain my good looks?"

Rolling my eyes, I saw that the escalator leading down to the luggage claim was coming into view. Toby seeing this as well, whispered, "Well time to go and meet the parents of my girlfriend. Wish me luck Audience! Now bless your face! If you sneezed during this video, then bless you! Peace off! Badadododododo subscribe! Outro of darkness then redness then whiteness! Then BOOOP!" The video was now finished, Toby stuck his phone back into his pocket, then with his hand now free, took hold of mine, kissed it gently, then with a hint of nervousness asked, "You think they'll like me?"

My lips forming a smile, both of us now descending the escalator, "My parents? Toby, my parents would have to be fools not to like you! Besides, you're just absolutely adorable!" Giggling slightly, him behind me, releasing my hand and poking my side, knowing that it was my ticklish spot.

Slowly whispering out, as we reached the rotating conveyor belt, "Nobody calls me 'adorable' and gets away with it." I could tell that he was playing, yet still trying to look intimidating, which just wasn't Toby's thing. He was just too adorably cute.

Our luggage were one of the very first to be put onto the belt, slowly being moved from one side to the other, granting plenty of time for Toby and me to grab hold of them, before turning to leave the airport until the day that we'd decided to return on.

August tenth, giving us six whole days to spend with my family, and to hang around town. Visiting some of the best stores within the area.

And in the back of my mind, I began to think that this trip would be so bad after all. I'd get to see my family, Toby was there, and I'd have my overall sense of security back. No matter for how brief.

For once, I'd have everything that I loved, and longed for in one place.

This was still my town, it seemed.


	38. World of Beginnings

Part 38 - World of Beginnings

With all of our belongings, Toby and I headed straight through the automated doors, the warmth from the sun feeling good on our faces and arms. Small goosebumps began to raise up on my skin, after having been in places where there had been cool autumn-like temperatures, then moving to the warm weather outside, sent rapid shivers down my spine.

In front of the airport, already waiting for anyone who would need them, were a few taxi's, parked in a line along the curb. Neither of us wanting to waste any time, we raced to the nearest car, hurried into it, and sliding my suitcases in, told the driver the address for my parents house, "1042 Woodwedge Rd please?"

Nodding his head quietly, the driver put the address into the GPS, that was sitting on top of the dashboard, and then after both Toby and me had gotten everything into the back of the cab, had buckled ourselves in, the car took off.

Out of the window, before anything had even passed, I was able to remember everything that was set between the airport and my old home.

Dunbar High School, the apartment complex that my mom manages, Palomar Shopping Center, which was also the location of where I'd used to go to the doctors when I was sick, Millpond Shopping Center, and the Kroger that I'd shop at for groceries, my old bus stop, the street that I had lived on, my dad's gray Silverado truck, and finally, my old house. The sweet gum tree growing tall in the front yard, a white plastic picket fence placed in a way so that it made a right angle, with the tree setting right in the center of it.

The flowers in the windows were all the same two colors, red and white, and through the opened front door, I could see my mom looking and trying to figure out who exactly was pulling up into the driveway. By now I figured that she was guessing that my brother's car had maybe broke down, and just decided to head back to the house.

Not even turning to look at us, the cab driver grumbled, "That'll be fifteen bucks."

I handed him the money, and got out of the car, the side that I exited from, was the one closest to the house. My mom seeing me, her eyes opened wide in shock, turned away briefly, calling out to my dad most likely, then with her arms opened, she hurried out and brought me in for a tight hug.

Making his way to stand next to me, Toby looked at the place where I'd grown up in for the majority of my life. The house, that to me, had been my world of beginning. Where I had learned to ride a bike. Attempted to learn how to skateboard. Lost nearly all of my baby teeth. Made my first play through for YouTube. Miraculously uncovered the whereabouts of one of my friends, who had been missing from school for several months.

It was this house that had shaped me into who I am.

As the taxi pulled away, my mom looked me up and down, her smile wide, "Why didn't you tell me that you were coming home?! I would've had your dad come and get you!" She saw how loose my jeans were fitting on me, her expression becoming serious, "Have you been eating?! Brixta, you need to eat!"

I quickly held up my hands, "I have been eating! But, mom, this is Toby." Gesturing to him, he began to wave happily.

Smile in place, he whispered, "Hello, my name is Toby Turner. I made friends with your daughter the first day that she lived in L.A. I'd say that it's pretty safe to think that we've become quite attached to one another."

Laughing, I broke his words down. "All that it comes to is that Toby was the first person that I met in California. He showed me around town, told me the secrets on how to become a successful YouTube Partner, and helped me to not miss home so much."

My mom, her eyes darting from Toby to me and then back to Toby, opened her mouth to say something, but before she could speak, my dad who was carrying Kylie, who's blond hair seemed to have grown a foot, came out saying, "Who's here, Kylie? Who is that?"

He pointed to me, and me alone, doing what he does best and trying to ignore any guy in my life. Trying to forget the fact that I was an adult now, and that I was still just a six year old little girl who still thought that boys had cooties.

For a while, Kylie was quiet, her face scrunched up in absolute concentration, then finally after a minute, she gasped and as she always did called out to me, "Come on, Aunt Bixta, let's go cook! Come on!" Motioning for my dad to let her down, she was set back on the ground, where she walked over to me, and took hold of my hand. Pulling me, using all of her strength, towards the house, where all of her toys were, and all of the other things that was a means of momentary interest for her.

Glancing over my shoulder, seeing my abandoned luggage, and an amused Toby standing there, next to my parents, both of whom were glad to have me home. I slowly smiled, and with my dad grabbing my suitcase, my free hand still holding onto the handle of Tabby's crate, they all followed in behind me and a determined Kylie.

The inside of the house was just like it always was. Couch pushed up against one wall, with the love seat helping to make a pathway to walk down between it, and the electric fireplace that had been rested up against another wall. The armoire up against the wall opposite the fireplace, and a black leather recliner was set between two windows.

Down the hall to Kylie's room, which had been mine when Admire was still living at home, I broke free of her grasp, and headed straight for my room. The door still closed, just as I had left it the last time that I'd been there. With my hand on the knob, I twisted my wrist, the door swinging open effortlessly.

Exactly as I had remembered it being, my bookcase filled with over three hundred volumes of manga, along with all of my CD's, anime collections, and PS2 games, a CD player setting on top of it. On my grayish-blue painted walls, were several posters, wall scrolls, and a single painting. They were of Kingdom Hearts II, Tsubasa RESERVoir CHRoNiCLE, Trinity Blood, and a painting, given to me by a very close friend, of a younger looking version of L, lying on his stomach, on top of the combed back graying haired head of his foster father, Watari. My own armoire standing next to the door, holding even more of my books, games and movies. My bed, cater-cornered in my room, the metal bed frame's color faced over the many years that I'd had it. The bed spread white, black, gray and yellow in color, the pattern on it a kind of floral design.

This was home.

Just as it always had been with me. And I only had six days to enjoy it, to take as much of it back in as I could, while I still had a chance to do so.

Next to me, standing as quietly as possible, Toby rested one of his hands on my shoulder, then whispering he asked, "So this is your room?" He looked at all of the things hanging onto my walls, a small laugh escaping from his lips. "Well I can already tell what your favorite things are."

I pointed at the Kingdom Hearts poster, "Thousands of people adore that game! I adore that game, have all of the games, except for the latest one that came out. Which was towards the end of last month, and it was for the 3DS. I'm a few models behind, I've still got a DS Lite, and have no intention of trading it in for a game system that's going to be considered obsolete by the second month of owning it..."

Laughing, he gave my shoulder a gentle squeeze, then he began to bend forward to kiss the top of my head, and it was by pure instinct when I dodged out of the way. Toby still bent forward with a look of sadness in his eyes. "Brixta? What's wrong?" He asked this after he took a minute to recollect himself and his thoughts.

"I'm actually beginning to think that we shouldn't display any kind of affection while we're here...I mean, my parents think that we're just friends, right?"

With his smile, falling away from its usual spot, Toby nodded, and quietly began to agree, "Just friends? Yeah, okay."

I felt terrible, I had probably just said the worst thing that I could possibly choose to say to him. Yet what could I do? I had already said them, and he most likely wouldn't let me take them back.

I was stuck. In a mess that I had made on my own.

"Toby...I'm sorry, but trust me when I say that not telling them, would probably be the best thing for us to do." In the living room, I could hear my mom and dad entertaining Kylie, who had apparently lost interest in cooking, I lowered my voice and whispered, "Besides, if we were to tell them, then they wouldn't let us be alone the entire time that we're here. My dad would want to be a chaperon for everywhere that we'd go. It really is best to keep quiet about it all."

He continued to nod his head, only now, his smile had reappeared on his lips somewhat. "Yeah, you don't want Big Brother watching your every move."

Giggling, I amended my request, by adding onto the list, "Oh yeah, him too. So do you understand now? The reasons why we can't tell them?"

"I can, but it still doesn't mean that I don't wish that we'd tell them, but I do understand." Casually he took hold of my hand, and nodding his head towards the living room, happily he told me, "I think that they're watching a movie out there."

Opening the gate of the crate, I carefully removed Tabby, who looked more than just unhappy, and sat her up on the top of my bed, where she glared at me for just a second, then went to go and explore her new surroundings. Then looking over at Toby, I asked, "Have you let Griffsor out yet?"

"He's in your back yard right now. Your niece nearly attacked him when she saw what he was. She said that she just wanted to pet the doggy."

Gently laughing, I left Tabby where she was, curled up between two pillows on my bed, and made my way into the living room, where a movie was indeed being played.

My favorite movie from when I was a child, The Lion King was just nearly over. The scene on the screen being the one where Simba finally returns to the Pride Lands, after being out on his own for a while. Fully prepared to take his place within the circle of life, and become the king that he was meant to be.

Toby sat on the smaller of the two couches, and Kylie, pointing at him, a pout working its way onto her face, said, "You're mean! That my spot!" When she spoke, she was sitting in a wicker chair that was just her size, and I was happy to see that hardly anything with her had changed. That she was the same little monster that I called a niece, that I had always known and loved.

She stood up, her finger still on Toby, "Hey, that other boy, you're in my spot! Granny, can you throw him away? He being mean to me!"

Classic Kylie. Trying to get people thrown away, when half of the time, they'd done nothing to deserve being thrown away in the first place. So stepping in as Aunt Brixta, I said, "Hey you. Yeah you. The person with your face on backwards, you weren't even sitting there, so just let Toby have it."

"But it my spot!"

"You wanna finish watching your movie?" I warned her, because I knew that at any second, she'd be throwing a tantrum, and when I mentioned her movie, her mouth opened in surprise.

"Yeah?" Slowly, she nodded her head.

"Then be good."

"Okay..." Sitting back down, she turned her attention back to the TV.

Using his hand, Toby patted the cushion next to him, clearly offering me a seat, which I gladly took. Being at my house again didn't take long to get used to. My life seeming to be back to how it was, being in a place full of memories, both good and bad, made me feel complete.

I had decided where my place in the circle of life was, and was ready to face it, head on. Without any fear. After all, this was my world of beginnings, where I figured out exactly who I am.

And though life might not always go the way that we planned for it to, there will be times when I fall, get hurt, make friends and then lose them, smile and laugh, knowing that no one will blame me for doing so, one thing would never change. I would never be alone. No matter what I had thought before. No matter how I felt before.

The actual truth of it all was that people do care about me. That they always had.


	39. Your Song

Part 39 - Your Song

It wasn't much longer before Admire and Halle stopped by to pick up Kylie, both of whom stood staring at me in mild shock as I came into view. Leaning against the frame of the doorway that led into the kitchen. As they silently looked at me, it was Kylie who broke the awkward, unyielding silence, "Mommy! Daddy! Aunt Bixta's here! And she brought her friend too!"

With a nod, Admire whispered, searching the room, "I see that." Eyes falling onto me, he curiously followed up by asking, "Friend?"

I quickly motioned for Toby to make his entrance. So walking towards me, with a small red apple in his left hand, he took his place, standing next to me. Then taking a bite, he used his right hand to wave at my brother and his wife.

"This is Toby." I quietly said, all the while watching my brother's reactions. He just stood where he was, no hint of suspicion betraying the look in his eyes.

"Nice to meet you Toby. I wish that we had more time to spend so we could get to know you more, but we need to get home, and have Kylie get ready for bed." He kindly whispered, a smile working its way to his lips, then his eyes turned to me, and as the smile faded away to a firm line, he asked, "So how long are you in town for? Or are you moving back home, Brixta?"

"Just a few days. Flying here was a spur of the moment decision that Toby and I made." I replied, trying to hide the hurt that I felt from the stinging question that had just been asked of me. Though it had been an innocent enough inquiry, I could still pick out Admire's scornful attempt to make me feel weak...to break me apart...tear me down...leave me bleeding and vulnerable to all that surrounded me.

Though his words stung, they did no further damage than that, and all because of an element that Admire had never planned or thought would ever exist within my world that could dilute the force of the blow.

Next to me, Toby smiled friendly as he examined the apple that he'd been holding on to, then finally, shifting his light brown eyes to meet those of my brother's he whispered, "I'd love to move here! It'd be different from where we currently live...but I know that Brixta feels differently...she has no desire to move back. Maybe one day..." Looking down at me, he flashed me his warmest smile, "But for now, it's just as your sister said...we're both just here visiting for a while."

"Well I wish that you could visit for more than just a few days, but I'm not the one in charge of your lives."

Nodding once to show that I agreed, Halle took hold of Kylie's hand and said, "Tell everyone bye. We've got to go now."

Slowly making her way to everyone, she gave each person a quick hug and reaching me, she whispered, "It was good seeing you Aunt Bixta. Come back soon!" With that, she hurried off, both Admire and Halle saying their goodbyes, and then they too left.

Standing in the living room which felt as though it were housing more people than it really ought to be able to hold, my parents turned to me, and it was my mom who spoke, "Do you two think you can clean up a little? We've had a long day and you know I wouldn't ask this of you unless we weren't very tired."

For a moment, I was silent, then said, "Sure. You guys go on and get some sleep. We'll see you in the morning."

Thanking us, both of my parents walked to their room, and shut the door behind them.

Leaving Toby and I alone with each other. Within an instant, I heard Toby quietly point out, "You haven't said much since we got here."

"Neither have you."

I could feel his hand gently grip my shoulder, and then his voice was directly in my ear, "Regardless of that, are you okay? Did you come back here too soon?"

"No..." I shook my head from left to right, "I'm fine..." My gaze drifted to the floor, "I just feel terrible that I decided against telling my family about us...I really want to tell them...I do..."

Chucking softly, he whispered, "I know that you do, but you have to realize that I won't ever force you into doing something that you're not entirely comfortable with. So take your time. I'm patient." His lips pressed gently against the very top of my head, while he wrapped a single arm around my body.

I couldn't help but to blush from the contact, and quietly I whispered, "What if my parents come out here and see us?"

Laughing, he pressed his lips to my head once more, then released me, a smile spreading across his face. "Sorry, I may be patient, but sometimes I just can't help myself." The words flowed from his mouth, and he turned to go back to the kitchen, where I heard him open the trash can, and throw the remaining bit of his apple away.

Frozen to where I stood, I suddenly felt alone, almost as if Toby walking away was enough to remove all of the happiness and light out of my life...As though I had been left outside in the midst of the coldest winter. I needed to hear his voice, feel his touch, I didn't care what would happen if we were to be seen, I just needed to have him close to me. "Toby?"

Coming back into view, he looked at me with an adoring stare, "Yeah?"

Blushing, I walked up to him and wrapped my arms around his waist, my cheek pressed to his chest, the steady sound of his heart beat in my ear, "I don't know why, but I'd like to dance with you right now..."

Without a word, he eagerly held me inside his warm embrace, and slowly we began to spin around in small circles.

_"You and I were in a dream  
You'd follow close wherever I'd lead  
The steps you'd echo on and on  
You'd catch me safe if ever I fall  
Your hand in mine, we walked along  
No hill too high, no road was too long  
To stay with you, my only dream  
To share your life, whatever it means."_

As my words faded into the dark silence of the house, Toby slid a single finger underneath my chin, and gently began to lift up on it. Before I could even react, our lips met, his moving with an urgency that I'd never noticed before that very moment. While mine moved with a sense of security that I often felt when I was with Toby. I then felt myself being lifted up off of my feet, all the while, our lips never breaking the synchronization that had been created. Within seconds, I was being lowered back down on top of the couch, Toby positioning himself so that he was carefully lying on top of me.

I felt my face burn as I blushed, but I didn't pay any attention to that. I wanted to focus on the only man that I had truly ever loved, and who had honestly loved me as well. To know everything that there was to learn about him, to not hold any information back...to all but become one with Toby was what I wanted. And I could tell from his actions, that it also, was all that he wanted.

Sliding my hands so that they rested gently on his wiry back, I felt myself giving into the moment that we were in. Felt my need for Toby increase. Felt my love for him double...triple...possibly even quadruple in strength. And as our lips moved together in unison, I thanked any God that existed, for granting Toby the chance to live, because without him, I had no clue where in the world I would be. Or who I would be. Or if I'd even be alive.

Feeling all of this, I pulled free of the kiss and whispered, "Thank you! Thank you for all that you've done for me!" I giggled and gently began to nuzzle my nose against his neck, kissing his skin once as I went.

"You're welcome..." Laughing as he spoke, Toby quietly asked, "That song you sung...what was it?"

As I blushed once again, I answered, my voice barely audible. "It was your song...With you, I honestly do believe that I can do just about anything...and that even if something were to go wrong, and I begin to break apart at the seams again, I know that you'll be there to catch me, and heal my heart with your love..."

Holding me close to his body, his words seemed to sound breathless as I heard them being spoken, "Brixta, I'll be there for you whenever and wherever you need me. That's my job, or at least it is now...as your boyfriend, I promise to never let you fall again!"

Gazing up into his eyes, I slowly closed the gap between our lips, both of us giving into our love for each other. Both of us unafraid of what waited for us just outside of our perfect little world.


	40. Never Change

Part 40 - Never Change

Hours must have gone by before I awoke, finding myself lying next to Toby, who was happily still dozing in a deep sleep. Both of us were resting on top of the couch, which was in the living room of my parent's house. Quietly stretching, I turned my head so that I was looking at Toby's face.

The dark circles beneath his lower eye lids had lightened up since the first time that I'd ever seen him sleeping. His hair, which I was slowly coming to terms with, was as much of an unruly mess as it'd been on day one. But as disarrayed as it was, I didn't want it to be changed about him. The light from the moon lit the room a small bit, and with it, I silently began to count the freckles that ran across the bridge of his nose. I couldn't help but to grin when I noticed, that even in the midst of dreaming, a smile still held its place upon his lips.

So much had happened between the two of us in so short amount of time. Yet nothing seemed to be rushed. Everything felt right, and almost destined. Like no matter what either of us did, we'd still end up together.

Standing up, I slowly made my way to my own bedroom, after all, my parents wouldn't find it unusual if they found Toby sleeping on the couch...but if I remained with him all the way until morning, they would likely begin to suspect there being something more between Toby and I than just a friendship.

I wouldn't mind them knowing the truth about us dating, if I didn't think they wouldn't freak out, and become their usual overbearing selves...but I knew that would be exactly what would happen.

In my room, I found Tabby sleeping soundly at the foot of my bed, her head tucked underneath one of her tiny paws. Her tail, acting like a pillow, rested under her head.

Moving as carefully as I could manage, I made my way over to my bed, and laid down on it, not even bothering to pull the sheets back, and instantly fell asleep.

"Brixta? Wakey, wakey." Toby's voice was directly in my right ear, and as he spoke, I could also feel him gently stroking my hair away from my face. "Come on, Brixta, the sun is out, the birds are chirping...well simply, it's early, and I'm bored." Imagining him right then, I could see him wearing a grin that nearly spread from one of his ears to the other.

Mumbling, my words sounding as though they were running into each other, I kept my eyes closed tightly.

Another minute passed before I heard his voice again, "Oh and your parents are out, so I have no one to talk to. Not to mention it's a required law in all fifty-one states for me to be in the company of a responsible adult at all hours of the day. So wake up! Wake up!" Resorting to drastic measures, Toby then decided to begin to tickle me, hoping that it would be enough to bring me out of my sleepy reverie.

As soon as his fingers began to gently scuttle over my shoulders, and lower back, I couldn't help but to laugh. Since I'd been a little kid, I'd always been extremely ticklish, something that I had prayed Toby would never have discovered.

Yet when had I ever been that lucky?

As he began to laugh along with me, but for a completely different reason, I quickly caved in, my eyes snapping open. My hands fighting to push away his to stop the tickling, I breathlessly pleaded, "All right! All right, I'm up! Could..." I laughed again, as a fresh wave of tickling began, "Toby...could you stop that now?" My eyes fell on his face, and I had been right, he was indeed wearing an impish grin that made him take on the appearance of somehow being a very tall child. Though as soon as I began to look at him, he threw his head back and laughed boisterously, his eyes shining bright with excitement. "Morning." I whispered, my breath finally caught, and my mind running at its normal speed.

Fondly, the tip of one of his thumbs stroked against my cheek, "Morning. Sorry that I woke you up, but it's like I said, I'm bored out of my mind..."

"Aren't you still sleepy from the jet lag?" I asked as I stretched out on my bed, my eyes never leaving Toby's face.

He shook his head, and whispered, "Nah, I travel quite a bit, so I've kinda gotten used to it."

"That makes one of us...and only one of us..." Shifting my gaze over to the single window that was in my room, I saw that it had to have been at least ten in the morning. "How long have I been asleep?"

"Well I think we both went to sleep at nine last night...so around twelve hours."

As I continued to look out of the window, I ventured to ask, "When did you wake up?"

Quietly laughing, Toby said, "Not too long actually I got up maybe fifteen minutes before I came in here." He fell silent for the slightest portion of a second, then happily asked a question of his own, "So what'd you like to do today? You can decide, seeing as I have no clue where anything would be in this city. I probably couldn't even find the airport, and we were just there yesterday."

I twas my turn to laugh, "That's right, BUSCUS, you on my turf now."

His impish grin resurfaced, once more, it was directed towards me. Then quicker than I could react, he gently took hold of my wrists with his hands, pinning them down to the bed above my head, "So, shall I win it back then?" Gleefully he winked at me, and bent forward, pressing his lips to mine. A gnawing ferocity growing within the kiss. A renewed intensity.

I was his prisoner captured within his ensnaring and enthusiastic passion. Though I couldn't help but to think that if I were to be any one's captive, I would gladly give in to any punishment that Toby could ever dream of dealing out. But almost as soon as it began, I regained my freedom. Quizzically I looked at his face, and as he laughed quietly I asked, "You okay?"

"Yup! That was just my way of motivating you to get up and get changed...then go out somewhere. Like I said, I'm..."

Before he could finish his sentence, I interrupted and said, "Bored?"

Unperturbed, he smiled, nodding his head silently.

"Okay, well I'll be ready in a few minutes, go wait for me in the living room." I sat up, and swung my feet over the edge of the bed, standing up as soon as they hit the floor. My eyes staying focused on Toby's face, the exuberant expression that he seemed to always have.

It was just so easy to please the inner child that would forever living within his mind.

Without a word, he left the room, shutting the door behind him as he went. Hearing the click of the lock catching inside of the latch, I hurried to my closet. There I found the clothes that I had been forced to leave behind when I left for Los Angeles.

Out of the small selection, I picked out my Pac-Man shirt, along with a pair of light gray jeans, as well as my black and white Heelys.

With my clothes in hand, I quickly started to get changed, tossing aside my outfit from the day before. Dressed, I grabbed my brush, and tried to fight against the slightly tangled mess that was my hair.

Once that was done, once I was ready, I picked up a set of keys that I rarely carried with me, and made my way out to the living room.

Sitting on the couch, waiting more patiently than what I could have ever believed him capable of, Toby slowly looked up to gaze at me. It was right then that I noticed what he had chosen to wear for the day. It was the turquoise TOBUSCUS shirt that he'd been wearing the day that we met, as well as it was the same shirt that he'd let me borrow. To go with his shirt, he'd also put on a pair of khaki shorts, then finally to top it all off, he was also wearing his Heelys. It looked as though he'd tried to tame his hair, but had failed ultimately in the end. "Hey! You ready to go?" He asked, just as a huge smile took over his face.

"Yeah. Oh, but before I forget..." I tossed the keys that I'd picked up to him, and when he caught them without any effort at all, I said, "They're the keys that go to my ancient car..."

Tilting his head to the side, he whispered, "It's your car...so why aren't you going to drive us to wherever we're going?"

I couldn't help but to cringe, Toby had just asked the one question that I'd been hoping to avoid, so unwillingly, I spoke, making sure that my voice was barely able to be heard...except by the keenest of ears. "I absolutely hate driving...not to mention...I'm horrendous at it..." As my sentence trailed off, I could see Toby our of the corner of my eye, and I wasn't surprised to see him shaking with silent laughter. Slowly I felt my cheeks growing hot. "Toby..."

His hazel eyes cracked open slightly, then smiling, he gently began to apologize. "I'm sorry, Brixta, I just find it funny that you can Heely, but that you can't drive."

"Well as car just so happens to be bigger than both me and my Heelys put together...I have trouble judging distances...which would lead to the story of how my murder-tank car took out a brick wall...I walked away fine, same as my car, which seriously is like a Goliath battle tank! Where as that wall...well the wall...may it rest in pieces..."

As expected with a single snort, Toby once again threw his head back in thunderous laughter. Tears slowly welled up and streamed down at the corners of his eyes, and ran down the sides of his face. Yet the instant that he wiped them away with one of his fingers, more would take their place. Gradually, after several minutes had gone by, and with Toby now doubled over with his hands gripping onto his knees, the laughing finally beginning to subdue, he looked up at me, and with his voice shaking from the extended amount of time laughing, he whispered, "You...you mean to tell me...that you...that you actually took out a wall with your car? Where was I when all of this happened?"

Pretending to think for a second, I then answered, "Probably somewhere in Los Angeles, doing the exact same thing that you're doing right now. Laughing to the point where you're crying."

"Do you think that I should change my ways? Become a more serious person?" His smile was gentle, but there was a hope in his voice that told me that he was searching for a specific response. That he wasn't really wanting to change...at least not yet.

"No." I gave him my warmest, sweetest smile that I had to show him that I was being sincere. "Toby, I don't want you to change, and neither does the Audience. We all think that you're pretty perfect as you are right now." Walking over to him, I gently took hold of his hand, and squeezed it in mine. "So without changing who you are, are you ready to go out and have a little fun?"

Smiling back at me, he slowly nodded, and turning to the front door, locked up and headed out for a day filled with fun.


End file.
